The Strength of the Pack (Suncoast Society #30)(59)

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her tears coming hot and heavy. “This isn’t what I meant to happen!”

He squeezed her hand and finally turned, pulling her into his arms. “I know, sweetie. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I think we’re all in shock.” He stroked her back as she sobbed against his shoulder. Leo leaned forward, between the seats and laid an arm over her shoulders, too.

“What am I going to do?” she managed through her tears.

“First thing,” Leo said, “is we’re going over to Nate’s office and having a talk with him.”

“He’s going to hate me.”

“Why?” the men asked.

“I mean…what if he thinks this was on purpose?”

“Was it?” Jesse asked.

“No! Hell, I didn’t know we were going to sleep together. I was so upset, and I told him about this, and then when he said he was okay with that I told him…what he did to me, and then…” She started crying again. “Hell, we didn’t even think it was going to happen until he found he had a condom in his bag he’d forgotten about. We were out of the ones we normally use for play. Usually he gets these flavored ones for me because—”

“Wait,” Leo said. “Back up. You guys didn’t mean to have intercourse? And it was the first time? What the hell have you been doing together all this time? I thought you two were sleeping together. I wasn’t asking because I was trying to respect your privacy.”

“Orgasm play, but not…you know…actual intercourse. So it wasn’t planned, no.” She fumbled the glove box open and found a pack of tissues in there. After blowing her nose, she said, “He even joked he hoped it wasn’t expired.”

There was a moment of silence from both men. “Oh. He did, did he?” She didn’t understand the sudden venom in Jesse’s tone.

“No! Not like that, it wasn’t like that. Please, guys, don’t hate him.”

Jesse and Leo exchanged a long look, apparently on the same wavelength…and the wrong one.

“Guys, please—”

“You were officially collared as under our protection,” Leo said. “He knew that. He had no right to go getting you—”

“You never said I couldn’t sleep with him,” she said, starting to feel a little aggravated at them for trying to shove the blame onto Nate. “You both said you liked him and signed off on me pursuing a relationship with him! You’ve practically been shoving me at him. So don’t go hating him because someone fell asleep at the quality control station.”

Silence filled the car, other than the sound of the engine and the AC running.

Jesse blew out a long breath. “Fuck,” he quietly said. “That could have been me the only time I slept with a girl when I was a kid,” he said. “Accidents happen.”

“Exactly,” she said. “Please, this is as much my fault as it is his. We didn’t set out to sleep together that night, but one thing led to another. If he hadn’t had any condoms we were just going to fool around like we usually do, but not actually have sex. I just…I wanted more, okay? I needed more.”

She looked down. “You guys have each other,” she said. “I wanted at least one time to actually f*ck him before I got pregnant, and I knew once we started with the appointments he and I wouldn’t be able to risk it. I needed something that was just between me and Nate, that was all ours, until after I had the baby. Besides, it’s been a long f*cking time since I’ve actually been f*cked. Since before Leo left me. Not that our play isn’t fun, but sometimes, a girl just needs that intimate emotional connection, you know?”

More silence. She hadn’t meant it as a guilt trip, but when she finally forced her focus up again, both men were staring at her with sympathy in their gazes.

“You never told me that,” Leo said.

“You never asked,” she shot back a little more harshly than she meant to.

“When you told me no one stayed the night while Laurel was home, I thought that meant—”

“I didn’t want to look totally pitiful,” she said. “The reason I broke up with Mark was besides the comments he made about you…he wanted to take things to the next level and I…didn’t.” She started crying again. “The other couple of guys I dated, when they wanted to have sex, I broke up with them. I couldn’t. They weren’t you. And after you left, I didn’t even have a goddamned orgasm until Nate and I started playing together. What Nate and I’ve had has been great, but I wanted just a little more…before. You know? Was that too much to ask? He’s sharing my goddamned uterus with you guys. I just wanted at least one time with him before that.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Leo’s sad tone only made her cry harder. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m happy for you two, all right?” she nearly screamed. “And I love you two guys, but dammit, I’ve been alone! Even with Nate, because I couldn’t make myself tell him everything before then. And I finally didn’t feel alone anymore with him that night, and I didn’t want to stop feeling not-alone, okay? So if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine for not being more careful. So please don’t hate him, because I love him.”