The Solemn Bell(68)

She laughed. What a ridiculous way to feel at a time like this.

Yet, Captain Neill seemed to understand her secret. “I told you it would be beautiful.”

Perhaps he, too, felt made anew.





CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN





She stroked her hands lovingly over his shoulders, and down his arms, but stopped when she encountered the puncture marks. Brody had almost forgot they were there—the last reminders of his morphine addiction. He watched her fingertips explore the raised, darkened scars that would likely never fade. His heart sank. What had he done to himself?

He swallowed back the shame. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

“Not for me, surely…”

She shook her head. “I’m only sorry that you suffered. That your life before was so miserable this was the only way you could cope.”

“Things are better now.”

“Yes, they are.” Angelica smiled. Her blank, blue eyes sparkled, and Brody knew she was truly happy. He had made someone happy, just by being himself—tortured, imperfect soul that he was. She reached up to trace the smile on his lips. “I do love you so very much.”

He kissed her fingers. “And I love you. So very much.” Brody talked while she touched him. “You know I never intended to give you up. I thought I could, and there were moments when I wanted to, but my heart would never let me. I could have walked away that night and left you to suffer, and yet, I bundled you into my car.”

“And you took me shopping, and brought me here…”

“I was stalling, you see. Pathetic, really.” He laughed. “I was jealous, but I knew I had no right to be. Loving you did not automatically make you mine. I wanted you so badly, yet I did not think you wanted me.”

Angelica’s fingers danced on his chin. “I didn’t know. I was too inexperienced to understand.”

“Sweet, innocent girl. You’ve done a lot of growing up.”

She laughed. “So have you!”

Brody laughed, too. “It seems we’ve both come a long way these past few months.”

“There are times when it feels like the night of your accident happened to a different person. As if I wasn’t there at all.”

“Well, I’m terribly glad you were. I owe you my life, Angelica.” He would never stop telling her how grateful he was for her bravery that night. For her strength, months later. And, Brody hoped, for her love over the years. She truly was his guardian angel.

He clutched her to his chest. After a long, quiet moment, he confessed, “I’ve never done that before—made love. In the past, it was always a transaction. Always a means to an end. You’re the first person to have sex with me for me, and not for dope, or money, or anything.

“I was worried that I wouldn’t be any good at it—I’m not generally. You see, whores don’t care. They only want it to be over with as quickly as possible. And the others just want their pipe or their needle. They know whatever pleasure they find within the exchange is nothing compared to what will follow.”

She bolted upright. “Morphine is better than sex?”

Laughing, Brody pulled her back down on top of him. “With you? No. Never.”

At that, she purred like a kitten. “Well, for two people who had never made love, or been made love to, I think we did rather a good job of it.”

“Oh, yes. Rather.” Honestly, he couldn’t have imagined anything better, yet every time he made love with Angelica was somehow better than the last.

Angelica dipped her face to plant a tender kiss over his heart. “Brody…I’ve been thinking about something for a while now. I’ll understand if you don’t feel comfortable answering, but I still have to ask. After everything you’ve told me about your past, about the drugs, and the whores, and finding pleasure in sex acts you were ashamed of…”

He braced himself for the worst. She’d finally put the puzzle together. Finally realized his what dirtiest secret was—who his dirtiest secret was—and could no longer stomach such a weak, used-up man.

“…Well, remember when you returned to my house and found out that I’d been with another man? You told me a sorrowful tale of dealers prostituting women who traded their bodies for drugs. You said that giving my body away was no better, that it made it a cheap thing.”

She turned her brilliant blue eyes upward. “But I never felt that way, and now I understand why. When you accused me of cheapening myself by taking lovers, you weren’t talking about me at all. You were really talking about yourself.”

For a moment, he had trouble finding his voice. He’d sworn those sightless eyes could look into his soul, and he was right. She knew his dirty secret, and she did not care.

“Oh, Angelica. I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I wanted you to stay pure and sweet so no one could ever do to you the things they did to me.”

She found his lips and kissed them. “No one will ever hurt you again.”

“I think I’m supposed to say that to you…”

“Who says it doesn’t matter,” she said, smiling. “We have each other now. Our past is not important. From tonight on, we can only move forward. Day by day, Brody. You and me. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?”