Thicker Than Blood (Thicker Than Blood #1)(102)
The pain, the suffering, the struggle, it was never ending, much like the barrage of bullets I’d put into that man the night before, like the number of times I’d driven that blade into Lawrence’s body, like the amount of tears I’d shed.
We should have learned by now that nothing was ever easy in this world. Yet, like children, we remained forever hopeful, optimistic that just once something would go right for us.
We were wrong. That was just the way of the world now, and people like us, those who hadn’t let go of the old ways, who couldn’t let go of the hope that eventually something had to give and change for the better, we had no place here. We were doomed much like the infected were, forever walking the earth, trying to fulfill a need—a hope—that could not be fulfilled. Because there was no good in this world now.
Our belongings were already gathered, our weapons strapped to us, our clothing and food packed neatly in backpacks procured from Grannie, everything ready and waiting for us to flee. And so we waited, sitting silently in our darkened room, just waiting for what was going to happen next.
With the rise of the sun had come a knock on our door. We glanced at one another uneasily, the tension palpable. None of us wanted to open the door, to be the one that let in the crippling disappointment we already knew was waiting for us.
“It could be your friend?” I whispered to Evelyn. “The one you said would meet us at the Jeep?”
Wide-eyed, Evelyn glanced toward the door, her red and swollen nostrils flaring. “No,” she whispered back. “He wouldn’t have come here.”
Another knock sounded, this one louder than the last. Sighing, Alex pulled his gun from his pants and stepped toward the door. With his hand on the knob, our eyes met, and in them I saw all the things he couldn’t say, didn’t know how to voice. He was sorry, sorry that he wasn’t the man he’d wanted to be for me. Sorry that he hadn’t done more to protect me, to protect us all.
I stared back at him, hoping that he could read me as well as I was him. Hoping that he saw my gratitude, that he could see how much I didn’t blame him, not for a single thing that had gone wrong. Instead I wanted him to know how thankful I was for him, for everything that he’d done, for the happiness he’d given me by simply being himself.
He hadn’t just loved me, he’d freed me. He’d given me back hope, trust, and pride in myself. He’d given me everything that Lawrence had stripped from me in our poisoned marriage. And I loved Alex for that. I loved him for reminding me that not all men were bad, that there were still men like my beloved Thomas alive.
I loved him for helping me to love again.
Alex seemed to understand this, the silent message I was willing him to receive. It seemed to strengthen him, to give him the courage to open the door and once again shoulder whatever burden was handed to us.
As it turned out, it was only a boy, no more than ten years old, with short, scruffy hair and innocent eyes. The boy thrust a piece of paper toward Alex without saying a word, and as soon as Alex grabbed it from him, he took off running down the hall with barely a second glance. Alex unfolded the page, and as he skimmed it quickly, his features pulled tight in annoyance.
“It’s for you,” he said, looking up at me, both apology and anger written on his face. “You have to work tonight.”
“Nobody’s working tonight,” Evelyn snapped. She glanced from me to Alex. “We’re leaving. Are you both ready?” Her look was almost daring us to disagree with her.
Whereas I nodded numbly in response, Alex seemed skeptical. “Who is this guy, Eve? How can you be sure he’s going to follow through?”
We’d been over this so many times already, Alex repeatedly questioning Evelyn on who her secret friend was, and Evelyn refusing to give any details. I had my suspicions, mainly that she had traded herself for a vehicle and perhaps a way out of here, but I hadn’t voiced them.
Whatever had happened had changed her, the change was written all over her face. She barely kept eye contact, moving away whenever I got too close. Her shame was evident, but I didn’t want to press her on the matter. We’d all been through enough, and there would be plenty of time to talk when we were free of this place. If we got free of this place.
“I can’t be sure,” Evelyn answered, sounding exasperated, her expression softening somewhat. “But we’ll never know if we don’t try, right?” She looked to me for support, knowing that Alex believed that staying alive was the better option than dying while escaping. Anything just to keep me safe.
So many times in the last few years, I’d thought I was going to die, and it terrified me. But now, when I thought about the possibility of being killed for trying to escape, or worse, being forced to stay here and do the bidding of Jeffers and Liv… Faced with the choice between those two options, I wanted out and I was ready to die trying. After all, there were far worse fates than death, most of which we’d already lived through.
“We have to try,” I said to Alex firmly, reaching out and laying my hand on his forearm. “We can’t stay here. I won’t stay here.”
His eyes closed again briefly, pain washing over his features before he reopened them and focused on me. “Whatever happens, Lei,” he said, taking my hand. “It was worth it.”
My heart swelled at his words; I wholeheartedly agreed with him. It was worth it, wasn’t it? No matter what happened, after years of misery, it had been worth finding even an iota of happiness. It had been worth it to learn there was someone else in the world, other than just Evelyn and me, who hadn’t succumbed to the corruption and wickedness everyone else had seemed to. Because the infection ran so much deeper than just turning people into mindless cannibals. It destroyed people’s souls.