The Story of Me (Carnage #2)(102)

“I mentioned it to him, told him that I’d be willing to do it for you, but I think he thought I was all talk. I don’t think he thinks I’d actually do it.”

“But you’re sure?” I ask.

“One hundred f*cking percent. I would never mention it if I wasn’t.”

“Is he okay with it though, with Cam? Will he…?” She knows what I’m thinking and trying to say.

“George, he’s your brother. He loves you to the point where I find it a bit creepy if the truth be told, but anyway, he just wants you to be happy, and if TDH is what makes you happy, then he’ll live with that.” I let out a long sigh as Jimmie shoulder-bumps me. I smile at her. “So,” she says.

“So,” Ash and I say together.

“Are we doing this?” Jimmie asks.

I’m sitting cross-legged on my bed, my two best friends on either side of me. I look at each of them.

“Fuck yeah, we’re doing this, and Ash, just so we’re clear, there’s nothing creepy between me and my brother.”

“Whatever,” she says. “Most my brother ever did for me is give me a discount on a gram of coke. If Marls didn’t have me and the kids, he’d die for you, George. I know he would.”

“It’s not just Marley, Ash. Len’s no different and I’m sure Bailey’s the same. She’s their little sister; they’ve been raised to always protect her.”

“You’re so lucky, George, and now you’ve got TDH, all dominant and alpha, looking out for ya. Fuck, girl, your Mildred must have teeth. How’d you manage to attract these gorgeous men?” I shake my head at her, just wait till I show her the photos of Roman but I’ll save them for another time.

We have a group cry and decide not to mention any of this to the rest of the family yet. Cam and I have enough to work through without throwing IVF into the mix, but the thought that we may actually have a baby together at some stage in the future causes the strangest bubbling sensation in my belly, and for the first time, in a very long time, I allow myself to hope.



*



Dinner is a noisy, chaotic affair as it always is when we’re all together. Once everyone has eaten, I dish out presents from Australia to all of the kids. The girls all get Havaiana flip flops and cuddly kangaroos and koalas, and the boys all get Billabong flip flops, baseball caps and T-shirts. The kids all insist on wearing their new clothes and then head off to the playroom while the adults remain sitting around the dinner table talking and enjoying after dinner drinks.

The boys and my dad have been polite to Cam and have engaged him in conversation. They all seem to have enjoyed more than their fair share of my dad’s best whiskey and bourbon, and Cam definitely seems a lot more relaxed than when we arrived. He sits with his arm around the back of my chair and strokes his fingertips over my shoulder, then up the side of my neck as I tell my family about learning to surf in Australia.

When the conversation falls quiet, Marley asks, “So what now, George? What’re your plans?” I lean back in my chair and look at Cam. I don’t know how he wants to play this. He’s very much like my dad with the old East End respect attitude and I don’t know if he wants to talk to my dad privately about me moving in with him or if he’s happy for me just to announce it. His eyes wander over my face and then he gives an ‘I’ve got this’ kind of wink and clears his throat.

“I was talking to your dad about this earlier,” he says, looking from Marley to Len and Bails. “I’ve asked Georgia to move in with me at my place in Docklands for now, but we’ve decided to look for a house together.” Marley slides down in his chair and folds his arms across his chest; he looks like a sulky teenager as he bites down on his bottom lip.

His eyes move to mine. “You’re moving in with him, already? You sure?” I nod my head slowly. The room is quiet; the only sounds are of the kids all playing in their room along the hallway.

“It’s not like we don’t know each other.” I shrug, look at Cam and then at each of my brothers. “I know I’ve spent the past year behaving like I should be sectioned.” I roll my eyes, realising what I’ve said. “Well, yeah, yeah, I know, I was sectioned, but you know what I mean.” I twist the corner of my napkin and look down at it for a few seconds, thinking that the twisted corner feels a little like my insides right now. As I let it go, it uncurls itself and I allow my belly to do the same. “Look, I’ve been a f*cked-up mess for a year. Going to Australia was the best thing I could’ve done. I’ve had a chance to get my head straight and realise how selfish I’ve been with my behaviour.” I look around the table at all of my family. “I’ll never be able to thank you all enough for helping me through the worst experience of my life, while at the same time dealing with your own grief. I behaved selfishly and I’m sorry for that.” Cam pulls me closer and kisses the top of my head. “I love you all and I am one hundred percent sure that I’m in love with this man here. It’s not like Cam and I have just met. We’ve known each other years and it was by pure chance that we bumped into each other in Australia.” Bailey raises his eyebrows over that little untruth. My family know nothing about my accidental overdose and telephone call to Cam but I carry on regardless. “We’ve both been dealt a shit hand in life. We’re both old enough to recognise love when it smacks us in the face and we don’t see the point in hanging about.”