The Scars That Define Us (The Devil's Dust #2)(22)

I turn and cock my head to the side. “Friends of yours?” I ask Shadow, my voice tongue in cheek.

“Shadow, baby,” one of the girls coos walking into the apartment, uninvited.

“Girls!” Shadow says excitedly, his eyes never leaving mine. I don’t even try to hide the hurt in my eyes. Instead, I stare into his vindictive blue eyes and show him the damage he is causing. I look at the girls, eyeing me as if I’m the one out of place. I give Shadow one last look before making my way toward my room.

Once in, I slam the door and slide to the floor. I hear the girls giggle and laughing as I try to hide my sobs with the back of my hand. The sound of myself makes me ill. Why does Shadow make me so damn weak?

I deserve this. I was warned of the life the club lived. I created this Hell which is now my own.





SHADOW


I stare at Bobby’s door, the door that bars the girl I want to be with but am conflicted to be with. Hearing she was with another man has me thinking unthinkable things. I want to kill someone; I want to brand Dani so everyone in the world knows she’s mine. Yet somehow, I still feel the need to keep her at arm’s length. I shake my head, pissed I did this to myself. I had a code, rules I lived by religiously to make sure I never felt like this but Dani slipped her way in with her innocence and underlying defiance, making me feel like I could be normal, could trust and love someone. I scoff at myself. Trust. Love. Listen to me; I sound f*cking weak. I close my eyes and drag my hands through my hair. Weak is what I have become, though. Dani’s love is like a plague, killing me slowly, making me powerless. Making me think irrationally, giving me false hope of what could be. It’s poison.

“You okay, baby?”

I open my eyes to see two sluts standing in my living room, eyeballing me with concern. I wanted to hurt Dani, wanted to hurt her like she did me when I heard she was moving on. But after seeing the pain in her eyes, seeing her break down further than she thought she could ever fall, I felt regret. I feel like a jackass. I grit my teeth. I feel this way because I’m in love with Dani. If I was thinking clearly, I would drag these girls in the back and f*ck them, watch them f*ck each other and then f*ck them again, making them scream my name. But I can’t.

I stand, stomp my way toward the couch and hand one of the girls their purse. “Get out,” I bark, the sight of them angering me.

“But we just got here,” one says, trying to sound flirty. It might have been sexy at the bar, but now it’s repulsive. These girls couldn’t hold a flame to Dani; they’re just trash.

I point to the door. “And now you’re leaving. Get. The. Fuck. Out!” I shout.

“You’re an ass, you know that?” one sneers, slinging her huge-ass purse over her shoulder. She isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know, though.

I grab my beer, which I probably don’t need and walk back down the hall slowly, standing against the wall across from the door that holds a broken Dani. I slide down the wall in defeat, my emotions for this woman killing me from the inside out. I’m damned in destroying us, and I’m incapable of preserving a normal relationship. I’m like a little boy handling a butterfly too roughly, knocking the vibrant-colored dust which makes it unique loose then pulling its wings off one by one, keeping it from being free and making it a prisoner of flight. I reach into my pocket and pull out Dani’s iPod. I don’t know why I kept it. I could buy my own, put better tasting music on it even, but for some reason, every night I find myself listening to it. I put the ear buds in and turn it to “Torn To Pieces” by Pop Evil. The song is more fitting, describing my life so accurately.





I OPEN THE DOOR to find Shadow asleep on the floor across the hall this morning. He looks sweet and at peace when he’s asleep. Looking at him in his cut, tattoos peeking out beneath his shirt, I realize why I can’t have a Prince Charming; I’ve fallen in love with the villain. Living life on the edge and breaking all the rules, I want to find redemption in us. Our love was never meant to happen but awoke by chance. Only time will tell if hope gets us anywhere or if it’s just a word they teach people who are giving up.

Looking him over, the iPod in his hand catches my eye—my iPod. That *, I’ve been looking everywhere for that thing. I gently grab it and look it over then look back at Shadow, watching him sleep. His face is soft when he’s asleep. I don’t understand him and I don’t understand us. I heard him yell for those girls to leave last night, but why? He clearly brought them here to make me jealous, to watch my pain. I look down at my iPod and find Justin Timberlake’s ”Not A Bad Thing” and put it on repeat. I sit it back down beside his hand and head toward the kitchen. I want him to know loving me isn’t a harsh reality; it’s an earth shattering high. As hard as it is to accept, Shadow will always be a part of me. He brought out a side of me out that was chained and kept prisoner. I was set free when I met Shadow, released from the throes of detained lies and flown into the dark truth of what lies beneath my surface.

I’m putting my bowl up from breakfast when I hear Shadow groaning as he wakes up from down the hall. He walks in and instantly my body is alive from his presence. He leans against the counter and eyes me with his stormy, blue eyes. I look away, trying to fight the internal battle my body is having with my mind.

“I didn’t sleep with them,” he says roughly, his voice still sleepy. He’s talking about those two girls last night. I knew he didn’t sleep with them, but I won’t say that.