The You I've Never Known(47)
She licks in lines tracking contours
down my right side back up my left and, finally, straight from chin to belly button.
She touches tentatively in lines and circles show me what you like gaining momentum
building intensity She nudges me
closer and closer
right up against the brink and, no way to hold back, pushes me over the cliff.
It’s one hell of a trip.
Crash Landing
The buzzer goes off in the kitchen.
I smile. “Does that mean I made my eight-second ride?”
Monica looks confused.
No, that means our dinner is done. You must be hungry?
“Starving. But what about you?’
I reach out and stroke the cleft that would be cleavage if there was more flesh there, not that I’d prefer it. “I think I owe you one.” I wink and she laughs, but shakes her head. Later.
We’ve got lots of time, not like the mac and cheese, which will burn.
I watch her straighten up
and go into the kitchen, but take my time following her.
Everything between us has
changed. This thing we have
is more serious now, and while that’s not necessarily bad,
I wonder if Monica and I have been irrevocably altered, too.
Maya
I’ve been at Fort Hood almost four months now. It’s been a long, hot, boring summer, nothing much to do but make plans for the baby. She’s due in about a week, and I want everything perfect before she gets here.
The house is a small two-bedroom, with a cute little kitchen and one decent-size bathroom, plenty for two adults and one infant. It’s not very modern, and looks almost identical to the one next door, but what do I care, as long as the appliances work and the toilet flushes? That’s critical, since I have to pee way more often than anyone should. I even get up a couple of times at night. It’s so annoying.
Jason thinks it’s funny. “Maybe we should be buying adult diapers, instead of stocking up on the baby kind. Do they make maternity diapers?”
Ha-ha.
I definitely need maternity clothes. I’ve kept my weight pretty well in check, but over these last few weeks Casey has grown exponentially. My stomach is stretched to the max.
Jason makes fun of that, too. “Girl, you get any bigger I’ll have to put you out to pasture till you drop that foal.”
Country-boy humor.
Speaking of country, Casey seems to love Garth Brooks and Clint Black. Play those boys, and she gets to kicking so hard I’m sure she must be line dancing. Thinking like that makes me homesick for Tati, who taught me most of the moves I know.
Tati calls to talk a couple times a week. I’d call her, but Jason gets mad. “What do you think I am, made of money? We can barely afford the phone bill without long distance charges.” He’s right, money is tight. My calculations neglected to factor in things like baby furniture and clothes. Most we managed to pick up “gently used,” but even so it was an investment.
Our finances make things like movies impossible, too, except the ones we watch on TV. If it wasn’t for the library, my brain would be mush by now. I’ve tried to make friends with the neighbor ladies, but theirs is a tight-knit sorority. Seems they’re not looking for new members.
I wish I could visit Tati, but I don’t have access to a car and even if I did, I don’t have a driver’s license. I’m going to get one, though. I’ve been practicing. Jason won’t let me drive, but when Tati visits—she’s been out here five times—she puts me behind the wheel of her Malibu, with her standing joke. “Let’s go cruising for soldiers.”
They’re not hard to find. But we’re not really looking. Even if I wanted to cheat on Jason, what man in his right mind would want to have sex with me? It would kind of be like having sex with the baby, too. The idea is cringe-worthy.
Truthfully, I have zero desire to even look at a penis, let alone touch one. But Jason insists. “I’m your husband, aren’t I? What good is a wife who won’t please her man? The least you can do is jack me off.”
Actually, it’s the most I can do.
Especially considering how hard it’s been to get Jason to cooperate with me. It’s not like I ask for much, but one thing I insisted on was him taking natural childbirth classes with me. I practically had to beg him to be my coach.
“Coach? What does that mean? Feed you plays?”
“Sort of, I guess. You stay by my side. Encourage me. Remind me to breathe, that sort of thing.”
He laughed. “How could you forget to breathe?”
“Not regular breathing,” I huffed. “There are techniques to help me relax through the contractions.”
“I’ve got a better idea. It’s called medication.”
“If I’m on drugs, the baby is, too. I don’t want Casey to arrive all doped up. She won’t nurse right.”
I’ve done tons of research, obviously. Jason couldn’t care less, though. “Nurse? You want to breast-feed and wreck those pretty titties?”
“Jason, it’s not like this is the first time I’ve discussed this with you.”
“Guess I wasn’t listening.”
I had to work hard to quell the anger rising up inside of me. I already had the arguments in place, however. “First of all, it might be the only time I ever have big breasts. You’ll enjoy them. And second, formula is expensive. Breast milk is free, not to mention healthier for the baby. It will also help me lose weight more quickly.”