This Is Falling(14)

“So, this is my roommate Cass, you met her yesterday?” Nate smiles and nods toward her, quickly moving his eyes back to me. I can feel Paige kicking at my feet just waiting for her turn. “Oh, and this is my other roommate, Paige. They’re sisters.”

“By blood, but really, we’re nothing alike,” Paige says, stepping in front of both Cass and me to make sure she’s the first thing Nate sees. And I know he sees her breasts, because I watch both his and Ty’s bodies tense as their eyes zero in exactly where Paige wants them to go. She’s like a bloody hypnotist! She may be a genius.

“They’re tits, boys. Get over them,” Cass says, walking over to the checkin table and leaving me both mortified and in awe all at once.

When I turn back around, Nate’s eyes are back on me. He’s rubbing his chin, laughing because Cass caught him.

“Sorry, nothing to see here,” I say, grabbing my chest and squeezing. It’s like an out-of-body experience, and I can’t believe I said something so bold and brave, but the way he smiles makes me feel proud.

The program director starts calling everyone into the main gym for activities, so we all follow Paige through the doors. The crowd is a little overwhelming, and my feet feel stuck to the carpet. Paige is far ahead of me, and Cass and Ty are close behind her. I can feel my chest crackling, fighting to breathe, when suddenly Nate’s hand rests on my back. His touch makes my eyes blink rapidly, and it feels like a thousand volts into my heart. And then…calm.

“Come on, we’ll survive this together,” he says, his breath hot against my neck and ear. Despite the dozens of strangers packed in the small space around me, I’m still standing…and breathing. And I think that’s because of Nate.

For the next hour, we break into groups and meet new people based on the various things the moderator calls out. The first grouping is based on the middle initials. Mine is Anne, so I go to the A group, and I go there slowly. Breathe. Breathe deeply. Nate is with me again, and instantly I relax.

“Andrew,” he says, shrugging.

“Anne.”

While in our group, the moderator reorganizes us by birthdays, first asking for months—Nate is still next to me for February—and then by dates.

“What’s yours?” he asks, his fingers out like he’s calculating.

“I’m the fifteenth,” I say, hearing someone next to me say they’re the fifteenth, too.

“Sixteenth,” Nate says, and he puts his hand flat along my spine again, keeping me close.

“Now I’d like everyone to turn to your right, and put your hands on the shoulders of the person in front of you,” the moderator calls.

Nate is in front of me, and there’s a small, quiet girl with curly hair behind me. I still feel my muscles tighten when she puts her hands on me, but I’m able to endure it. I think it would be worse if it were one of the other guy’s in the group, but I’m comfortable here between this girl and Nate.

The moment my fingers connect with his shoulders, I feel it again—it’s that heart-speeding-up kind of feeling. I know I should forget about it, bury it, and stuff it away deep inside—because I only have enough energy to focus on being a human. I don’t have the capacity to focus on being a girl. But I can’t help this reaction. His muscles are hard, and I feel every curve of his shoulders and the grooves along his back.

“That’s it, Thirty-three. Dig in right there,” he jokes, while I massage and work his muscles. The girl behind me can barely be felt, but I’m letting my fingers and thumbs rub all along Nate’s broad shoulders and back.

“Switch!” the moderator calls, and I turn quickly, knowing that Nate’s hands are seconds away from my bare skin. I’m both thrilled and worried that I wore a shirt with spaghetti straps. I try to put my focus on the shoulders of the small girl in front of me, doing my best to stare at the words on the back of her shirt, but I don’t give her near the attention I gave Nate. I’m more patting her shoulders in circles.

Nate’s fingers sweep my hair over my shoulder first, and I hold my breath the entire time. I can hear him breathing behind me, like I’ve tuned out every other sound in the gym, and I flush when I realize my arms are covered in goosebumps. I know he sees it, and for a moment, I think I feel him blow gently on my neck. His fingers finally find my shoulders, and my lips part and let out a sigh. Thank god he can’t see my face right now.

His touch is slow and deliberate, his thumbs circling gently along my back and his fingertips feeling every inch of bare skin on my shoulders. My eyes are locked on the moderator, and internally, I’m begging her to forget about the next announcement; when I see her pull the mic to her lips, I almost cry.

“Okay, now freeze right where you are. Slowly, I want you all to sit on the lap of the person behind you.”

I’m not ready for this. I’m not ready for this. I can’t be a girl. Maybe I can dazzle Nate again with Paige’s blatant nipples. I’m looking for her, actually wanting her distraction, but she’s a dozen circles away. Cass seems to have bailed out completely—instead, sitting along the wall with Ty, and they’re both watching Nate and me, giving each other commentary. She catches me looking at her and lifts her hand from her knee for a small wave.

“I got you,” Nate says over my shoulder, sending the goosebumps I just got rid of right back along my arms. Without warning, I’m suddenly sitting back, his hands firmly on my hips, guiding me onto his legs. Everyone is giggling—everyone…but me. My body is starting to shake, and I know he can feel it.