The Rule Book (Rule Breakers #1)(26)

I’d decided to hold off on the wet food until after our walk, since that was what seemed to give him the most gas. A less gassy Bruce equaled a happier Lainey.

I pulled my sweater tighter around me and grabbed his leash off the counter. The wet spot Bruce had used as a chew toy sopped against my leg, and I glared down at him.

He just wagged his tail in response. Monster. Hope the sweater gave him extra gas tonight—after I left.

I leashed him up, and we strode out to the elevators, his toenails clicking against the tile. I looked down at the mutt and shook my head. What was the story with Bruce anyway? Everything else in Brogan’s life seemed so clinical, clean, organized. This dog was a mess. What neat freak who couldn’t handle garlic in the workplace wanted a dog that farted non-stop and left a trail of drool like a slug along the slate floor? It didn’t make sense.

It wasn’t my job to speculate, though. It was my job to make enough money to not drown in health insurance debt for the rest of my life.

As soon as Bruce and I entered the street, I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed home. Mom had just gone through another chemo treatment today, and I wanted to check on her. She picked up after the fourth ring, her voice weak.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mom.”

She took a deep breath, exhaling into the phone. “How are you, sweetie?” Her voice trailed off, barely carrying through to my end of the call.

Dang, she’d sounded more tired than I’d heard her after prior treatments. “I’m okay. How are you? How did treatment go today?”

She paused for a moment, the silence saying more than anything else. I imagined her hunched over the toilet, all alone in the house, no one to take care of her. What if she passed out? What if she had a bad reaction and no one was there to take her to the hospital? All the what-ifs washed over me and my gut twisted.

“It was tough.”

A cold sweat broke out on my back and everything suddenly felt too warm, too much. For her to admit this meant things were way worse than I’d originally envisioned. This was the same woman who shot a nail through her finger during a kitchen DIY project, and instead of freaking out, took a picture first and laughed the whole way to the emergency room. “The doctors don’t think these meds are working as well as they should be. I’m going on a new cocktail next week.”

My heart lodged itself in my throat, and I pinched my lips together to keep from letting out a sob. Obsessing over worst-case scenarios really wasn’t how I tended to live my life, but this was a living, breathing incarnation of my worst nightmare. In fact, nothing else was on the same playing field.

How many other treatment options were there? What if this next one didn’t work well either? Tight tendrils of fear gripped my chest, and it took me a second to work away the stiffness and realize I was the one who needed to be strong here. I wasn’t the one who was fighting cancer, because I refused to believe she was dy—I couldn’t even bring myself to think the word.

“Do you need me to come home? I can drive back this weekend.” If I actually had PTO, I’d leave right that second with the damn dog riding shotgun in my car. My voice warbled, and I blinked away the fresh sting in my eyes. Nope, I would keep it together. This was a setback, not a catastrophe.

She sighed, and her voice took on this breathy quality that I’d never quite heard from her before, like someone who was breathing through their mouth to keep from vomiting. “No. I’d like to be alone for a few days.”

I was a three-hour car ride away, and I felt completely and utterly helpless.

“Mom, it’s no problem. I’m here for you.” I had to offer at least once more, because in all honestly, I’d lasso the moon for this woman if there was a remote possibility of that making her feel better.

“I know, sweetie. But give me a few days, okay?”

I was twenty-four years old, and I didn’t care who knew it—I needed my mommy, and I wanted to comfort her, but I wasn’t about to go against her wishes. If she wanted to be alone, I had to respect that. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away with my jacket sleeve.

Bruce whimpered softly and brushed against my leg, looking up at me with those big black eyes.

Right then, I knew in my heart it was a mistake coming to Washington, being this far away from Mom. Money meant crap if she didn’t make it past chemo. I hung up and squinted my eyes shut, the air magically vanishing from my lungs. My legs buckled and I fell to my knees in the middle of the park walkway as tears began to stream down my face. I tried to calm my breathing, acutely aware that I was in public and people were probably starting to stare. Bruce licked my cheek, and I hugged his neck, crying into his fur. He put his paw on my arm and I got the distinct sense that he was trying to protect me.

Breathe. You can’t give up or else she gives up.

I gave myself a few more moments to compose myself, wiping at my eyes, and then straightened. This was not the Lainey Taylor I’d worked so hard to become. Crying didn’t solve things, and if I was anything, I was a fixer. So I’d suck it up and do the right thing, because I was not losing her. I couldn’t. She was my best friend. Life without her wouldn’t be living.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks and looked down at Bruce’s sad face. “Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?”

He wagged his tail and gave a toot toot toot of flatulent reassurance.