The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(30)
“Can I kiss you, Georgia?” she asks.
“I’m not gay,” I blurt out; I look up at Roman and shake my head. “I’m not gay,” I tell him, and his smile does something to my insides. He leans in and kisses my neck, right where it curves and meets my shoulder. I shudder and close my eyes.
“No one’s saying you’re gay, baby. She just wants to kiss you. D’ya want her to kiss you? Don’t think about it. Just go with what you feel.”
He pulls me to sit between his legs, and I lean back against his chest. I turn my head and look up at him.
“I want her to kiss me.”
What the f*ck? Where did that come from? I close my eyes in embarrassment. It’s not really that I want her to kiss me. I just have this strange desire to know what it feels like.
“See, just doing, not thinking, sometimes it’s good, Georgia. Like I keep telling ya, just go with it.” I open my eyes and look at him. My inhibitions have gone, all of them, floating away on the waves and swept out into the Pacific Ocean. I feel in control but out of control. He kisses me gently on the mouth, cupping my jaw in his big hand. “Don’t do anything you don’t wanna do; just go with it, baby. I’m here and I’ll keep you safe.”
He leans back on the blanket we’ve been sitting on, then pulls me down next to him; he leans over and kisses me again. I wrap my arms around his neck as his hand travels from my hip, up my side, his thumb resting and rubbing over my nipple. He pulls away, pushes himself up on one elbow and looks down at me. I’m flat on my back now looking up at him, and I feel like I’m floating. Skye is on the other side of me, her fingers gently brushing over my cheek and my lips. She looks up at Roman.
“She’s so beautiful.”
“I know,” he whispers and looks back down at me. Desire spikes through me; I have never done anything like this in my life. I have never been attracted to another woman, and I don’t even think I am now, but I’m here and it’s on offer. I just want to see what it’s like. Just a kiss, just one kiss. Her mouth comes down softly onto mine, and she tastes sweet, like cherry Chapstick. Her lips are so soft, and I’m completely still at first while she moves her mouth over mine. Her tongue flicks out and runs along the seam of my lips, then pushes in; her mouth is firm but gentle, forceful but not at all rough. I open mine and our tongues tangle for a few seconds until she pulls away. Her eyes look down my body, and I move mine to meet Roman’s. He gives a small smile and runs the backs of his knuckles over my cheek.
“You okay, baby?” I nod. “Feeling horny?” Am I that obvious? I nod, and he gives a little chuckle. “Shall we head inside? Go to Skye’s room? Don’t think, just answer.” I nod instantly, and he leans in and kisses me gently on the mouth. “Good girl,” he whispers.
Skye stands without saying a word. Roman pulls me up and my head spins; everything is still glowing silver, and for a few seconds, I have a strange fascination with my own hand. Roman grabs the hand that’s not silver and sparkly and we head inside the huge house.
*
The house is noisy as we walk through; the sounds of music, talking and laughter are distorted, sounding almost like they are in slow motion. I look down at my feet, making sure they are connecting to the floor as I hold on to Roman’s hand, as we head up some stairs and towards the back of the house, which overlooks the beach.
Roman leads me into a room, which has a soft, reddish glow to it. There is a large bed with voile drapes hanging around it from a canopy in reds and oranges, and there are posters on the wall of naked men and women. I stare for a few seconds, as they seem to be moving. There’s more voile covering a set of timber doors that open onto a balcony; the doors are open and the sheer fabric is blowing into the room. It looks stunning, ethereal. I reach out my hand to touch the fabric, but it’s further away than I think so I move towards the doors. Roman grips my hand.
“Hold my hand tight, baby; it’s not safe out there while you’re like this. D’ya understand me? Don’t let go of my hand, Georgia.” I nod my head and follow him out onto the balcony.
The view is spectacular. If only I could take a picture of what I could see. The water is silver, with a rainbow of colours bouncing from its surface; every person on the beach has a silvery glow coming from them. I turn to Roman.
“I’m totally off my nut.” He throws his head back and laughs loudly, and out of nowhere, Cam pops into my head. Cam and his big laugh; Cam, my Tiger. I feel a little tug at my heart. I brush it aside, put it away to think about when I’m not so f*cked-up, but it won’t stop. My heart feels a little strange because of the images I have in my head; Cam and his twirling chair, his desk, his office, the way he took control, the way I didn’t have to think, the way he called me Kitten.
“I miss Cam.” Roman turns and looks at me.
“Who’s Cam?” I try to focus as I look at him; everything I look at pulses with colour, and it’s hard to concentrate or focus on any one thing. “Who’s Cam?” he repeats.
“Cam, my Tiger. He saved me, you know, when Sean f*cked around with Whorely. Cam saved me. He saved me from me, and I loved him but I didn’t. I didn’t get it; everything in my head was messed-up, but he helped fix me and I loved him. I think I still do.” I frown and tilt my head as I try to focus on Roman’s eyes. “Can you love two people at the same time? Can you truly love someone with everything you are but still love someone else, still f*ck someone else behind their back, because you love them too? Is that possible, Rome? Can that happen?” I sway as I look at him. I don’t know his reaction to what I’ve just said because his face is just a blur to me now, and to be honest, I can’t even remember what it is I’ve just told him. He says something but his words are distorted, and I think I just laugh. He pulls me in for a kiss, then leads me back into the bedroom and over to the bed. I sit on the edge as he kneels in front of me.