Timekeeper (Timekeeper #1)(67)

You’re wrong, he wanted to tell them.

Too shocked to drive, he turned for the pub. The other patrons left Danny alone when they realized he was in a bad mood. He guzzled two pints, barely pausing for air. Then he laid his head on his arms.

It was mad to have these feelings for a clock spirit. Seeing this new side to Colton, this startling jealousy, confirmed there was no going back on his emotions now. Just as Matthias had been ensnared by the spirit in Maldon, so too was Danny caught by Colton. And if anything should happen to Danny—if he left—Colton might do something they would all regret.

But he promised. He loves the town too much.

If only Danny could talk to the spirit of Maldon, and ask how one prevented grief.

Danny finally mustered up his courage to return to the tower. By then dusk had naturally faded into early night, and the wind was freezing. He stood in the road and sighed, watching his breath become vapor, like he had turned into a steam-driven machine. He caught motion out of the corner of his eye and turned his head.

Colton stood behind the hedge, looking at him.

Surprise jolted Danny from his stupor. He didn’t feel himself move when the spirit beckoned him over. Colton’s skin and hair glowed faintly in the moonlight. He gave Danny a tiny, tired smile.

“What are you doing out here?” Danny demanded, shock quickly making way for fear. “I thought you couldn’t leave your tower.”

Colton shook his head. “I can leave, but not for too long. The farther away from my clockwork I am, the weaker I get.”

Looking more closely, Danny realized that Colton seemed to be drooping ever so slightly, his voice a little slower and strained at the edges.

“How long have you been out here?”

“Not long.” Danny should have known not to ask. Days felt like hours to the spirit.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Danny scolded, but gently. “I don’t want you doing anything that will harm you.”

“I’m not harming myself.” At Danny’s look, Colton sheepishly averted his gaze. “Not now, anyway.” He took Danny’s hand and the air warped around them. “Come on.”

They walked along the hedge, down the lane to the church garden. Danny saw the shadow of Aetas’s shrine, the god’s hands lifted in either offering or forgiveness. The honeysuckle’s white petals seemed to reflect Colton’s faint glow, a glow that was getting weaker by the minute.

“Colton …”

“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” He faced Danny, his expression grim. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. When I saw that other boy kissing you, I felt this horrible …” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I don’t know what humans call it.”

“Jealousy.”

“Yes, that’s it. And I didn’t want to feel it. But then I was so angry. Not at you, or at him. Just angry. For this.” He gestured toward the clock tower. “Angry that I have to stay here, and that you have to go. That I ruin time whenever I’m happy or sad. That I can’t control what I feel to begin with. Clocks aren’t supposed to feel, Danny. They’re just objects.”

Danny thought of the newly destroyed Maldon tower. Was that the difference, then? Clocks needed spirits to live, or else they were just objects.

Colton reached into Danny’s pocket and drew out his timepiece. He opened it and watched the second hand tick around the face. “Look at it. It’s lifeless. So why am I like this?”

Danny wrapped his hand around Colton’s. Together they closed the timepiece with a soft click. “Clocks aren’t lifeless, Colton. They are life. Time makes things grow, and it makes them die. Time moves everything forward.”

“But that’s just it,” Colton whispered. “Someday, you’ll be gone. You should be with that other boy. You’ll both age, while I …” He lowered his eyes. “Why do I have to be this way? I want …” He trailed off, and Danny thought of the last time he had said it. It doesn’t matter what I want.

“I want to be normal,” Colton said instead.

Danny stood at a loss, unsure what to say. He glanced at the shrine, at the form of the god Colton had descended from.

He pocketed his timepiece and swept back a lock of Colton’s hair, touching the side of his face. Colton pressed his cheek into Danny’s hand, hungry for contact.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Danny asked. Colton nodded. “I don’t want you to be normal.”

The spirit frowned. “Why?”

“Because that’s why I liked you in the first place. You’re not normal. There’s only one of you in the whole world. There’s a spirit of a boy, who is also the spirit of a clock, and his name is Colton.” He swept his thumb over Colton’s cheek. “And he’s mine.”

Slowly, the spirit smiled. There was too much left unsaid, so they didn’t say anything.

Eventually, Colton took Danny’s hand and laid something on his palm.

“I wanted to give this to you.”

Danny held it up to his eyes. It was a tiny cog, about the size of a sixpence. The spokes were caked in grime, the metal rusting.

“I found this the other day in some crevice. Another mechanic removed it a long time before you came, so don’t worry, I’m not missing any parts. He just forgot to pick it up when he replaced it with a new one.” Colton smiled again when Danny looked up from the cog. “I thought you might like to have it.”