The Vargas Cartel Trilogy (Vargas Cartel #1-3)(6)

I held my hands over my ears. “I don’t want to know the details. Jesus, I get the point.”

“No.” He yanked my hands away from my face. “Let me finish. We danced. We kissed. After that, we went to dinner a couple times while you were at work. Then, she showed up at the bar the night you…” Evan looked away and rubbed the side of his face. “Found us. I didn’t invite her. We never had sex…not one time.”

I tipped my head toward the ceiling, the emptiness in my heart expanding to epic proportions with each passing word. “I appreciate your honesty, but I’m not ready to forgive you.” No, that wasn’t the truth. I’d never be able to have a trusting relationship with him again. Just thinking about how many times I crawled into bed next to him when he’d been with someone else sent a shard of pain through my foolish heart until it was nothing but a splintered mess in my chest.

“Not seeing you is tearing me apart.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “These past two weeks, I’ve been thinking about why I cheated.”

I lifted my eyebrows. “And what’d you come up with?” I prompted.

“I missed us. We used to spend all our time together, and lately you’ve been busy—”

“Don’t blame this on me.”

He shook his head. “I’m not, but I want more of you than you’ve been giving me. I want things to be like they were before graduate school.”

“I don’t know, Evan. Everything fluctuates over time. Between classes, work, fundraisers for your dad, and graduation, neither of us has much left to give. This break is probably a good thing.”

“Don’t give up on us. When it’s just the two of us next week, we can get past this…find a compromise.”

My eyes darted to the side. “Evan, I’m not going with you. I already canceled my flight.”

“What?” He stood up, two spots of color staining his cheekbones, his eyes dark with anger.

“I’m going to Playa del Carmen with Vera.”

“Fuck, Hattie.” He tugged at the roots of his sandy brown hair, causing gelled strands of hair to stick up in frazzled clumps. “You’re really going to throw us away over a few mistakes.” He pointed a finger at me. “You’re not perfect either, but I’m willing to overlook your faults. Can’t you do the same for me?”

And there was the arrogant Evan I knew. “I may have worked too late on occasion, and I know I’m not as spontaneous as you’d like, but I never cheated. Not once.” I cradled my body with my arms. “I never even considered it.”

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry,” he said almost soundlessly, dropping his head to his chest. “So where does this leave us?”

I stood up and walked to my door. He needed to leave. “There isn’t an us. At least, not now.”

“I’m not giving up. I love you.”

He wrapped his arms around me and brushed his lips across my forehead. I stood frozen in his arms, not reciprocating, but not moving. I missed him. I missed my perfectly arranged life, but I needed to let it go.

“I can’t promise you anything,” I whispered into crook of his neck.

“I know.” He released me and took a few steps back. “I have to meet my dad in twenty minutes, but this isn’t over. We’ll talk after Spring Break.”

“Bye, Evan,” I said, not acknowledging his words. Evan didn’t want to give up on me, but I wouldn’t give in either. I couldn’t, not if I wanted to regain control over my life, and I did…more than anything.





Chapter Four




“You’re wearing this.” Vera, my best and only true friend, tossed a black, silky dress, resembling lingerie at my face. Other than Vera, my friends had taken Evan’s side. They accused me of overreacting. Fuck them. I didn’t need them.

“No, thanks.” I tossed the dress on the hotel bed next to me. “I’m not going out tonight.”

She cocked one leg to the side and balanced one hand on her hip. “Why not? We’re in Mexico. We can’t sit in our hotel room like two losers.”

“You can go without me. I don’t mind.” I didn’t mind. In fact, I preferred it. That way, I’d have more time to sulk without worrying about Vera’s feelings. I needed to pull my head out of my ass and stop being a bad friend, and I would, but not tonight.

“That’s dumb. I’m not going without you.”

“Just go. I’m sunburned. I’ll be miserable.” I thumbed through the gossip magazine I picked up in the airport, pretending to be totally absorbed in the story of the latest starlet gone crazy. In truth, my misery demanded all of my attention. I didn’t have room in my life for other people’s problems and Vera clearly noticed. When Vera convinced me to go on this vacation with her, enjoying myself seemed like a foregone conclusion. Now, it felt like another obstacle, preventing me from putting shattered pieces of my life back into order.

Vera flipped her vibrant red hair over her shoulder. “Nope. That excuse won’t work. You didn’t leave the beach cabana once today, and you have olive skin.”

I tilted my head to the side. “I swam laps in the morning.” At home, I alternated between swimming and running on a daily basis. Exercise kept my life organized, structured…just the way I liked it. I didn’t like to deviate from my routine, and the last three weeks had been a huge deviation. I ran in a different park. I swam at a different gym. I slept in a different bed. I left my favorite coffee mug at my old apartment with Evan.