The Woman Next Door(58)

Melissa sits down opposite and tries to look at her friend. Saskia is staring at her, eyes gentle but appraising.

She can’t think of anything to say.

‘Okay,’ says Saskia, ‘Are you at least going to explain the chemo haircut at any point?’ she says. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything but it’s a bit hard to miss.’

Melissa is surprised at the laughter that froths up from inside. She can always rely on Saskia to cut through the bullshit and she feels a deep thud of love for her now, like an ache.

Just be normal, she tells herself. You can do that. Pretend you can do it.

‘It’s bloody awful, isn’t it?’ she sighs, patting the back of her head. ‘I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just fancied a change. But … it went a bit wrong.’

‘I’ll say,’ says Saskia. ‘Here, let me.’ She pulls a scarf out of her handbag. It’s chiffon, patterned with thin grey stripes on a mustard background. She comes over to Melissa and expertly begins to wrap it around her head. The gentle touch of her fingers is a comfort that makes Melissa want to cry again so she squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, willing herself to keep it together. Saskia finishes with a knot and stands back with a look of satisfaction.

‘There you go. All you need is a pair of shades and an open-topped car and you’d give Grace Kelly a run for her money.’

Melissa smiles back gratefully. ‘I’ll take your word for it.’ She has to swallow a fresh wave of tears and forces normality into her voice. She is suddenly desperate for Saskia to stay. ‘Look,’ she says, ‘are you sure you don’t want a coffee or anything?’

‘No, it’s too muggy for coffee.’ Saskia walks to the fridge and opens it, looking for one of the many Diet Cokes she drinks each day.

‘Christ, what’s all this?’ she says with a laugh. ‘You auditioning for Bake Off?’

Melissa tries to think what’s in there. Pasties, a quiche, some sort of apple pie. All from Hester. There is no point in lying. Saskia knows she would never cook this sort of food.

‘No,’ she says, slowly and carefully. ‘It’s, um, it’s all from Hester.’ Her stomach seems to crawl with ants. She silently begs Saskia not to question her any further.

‘Really?’ says Saskia with ease, opening a can with a sharp fssht before sitting back at the table and taking a long drink. ‘Why’s she doing that all of a sudden?’

Why? How can Melissa possibly begin to answer this question? She feels paralysed by its intricacies.

Saskia sighs and speaks again, saving her from having to answer. ‘Gawd, has she forgiven us, do you think?’ she says. ‘Honestly, bloody Nathan! I still can’t believe he did that to her of all people.’

Melissa smiles and looks at the table with a shrug. She can’t think of a single thing to say. Her mouth has become dry and her knee is shaking. She has to place her hand on it to stop it from banging against the underside of the table.

But Saskia isn’t going to let this go. ‘So come on,’ she says. ‘Seriously, I’m curious. Why is she suddenly back on the scene? Didn’t you manage to get shot of her a few years back?’

Melissa hesitates. She imagines, just for a moment, the sweet relief of unburdening herself.

‘Well,’ she says with care, ‘we just started talking again, I suppose. She’s not so bad really.’ Please, Saskia, stop, she thinks. She wants a moment’s peace from Hester invading her head and her kitchen.

‘Rather you than me,’ says Saskia, making a moue. ‘I think she’s downright weird. Didn’t she once suggest she moved in with you?’

The laugh that bursts from Melissa springs unnaturally loud from the knotted ball of tension inside her but Saskia doesn’t notice.

‘No! It was nothing like that!’ she says and then pauses. ‘It was coming on holiday with us.’ She covers her face with her hand as more laughter rises, unstoppably.

‘Can you imagine?’ says Saskia beginning to rumble with her distinctive husky giggle. ‘You’d be getting into bed and she’d pop up between you to remind you to floss or something. Or, you’d just be getting down and dirty and she’d tell you off for making her lose her page in the Reader’s Digest.’

Laughter cascades from Melissa. She can’t stop it.

‘Budge over, Mark,’ Saskia speaks in a high-pitched, prim voice that is uncannily accurate. ‘It’s my turn to cuddle up next to Melissa tonight! You’ve had your go!’

‘Oh stop!’ Melissa manages to gasp through her hysteria. ‘It’s too easy to picture it!’

Tears trickle from the corners of her eyes. Her empty stomach aches but it feels so normal, so sane and healthy. The kind of thing non-murderers do. Melissa wants this moment to go on forever, despite the guilt that nips at her. Poor Hester. She can’t help being so odd.

‘But really though,’ says Saskia as they start to settle down again. ‘Do you really want her back in your life?’

Melissa stares down at the kitchen table and sighs heavily.

‘Not really, no,’ she says quietly. But it’s not that simple, she thinks.

It is only now that she can admit to herself how suffocating she is finding Hester.

She is going to have to find a way to pull away from her if she has any chance of coming through this nightmare.