Throne of Truth (Truth and Lies Duet #2)(34)

The officers prodded me. “Get going.”

I ignored them. “All you need to know is how I made you feel. What did you feel when I kissed you on that baseball field? How did you feel when I gave you the only food I’d had in days? How did you feel when you walked away from me and didn’t look back?”

Her tears broke her disciplined wall, turning from sorrow to sob. “God, I felt something huge, something I’d never felt before. I fell for you when I didn’t even know what that was.” She whirled down a few steps, only for David to stop her from chasing me. “Penn, I’m sorry. So sorry.”

Her apology didn’t fade the pain I’d carried for so long.

I sighed sadly. “Glad to know it wasn’t just one of us who fell that night.”

The rookie shoved me forward.

I didn’t look back.

Just like she hadn’t three years ago.





Chapter Fifteen


Elle


APARTMENT HALLWAYS HAD a habit of causing damage to furniture edges and being scuffed by human traffic, but I never thought it had the power to hurt knees and palms.

Until I slammed to all fours under the colossal weight of despair.

“I can’t tell you who I am because I never told you my name.”

How many words in that single sentence? How heavy the truth in that string of confession? Enough to steal the remaining energy in my limbs and throw me headfirst into faintness.

I wasn’t a woman anymore. I was sharp breaths, swirling thoughts, and lost bearings. Falling forward as if in prayer, begging the world for a better answer delivered in a kinder way, I pleaded for a do-over.

I’d dreamed of finding Nameless. I’d had fantasies of loving him, saving him, proving to myself that what I’d felt that night wasn’t some silly teenage fling but the start of something raw and terrible and utterly undeniable.

But that was before he’d looked at me with pain so deep-seated, so long lived with, he couldn’t stop the flash of disgust in his eyes.

He blamed me.

He blamed me for not finding him, for not doing exactly what I’d promised myself I’d do and didn’t.

Oh, God.

I hugged my waist, ignoring the bruises from Greg and focusing on the bruises on my heart. I needed to touch him, promise him that I believed now. That I trusted now.

But how flimsy was that?

How awful of me to doubt and accuse, unable to see that my wishes had come true and I’d done nothing but fight against him since he came for me.

To finally find Nameless.

To come face-to-face with him and put aside the three years and pick up exactly where we left off—with passion and purity and no lies or worries.

That was the stupid teenage ideal, not the night we met. The belief that years later it would still be unsullied and ready to morph into something true.

It’s ruined.

It’s over.

My life had gone the exact opposite of everything I’d wanted.

Did young-hearted idealism make him my perfect other? Or fate?

Was he right to look at me as if I was a coward?

Penn had stared at me, not with happiness and satisfaction at finally reuniting, but with regret and disappointment. He acted as if he couldn’t forgive me for not trusting the nudgings of my heart that his secret was one I’d wanted, not one I didn’t.

How did I think he was Baseball Cap? How could I ever call him Adidas? Why was I so weak?

A soft gray blanket fell over my shoulders, smelling of Penn. David crouched beside me, rubbing my back with a warm, heavy hand. Slowly, he took my weight, plucking me from the dirty carpet of the hallway and onto my feet.

The minute I was standing, he guided me into Penn’s apartment and motioned for me to sit.

To sit in the exact same place where Penn had sat just moments before. The place where my heart had started to unravel, already hearing Penn’s truth but somehow unable to let go of my anger and finally believe.

He’d lied.

He’d been an asshole and covered up any sweetness that existed inside him.

Why?

Why be a jerk when I would’ve leapt into his arms the moment he’d told me the truth?

Why the make-believe?

Why didn’t I recognize him?

Why couldn’t I see the similarities between Penn and Nameless?

Why couldn’t I see past the beard and dirty hoodie?

Why couldn’t I see past the suits and wealth?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Ignoring David’s request to sit, I stood and beelined for the cupboard above Penn’s stainless steel fridge. Reaching on my tiptoes, I was able to touch but not grab the small safety deposit box.

I can’t—

I tried to manhandle it, but my stupid fingers couldn’t reach. I turned to spy a chair to stand on, but David reached for me and placed the metal navy box on the kitchen counter.

I didn’t like him all that much currently. He’d prevented me from chasing after Penn. Nameless.

All along, he’s been Nameless.

My heart stopped skipping a beat and settled for a jangled symphony instead.

I might not like David at the moment, but I kept my manners. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

The box was heavy but not one to screw into a floor or wall. This was movable, only opened by the combination.