The Vargas Cartel Trilogy (Vargas Cartel #1-3)(74)

“Dammit.” He slammed his hand against the steering wheel. “This isn’t a joke, Hattie. You have to get back together with him.”

“Tell me why?”

“I can’t—”

“Of course not. Why would things change now? Why would anyone give me answers? Is this some sick and twisted game? Fuck with Hattie until she checks herself into a mental hospital.”

He cocked his head to the side. “No. I’m still trying to protect you.” He lowered his voice. “I’m always trying to protect you.”

“If this is how you protect me, I’d hate to know what it feels like when you stop.” I dropped my head into my hands. “Do you know what I’ve gone through since I got home? Do you have any idea?”

“Hattie,” he said, his voice soft. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. I’m sorry about everything. If I could change what happened to you, I would.”

Acid seared the walls of my throat, making it hard to breathe. “I’ve lost control of my life, and it kills me. I hate myself. I hate who I’ve become. And you know the icing on the cake in this whole f*cked up charade?” He shook his head. “Until last week, I thought I was pregnant. Can you imagine what a f*cking disaster that would’ve been? I still haven’t had my period.”

“Pregnant?” he said, his voice distant and threaded with frost.

“Yeah, pregnant. In case you’ve already forgotten the details, we didn’t use protection.”

“I didn’t think—”

“Right. You didn’t think. I didn’t think. That’s the point. Neither of us was thinking. In fact, nobody is thinking about what’s good for me anymore. They only care about how they look and what they want.” I white-knuckled the side of my seat, squeezing so hard; I was surprised my fingernails didn’t puncture the buttery leather. “Evan thinks I’m being selfish. My mom thinks I need to honor my commitment to Evan. You think I should get back together with Evan. Fuck, even Senator Deveron called to tell me he thinks I’m behaving impulsively.”

He turned off the car ignition, and I stared out the window, studying the gray walls of the parking garage.

“Hattie.”

“Leave me alone,” I said without heat because I was tired. Tired of my life. Tired of this back and forth. So tired I could feel the bags growing under my eyes. “Please. I can’t do this anymore.”

He grabbed my hand. “Look at me.”

“What?” I turned to look at him. Was that regret or exasperation lurking behind his hooded gray eyes?

“You’re right.”

Glaring at him, I asked, “Right about what?”

“Everything. Nobody has considered you in this whole mess, including me, and I’m sorry about that.” He combed his hands through his inky black hair and shifted his gaze forward. The overhead parking garage lamp lit up one side of his face, half dark, half-light, just like Ryker. “You don’t have to get back together with Evan. I’ll find another way.”

My brows furrowed. “You’ll find another way?” I echoed. “Another way to do what?”

Need and tenderness were etched into the hard angles of his face. Ryker brushed a thumb over my lips, and my lungs constricted. “To do my job and still keep you safe.”

“I don’t like this, Ryker. What aren’t you telling me?”

A smile tugged at his lips and his eyes glowed. He was so close I could see the fiery yellow flecks around his pupils. “Lots of things. Too many things.” He opened the car door. “Let’s go. You have a schedule to keep.”

I scowled, and he rubbed the back of his hand across his lips, smothering his laugh. It didn’t work. “Do I amuse you?”

“Always.”





Chapter Nine




Ryker



I held Hattie’s hand as we wove through the throngs of people rushing to class on the University campus. She talked about her passion for politics and her plans to take make-up classes this summer. I nodded and smiled where appropriate, but I couldn’t form the words to respond.

Guilt coated my stomach. I couldn’t believe I had asked her to reconcile with Evan. Sleep eluded me last night as I explored my options. In the end, I had decided to sacrifice Hattie, at least temporarily, until I figured out another solution.

I didn’t deserve her. She deserved someone better. Someone without baggage. Someone not tainted by lies. Unfortunately for her, I was selfish, and I had no intention of letting her go. Ever. I couldn’t imagine not wanting her.

“We’re going in there.” She pointed at a cream-colored structure. “This is the library. I need to grab a few books I have on reserve. Then, we can go.”

“I’ll wait here.”

She startled as I ran the pad of my fingertips down the side of her face to her collarbone. The air crackled with static electricity. Shifting on her feet, she bit down on her lower lip. She was nervous. I made her nervous.

She lowered her gaze. “Okay. It should only take me a few minutes.”

A smile spread across my face, and I yanked her against me, keeping our hands entwined. She curled her free hand around my shoulder, and it was all the permission I needed. I didn’t know how many more chances Hattie would give me, but I refused to let one slip away.