The Stepmother(118)

 

And I had hidden them away, those pills, a secret stash, and my descent had started again, for a while.

 

When I got off them that time, I kept the leftovers for a rainy day – just in case. There’s always a just in case I think.

 

 

 

 

 

Sixty-Five

 

 

 

 

 

Jeanie

 

 

 

 

 

19 June 2015

 

 

 

 

 

9.35 p.m.

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

When I open my eyes and see Frankie, I am overcome. He comes into the room, which I understand to be a hospital room, as the nurse and the doctor with me explain.

 

I’m so groggy, I can’t speak; my lips are so cracked and dry – but the sight of Frankie’s face is enough, the warmth of his hug is more than enough, as is the kiss he gives me as I see the tears in his own eyes.

 

The guilt is enormous, but the relief is bigger. I love this boy so much; how could I think I’d let the devil take me down?

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Matthew wants to give it another chance. He came to see me just as I left the hospital, took me out to lunch in a nice Derby pub called The Silk Mill. We had fresh pies and thick chips and cider, and spoke little really.

 

I would never ever go back there again, to the horror of Malum House. Matthew wasn’t ready for a relationship when we married; I doubt he’s ready now – but I’m sure it won’t be long before Mrs King number three is bowled over by the fairy-tale house. Hopefully he’ll clear the spare room for her and keep it unlocked this time. Less Bluebeard, more real.

 

It turned out the stuff in there wasn’t Kaye’s – it was that poor girl Daisy’s. The maid is in the garden. Daisy, who Luke may or may not have tried to destroy deliberately. Apparently he swore blind he didn’t see her when he backed the car up – and it could have been the last dog that he was aiming for anyway.

 

I don’t know why Matthew didn’t sort the room out. Largely because he couldn’t bear to admit what had happened I think.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Luke has been signed up for psychoanalysis – the tough sort: an hour a day for weeks and months and years. Maybe there’s hope for him. He’s not intrinsically bad I’m sure. He’s just a confused, lost boy, hoping for his mother’s love. I think he’ll always be less than – never enough for her expectations.

 

But maybe now less of a threat than Kaye’s gorgeous daughter – whose sheer youth and vitality was driving her mother slowly mad.

 

Marlena told me what happened and what had been discussed. But I never really understood how much he did of his own accord – because some of it Kaye seemed to know about, and other things, like poisoning the poor little dog Justin and, in the process, accidentally poisoning himself, were all his own ideas, it seemed.

 

Classic trait of a sociopath – or, worse even, a psychopath: inflicting the pain you feel yourself on something else helpless.

 

Some time after it all, Luke wrote me a letter. I imagine he was forced to, but I was glad to receive it, all things considered.

 

I am very sorry, Jeanie, he wrote, for making things difficult. I didn’t think of the effect it would have on you. I didn’t mean to scare you so much.

 

 

 

 

 

But I would dispute all of those claims. He made me think I was going insane, and he scared me badly, however misguided his motives were.

 

Still, he was only a kid – and his mother was filled with such jealousy, undoubtedly she corralled him for her own ends.

 

Jealous of her own daughter’s youth and beauty. That’s a terrible place to be. There’s no way forward from that, no magic elixir of youth.

 

Only mirrors, to keep reminding you the clock’s ticking on.

 

And Scarlett?

 

She came to see me one day in London, when Frankie and I were staying at Marlena’s – before I moved back up to Derbyshire.

 

We went to a very cool restaurant in Spitalfields, all square tables and no pictures. I bought her a ‘gastro’ burger, whatever that was – and I had bangers and mash. We chatted about school. Scarlett told me about living some of the time with her godparents, Alison and Sean, and some of the time with her dad. She was also getting counselling she said.

 

Scarlett asked about Frankie, and I told her that he was too old for her, and it was too complicated – better they be friends. She picked at her nail varnish and didn’t mention him again.