The Rule Book (Rule Breakers #1)(60)
“I don’t mean to pry.” Let’s be real here, I totally did. “I just want to hear more about you. I feel like I’m the only one that ever shares anything personal, and I don’t want this to be one-sided.” Future conversations would be pretty boring if it continued this way.
Awful flashbacks of family dinners washed over me with this déjà vu moment. Mom would ask Dad about his day, and he would shrug noncommittally. To think, he kept a whole other family hidden from us for years.
By no means did I believe I was the other girl in Brogan’s life—because, come on, the guy barely had time for work and his dog—but I didn’t want to fall into the same holding pattern that my mom had been in for twenty-seven years.
I pressed on. “Is that why you have so many rules? Because of him?” I couldn’t help it. Brogan was like a damn bag of Doritos. Once opened I wanted to devour the whole thing. Even if it meant prying a little hard for information.
“Lainey.” This time his voice was much harsher. “Stop pushing.”
The pressure in my head continued to press against my skull. I’d tried hard to be patient, but it was clear I wasn’t going to get through to him. His secrets, his desires, they all remained locked behind a door, and he wasn’t ever going to give me the key. “Unbelievable. All I want is to know a little more about you. I’m not even asking for much. Shit, I ask about school lunches, and you treat me like I’m interrogating you.”
He threw up his hands. “That’s what it feels like.”
Oh hell no. He would not pin this on me. Heat sizzled on the back of my neck, and I put my fork down. “I might be nosy, but like hell am I shining a police light on you.” Everything from five years ago came pouring back. The call from my mom, listening to her cry over the phone while I sat helpless in my dorm room. Googling my half-siblings and spending the rest of the day in the bathroom, sick from the news.
I cut my gaze to Brogan, this man who wouldn’t share a damn thing with me, who’d already made it clear he didn’t have time for commitment. “This is what people in relationships do, Brogan. They get to know each other. You know what they don’t do? Pretend everything’s great on the surface while keeping their whole life a secret.”
His fork clattered against his plate, and he looked up at me with unfamiliar eyes. Cold, unforgiving. Similar to when he’d chewed me out this morning. “You think I like keeping everything inside? Try having your life splattered over the front page of every tabloid.” He shook his head, defeat flashing in his gaze. “People break trust, Lainey. If I’ve learned one thing, it’s easier just keeping everyone else out. Living by my rules has gotten me this far, and I don’t plan to change that anytime soon.”
I sucked in my cheeks and swallowed past the tightness in my throat. Okay. This was not the way to go about getting to know Brogan better. If anything, he’d shut down even more. I should have let it go. I should have steered the conversation to something pleasant, something that didn’t involve opening up whatsoever. But I couldn’t. I deserved better than that. Hell, I liked Brogan. Really liked him. But what was the use of being with someone who would never let me in?
I frowned at him. “If we’re getting into technicalities, you’re doing a shitty job following your own rules when it comes to me.”
His jaw ticked and he blinked hard. “You’re right.” He shoved a hand through his hair and let out a loud sigh. “I’ve lost my damn mind when it’s come to you. This whole thing is insane.”
“I mean, it’s not that insane,” I muttered. Unexpected, yes. But crazier matches have happened. Like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.
“No, it really is. I made these rules for a reason. Why would I break them? They’ve kept this company functioning.”
He stared at his plate, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he finally looked at me, a completely different person sat across the table. Someone who I could imagine fighting tooth and nail to get to where he was today. Someone cold. “My judgment is clouded. Obviously I haven’t been thinking clearly for weeks.” His voice took on an eerily calm quality. “If I hadn’t been so unfocused, we might have prevented the hacking problem.”
Low blow.
The jab at my work performance cut deeper than I expected, and my pulse jackhammered against my skull, an unease building in my chest. “I thought we weren’t bringing up the office at home.”
“You’re right. But maybe I was too hasty in my decision to invite you here in the first place. It was simpler before I met you.” The muscle in his jaw ticked, and he stared down at his plate.
Simpler? Why not just punch me in the face? There’d be less sting with a bloody nose.
I put my napkin on the table and crossed my arms over my chest, no longer hungry. “I don’t know who hurt you in the past to make you this way, but I’m not some jerk looking for an edge on you. I’m interested in you as a person, Brogan, and I can’t be in a relationship with you if you can’t give a little.”
His cold gaze sent a shiver through me. “I can’t.” Only two words. Two words that spoke volumes more than anything else he’d said tonight. They said “done,” and, “you shall not pass.”
My cheeks heated, and my eyes stung as I fought away unexpected tears. The tiny bit of hope that I’d clung on to deflated faster than a popped balloon. How did I go from an open invitation to stay at Brogan’s house, and laughing about vegan cheese, to ruining the mood in two seconds flat? There must be some Guinness World Record for this. If not, I was phoning it in tomorrow.