The Strength of the Pack (Suncoast Society #30)(78)

“I love you, too, Nate. Let me talk to Tilly, please.”

He blindly handed the phone to her. He felt her hands gently close around his and she took the phone from him.

“Hey… Yeah, we just woke up and need some food and coffee… Okay. Will do. Bye.” She ended the call and handed him the phone back.

“What?”

She smiled. “As your packmate, he gave me permission to go Domme on your ass to take care of you as needed.” She poked him in the shoulder. “Go. Get. Your. Shower. I want coffee and food and in that order. And you probably haven’t eaten since yesterday, have you?”

His stomach picked that moment to growl.

“Yeah,” she said. “That’s what I thought.”

He looked her in the eye. “Is this going to be okay?” he asked.

Her expression softened. He knew he was seeing the side of Tilly few people ever got to see. She tucked his hair behind his ears before she clasped his hands in hers. “I can’t promise you it will, but everything I’m seeing looks good. It’s too soon to tell.”

“Thank you for being here.”

“Hey, I’m a pushy bestie. Kind of my job.”

“How bad was it last night?” he asked. “Really. Honestly.”

Her brow furrowed and her mouth pressed into a straight, grim line before she answered. “We almost lost her. Twice. Literally, if we’d waited for an ambulance, she probably wouldn’t have made it. They might have saved the baby through an emergency C-section, but Eva would have bled out. I was actually the one who started the IV on her in the ER as the rest of them were trying to get her intubated and ready to move to the OR. I guess I kind of went a little Nurse Dommey, and they kind of forgot I didn’t work there, at first. Then they got her intubated and I took over the bag.”

She smiled. “They didn’t bother questioning me until I nearly ended up in the OR with them. That’s when they finally realized I was barefoot, and one of these things is not like the other, and ran me out.” She sighed. “I forgot how frantic ER shifts could be. They were my favorite in rotation, I think. No shocker there.”

She studied her hands. “Then they almost lost her again on the table during the second surgery. That’s why they had to do the hysterectomy, they kept pumping blood and fluids in her to get her BP back up. It was the only option.”

He nodded. “Thank you.”

“Hey, what good are those little letters after my name if I don’t get to use them every once in a while? And all those damned bedpans and adult diapers I had to change in school.” She smiled.

“And now you help make movies.” He finally managed a smile.

“Yeah, well, being a nurse was sort of sadistic in some ways, and I transitioned into a pro-Domme. Which was sadism and fulfilling fantasies. Now I get to torture Hollyweird execs and fulfill people’s fantasies on film. Kind of funny, when you think about it. The paths we take.”

He thought about the funeral, held at the base chapel, a family picture of all four of them propped on an easel as he held a sobbing Cherise in his lap and people they barely or didn’t know filed past and told them how sorry they were.

About the two urns sitting on a shelf in the living room at home.

About how alone he’d felt, how he’d forced himself to be strong because it was all he could do to make himself breathe, and he knew he needed to take care of Cherise.

How different his life would have turned out had Cherise not needed to pee and wanted frozen lemonade when she did.

How they might have died, too. Or if he’d left the area by himself, or not gone with them, how he might have later just killed himself out of grief.

How he’d locked his true grief away for years. Maybe he’d been cutting himself emotionally for two decades by keeping his standards so high he didn’t have to risk letting anyone in, until he met Eva.

And now…

He had a pack.

He’d only thought he’d grieved. Lied to himself. Yes, he’d cried, alone and with Cherise.

But he hadn’t really released it. The guilt. Survivor’s guilt. Guilt that maybe he f*cked up Cherise’s life.

Maybe Eva wasn’t the only one who had old issues to let go of.

Tilly gently tapped him in the middle of the forehead, bringing him back. “Shower, coffee, food. And I need to show you the chores and stuff everyone has to do every day. I already did ours for the day and signed off on the sheet before I came back up. When you check out, you have to make sure the room is clean, and wash all your linen and towels and stuff, and leave it ready for the next person to check in.”

“All right.”

“I’ll even cook you breakfast. The kitchen is open to whoever needs it.”

“What about Cherise?”

“We’ll take her something. They have take-out cartons in the kitchen for just that purpose.”

“All right.”

She dug out his clothes and handed them to him. Fresh briefs, shorts, jeans, two different shirts. “I didn’t know what you’d want, and we were guessing. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” He wouldn’t be able to shave, but that was okay. The bathroom even had hotel-sized soap and shampoo. Tilly had brought a travel kit for herself, so he didn’t worry about what he used or leaving enough. After he emerged, with the same jeans from the night before, but a different shirt, she smiled.