This Is Falling(82)

Nate





I like having her in my house. She feels…permanent. But there’s this constant ache scratching at the back of my mind every second. It’s the secret I’m keeping, and I know if I tell her, she’ll leave. And I would understand. She should leave—she should have known all along, and had her chance to say goodbye. But she can never get that back. So I guess the only decision now is what happens moving forward, and maybe her parents are right. Maybe, to move forward, Rowe just needs to keep moving. And maybe knowing this will hold her back, mess with her head during finals, ruin her great start. But I can’t help but think it might all just backfire, too.

Her parents haven’t sold their house yet. But the last time she talked with them, right before we left for our flight, they were mostly packed. I wonder if they really went through with taking a trip—a vacation for just the two of them—or if they’re just at home, pretending.

We spent the night curled up with one another on the couch, watching the end of the Pacers and Miami game with Ty and my dad. Mom busied herself in the kitchen, prepping for our un-traditional Thanksgiving tomorrow. Mom made Lasagna and eggrolls, and Rowe actually seemed excited by it, which only made me love her more. Every little thing—sometimes the tiniest things—makes me love her more, and I’m in so deep now, I know I won’t make it back out whole.

Stretching out every moment, I hold her body close to mine along the sofa. My dad, per tradition, has dozed off in his chair, and Ty is busy dropping sunflower seeds in his hair, one at a time, which makes Rowe giggle, and makes me hold her tighter—loving her more.

“All right, kids,” Ty says, brushing his hands of the salt from the seeds while he backs away from my dad’s chair. “This face needs its beauty sleep. And I told Cass I’d call.”

“Good,” Rowe says, her voice a little forceful, and it actually surprises Ty and me.

“I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Ty asks, his eyebrows pinched as he scratches the darned-near full beard he’s been growing for two weeks. Rowe looks up at me with her eyes wide; clearly her tone surprised her as well.

“Sorry, that…that came out harsh,” she says, pushing against my hip to sit up in front of me. “I just meant you should call; she’s missing you.” Her words have a strange smile on Ty’s face, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was blushing. “You should have invited her to come too, you know. She wanted to come.”

Ty just nods at her, his lips tight and his face reverent. “Yeah, I probably should have. I’m…kind of new…at this?” Ty shrugs and we all sit still, sort of soaking in what has suddenly become a strange serious environment for the three of us, which Ty, of course, is the first to break. “Anywho…gonna go see if she wants to have phone sex. So, goodnight all.”

Ty is gone for about fifteen seconds before he’s back, gently tossing Cookie in one hand, a sinister chuckle crackling in his chest. “Well, look what we have here,” he says, looking down at the small bear in his hand before he brings it up to his nose to take in its scent. He laughs a little louder when he does, and finally looks up at me, and then to Rowe, pointing at her. “You…you just got lucky there, sister. The dryer sheet…yeah. That was a nice touch. Might have just saved you a world of hurt,” he trails off, turning around and going back in his room where he closes the door.

“Your brother’s weird,” she says, leaning into me slowly.

“Yeah,” I say, kissing her cheek lightly. “But he likes you. And that’s not easy to do.” She shoves me, kinda hard, and I realize what I said. “I mean…getting Ty to like you. No, liking you is easy. Ah, f*ck…I hate grammar. It’s always screwing me over.”

Rowe giggles, then slides to my lap and kisses me, and soon her lips—and the rest of her—is all I’m thinking about, and I’m pulling her from the couch, quietly tiptoeing away from my father, and the murmur of the television, to the lavender room—that she’s supposed to stay in alone, but to hell with that.





Chapter 28





Rowe





Eggrolls for Thanksgiving are my new awesome. Seriously. Awesome. I’m usually a sick kind of stuffed on this holiday, and it’s normally from mashed potatoes. But today, it’s eggrolls. The lasagna was good, too, but I think there’s a chance I may try to marry those eggrolls.

After our early dinner, Nate took me on a tour of where he grew up—driving us by his little league field, grade school, high school, and first girlfriend’s house. He even showed me the tree where he first carved into the trunk NATE LOVES STACY, and then came back a few weeks later and scratched it out with a pocketknife. Stacy, apparently, did not love Nate. He was twelve, and bitter.

After the tour, he gave me my first driving lesson in three years. I wasn’t awful, but I wasn’t good either. I stayed a good fifteen miles per hour under the limit and stuck to the side streets. At this rate, I should be driving by age thirty-five.

We spent the rest of the night watching old Christmas movies, like White Christmas and It’s a Wonderful Life. I got excited when Home Alone came on, and when Nate admitted he had never seen it, I forced him to watch it with me. I caught him laughing a few times.