The You I've Never Known(28)

So yesterday I turned seventeen. It started off as expected, with little recognition from my human incubator. She barely looked up from her newspaper when I sat down at the breakfast table. I worked real hard to come up with the right thing to say. “Hey, Mom. What was it like having me? I mean, the birth experience. Did it hurt like everyone says it does?”

I studied her face as she considered the question. Despite all the ugliness inside her, she’s actually kind of pretty for forty-two. Her hair is like brass—shiny, with just a few hints of gray—and the few wrinkles she has are thin filaments. Maybe all that clarifying is good for the skin, if not the psyche.

“It was god-awful, if you want to know the truth. Felt like you were going to pull my insides out. I don’t recommend childbirth.”

Not exactly comforting. And I realized we’d never discussed it before. Of course, we’ve never discussed lots of things before. What did I have to lose? “Did you breast-feed me?”

She snorted. “Are you kidding? A nurse talked me into trying it at the hospital. ‘Your baby needs colostrum,’ she insisted. I tried, but all it did was give me sore nipples and frustrate you. You sputtered and cried. Wailed. Finally she gave up and offered you formula. You were happy with that.”

“How long did you stay in the hospital?”

“Overnight. Why are you asking me all these questions?”

“Just curious. I mean, I guess because it’s my birthday, and . . .” I couldn’t figure out where to go from there, so I shoveled cereal into my mouth.

“It is, isn’t it? And look how gloomy it is outside. Just like the day you were born. Do you have plans?”

I almost got excited, thinking for once she might offer to spend quality time with me. Yeah, right. “Not really. Tati and I will probably chill.” I figured a guilt trip wouldn’t hurt, though. “Unless you’ve got something in mind.”

Guilt is not in Mom’s vocabulary. “I’ll be tied up at services most of the day. You should come. Birthdays are good days for audits. Lots of people tap into past lives.” The crazy rose up in her eyes.

“One life at a time, thanks.”

She got up and went to the hook by the door, reached into the purse hanging there. “Here’s ten dollars. Have a pizza with your friend. And happy birthday.”

I took the money and didn’t mention I was actually planning to hang out with my boyfriend. Tati’s still upset with me, though she has forwarded Jason’s messages as promised, and doesn’t sound quite as pissy. She has a hard time staying mad at me. Still, when she called to wish me a happy birthday, it was a nice surprise.

“I know you’re going to see Jason today, but I was hoping we could get together for a little while. I’ve got a present for you.”

“Of course!” Knowing she’d forgiven me, at least mostly, would’ve been enough of a gift, but it wasn’t all she gave me. She picked me up midmorning and we drove to a little park, which was mostly deserted. Late January, too cool for kids to swing or slide, there were only a few people walking their dogs, and I was happy for fewer distractions so we could finally talk.

We sat quietly for a few minutes before she asked, “You’re really pregnant?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“And you’re going to stay that way?”

“For six more months, give or take.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

“Totally.”

“Have you told your mom?”

“Not yet. I wanted to make sure . . .” I paused because I realized I still wasn’t sure. “Jason says everything will be okay, but I don’t know what that means yet.”

“I’m jealous.”

That one stopped me. “You’re jealous I’m pregnant? You want a baby?”

“Don’t be dense. I’m jealous of Jason. I hate that you love him. And if you’ve got a baby to love, too . . .” Her voice cracked, but she pulled it back together. “What will happen to me?”

I reached for her hand. “Tati, you’re my best friend. I will always love you, and I need you now more than ever!” My eyes stung. I let the tears fall. I’ve held them back too long.

Tati leaned across the seat, opened her arms, and I pleated myself into them, gathering warmth and strength. Dove soap perfumed her skin and her breath was cinnamon. Home, that’s what I thought. Tati smells like home.

Finally, she pushed me away. “Okay, I know you’ve got plans, so let’s get the birthday stuff over with.” She handed me a silly card with kittens eating birthday cake, and inside it were two tickets to an Astros-Rockies game. “It’s Houston’s first home stand this season. I was going to try for opening day, but this one is on Saturday. You can take Jason instead of me if you want.”

My jaw actually dropped. “No way. I want to go with you. But since when do you like baseball?”

“I don’t really, but maybe if you teach me about it . . . I know they have cute players.” She sighed. “I just . . . when you told your favorite memory of your dad, I wanted to make a memory like that with you.”

Happiness poured into my heart, like water from a pitcher.

It was a strange sensation, one I’ve never experienced before. I didn’t exactly know what to do with it. “This is the best present, ever. And I’m damn sure going to go with you, as long as you’re driving.” I reminded myself to put the tickets in my secret stash spot under my dresser, along with Dad’s manila envelope. “Mom gave me ten bucks. Let’s have lunch before I meet Jason.”