The Scars That Define Us (The Devil's Dust #2)(3)

“You killed Cassie,” I state. Bobby shrugs and looks the other direction. “You saved my life, thank you,” I add quietly.

“I did what had to be done.” He looks right at me, his stare letting me know it was for the club, not me. We sit here silently, the air filled with so many questions but silence filling the unknown instead.

“I just need to tell Shadow I didn’t have anything to do with my mom’s cancerous plans. Everything will go right back the way it was,” I say to myself more than to him. I’m delirious with hope, not seeing the betrayal of Shadows actions clearly.

“You don’t actually believe that, do you?” Bobby looks at me like I’m an idiot. I shrug, knowing this is not going to be a simple process of forgive and forget with Shadow. His mom ruined him of trusting and loving easily, neglecting him and making him fend for himself at such a young age; makes him question who he can trust in this world if he can’t even depend on his own mother.

“No,” I respond, throwing my head in my hands.

“Look, stay in here, get a shower and I’ll come back and fill you in later,” Bobby explains, grabbing the door handle to the old, wooden door.

I look around the room. It’s a mess. I’m sure the bathroom isn’t any better.

Before I say another word, Bobby leaves and shuts the door behind him.

Looking at the dirty room around me, my heart suddenly ceases beating. A sob escapes my mouth as I realize the extent of the hell my mother has left for me to endure. If I ever see her again, I might kill her, make her bleed as my heart is bleeding right now and Shadow, he just messed around on me without a hint of shame. I look down at my arms and see the leather jacket claiming them, my jacket claiming me as Shadow’s property, telling the world I’m his ol’ lady. My chest feels heavy and begins to sweat. I’m suffocating. I pull on the leather jacket, scratching and screaming to get the damn thing off. I’m not anything of Shadow’s anymore. I get it off and throw it across the room as if it’s a plague. A violent scream erupts from my throat in despair.

Fuck Shadow!





SHADOW


My lungs take a second to regain airflow as Bobby slams the door shut. The last f*cking person I thought I would ever see just walked into my room, Dani.

I think she was in on the bust with her mom, using me to get information on the club and using me to get back at her mother in the process. Even with all that, I can’t get her out of my head. I still love the woman who used me and betrayed my club. How am I supposed to deal with that feeling of treachery? The only way I know how is drugs and women. It’s not working, though. It used to work before I knew Dani, before she became my Firefly, lighting up the dark torment, which was guiding my self-loathing. She was my drug rather than the drug of killing. Killing gave me control, made me feel like I had a handle of myself, of my life. Now nothing helps, no matter how many drugs I take or the amount. I snorted so much cocaine yesterday my nose bled, and the sight of women just makes me angry. Nothing can make me feel like Dani did, and nothing can numb the pain she caused.

“That your girl?” Mandy, or was it Sandy, asks me.

“Get your shit and get out,” I say, sitting up on the bed. Just seeing her makes my jaw clench.

“She the reason you can’t get it up?” she asks, her hands on her hips.

Like I said, even the sight of other women angers me. I still try to entertain the idea I want * but once I get them naked, I can’t stand to look at them. Knowing it’s not Dani and the fact that the only woman I want is a f*cking traitor makes my stomach turn. Once I got this slut in here, I couldn’t even touch her, making me angry at myself. Dani did this to me. She broke me beyond repair. My f*cking Firefly threw me into a darkness I can’t escape.

“Bitch, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get the hell out, now.” I point at the door. “Just your presence makes me want to kill you, let alone the idea of f*cking you,” I say coldly. Her mouth forms a gaping ‘O’ perfectly; I’m sure she would give amazing head. I watch her turn in anger as she slams the door behind her.

I get up, get dressed, put on yesterday’s clothes and throw on my cut. Running my hands through my hair, which is in desperate need of a trim and wash, I walk out the bedroom door. I stop and stare at the door across from me, knowing it holds Dani the remedy to my pain, but a toxin to my mind. How could she play me so well? I’ll never forget the feeling I got when her mother picked her up off the ground yelling about how she was a witness. I was told Dani was telling them everything, but I hoped it was a lie and they were just trying to get me to rat myself out. There are no words to describe it, but what boggles my mind more than anything is why did Dani come back?

***

I sit in my spot at the table and instantly smell Dani’s perfume. Her smell of peaches fills the air, making the hair on my neck stand on end. I look across the table and see Bobby staring back at me, his face in a scowl. I’m sure he’s not happy that he and Dani just walked in on what looked like me f*cking around. Fuck him.

“Dani’s here,” Bull says, cutting to the chase as he lights a cigarette

“What?” Hawk’s scratchy voice asks, along with everyone else who is just as surprised.

“Yeah, apparently she was just as startled about the whole shenanigans her mother had up her sleeve as we were,” Bull informs us as he takes a drag from his cigarette.