The Spy Who Came For Christmas(19)

Why don’t you love me, Jemma? Why don’t you? For an instant, she could hear his scream in her mind.

“People can be f*cking blind,” Grayson said, his voice tight.

She nodded. “A week later, I was walking back to the dorm after a night class. I could see the lights of my building. I was so close…” The words trailed away. “But he caught me. He just came out of the bushes. Grabbed me. In the next second, I was shoved up against a tree and he had that knife at my throat again.”

Why don’t you love me, Jemma?

Tears stung her eyes. “He made me go with him. Gage kept that knife at my side and he wrapped his arm around me. When we passed people—people we knew—he’d jab that knife into my side harder even as he laughed and told them all that we’d gotten back together. That he’d decided he liked a little bit of crazy.” A tear slid down her cheek.

“When he forced me into his car, I knew that he was going to kill me. I knew it. He was going to take me away from campus, and I wasn’t ever coming back. I saw one of the campus cops, and I tried to get his attention. I called out to him, but I didn’t think he noticed.” She’d been bleeding then. Shaking.

“Gage took me to the edge of the campus. There was an old frat house there, an abandoned place. The windows were boarded up and the house was covered with cob webs. He kept that knife on me and made me go inside.”

Grayson stopped pacing. He turned and his gaze focused on her.

“He told me that if I made him very, very happy, he’d let me live.”

Grayson stepped toward her.

“I started to take off my shirt.” Pain, humiliation burned through her. “And he started laughing. I knew he’d been lying to me. Something was wrong with him. Broken, twisted up. I could see it, but no one else could.” Her hand slid to her waist. To the scar that was there. “He stabbed me three times. I screamed as loud as I could, and I fought him, but he was stronger and I was sure I was going to die in that place.”

“Jemma…” His eyes blazed down at her.

“But I got lucky. Seems some guy had decided to bring his girlfriend to that old frat house that night, too. Maybe he wanted to scare her. Maybe it was their make-out spot, I never found out for sure but…” Jemma shook her head. “They were outside and they heard my screams. They came running in and they saw Gage on top of me. I was bleeding and begging for help and he told them to just get the f*ck away.” She swiped at the tear on her cheek. “They didn’t get away. The guy charged at Gage.” The guy…his name was Ben. Ben helped me. Ben and Julie. “Gage dropped the knife. I-I picked it up. His back was to me and I was yelling for him to stop. To just stop.”

Some guys can’t take no for an answer.

“He spun around and lunged at me. And I drove that knife right into his chest.” Her breath heaved out. I told him. I told Gray everything. Her chest felt lighter. Her racing heart was slowing down. “Ben and his girlfriend, Julie, they told the cops what they’d seen. I wasn’t charged with anything—”

“Because you damn well shouldn’t have been.”

“But I left campus after that. I came back here. Decided to stay.” I was safe here. “I’d always loved baking and desserts and I—and I realized I had a knack for what I was doing.” Chocolates were the ultimate comfort. She knew that for a fact. “I had money from my mom’s life insurance, so I used it to buy the shop, and Holly Jolly Chocolatier was born.”

Grayson just stared down at her.

“That’s my secret.”

There was no missing his fury. “You’ve been keeping this inside…for all these years?”

“Gray—”

He caught her hands in his and pulled her up so that she was standing right in front of him, caged between his body and the couch. “I am so f*cking sorry you went through that hell.”

She swallowed.

“I wish that you’d never known pain a day in your life. I wish that I’d been there, that I’d known you then. Because you can absolutely be certain of this…I would have believed you.”

She couldn’t look away from his eyes. So much emotion there. Not just fury. Pain. Need.

And…

“You’re brave, Jemma. Brave and strong and smart, and you don’t have to keep your past secret. You did nothing wrong. It was all him. Not you.”

She knew that. Knew that Gage had been sick. But she also knew… “People look at you differently, once they find out that you’ve taken a life.”

A muscle flexed along his hard jaw. “Yes,” he gritted out, “they do.”

She understood right then that Grayson had killed. CIA—she knew what it meant. He’d been a spy. And if his missions were classified, she might never learn of the battles he’d faced. But she could feel his pain, just as surely as she knew he felt hers.

Two lost souls. Was that what they really were? Because as she stood before him, Jemma didn’t feel so lost. She actually felt as if she’d just found something that had been missing from her life for too long.

Someone.

“Gage is dead.” She’d watched his body be put into the ground. “So he’s not the one after me. He was the only threat I had.” She didn’t have any idea who could be targeting her now. “Why is this happening?”