The Rogue (The Moorehouse Legacy #4)(66)

She rubbed her eyes. “I know. That’s why I came. I’m so sorry I didn’t believe you about Amelia. I really am…I talked to her about the whole thing, but I should have had faith in you without that.”

“It really killed me that you didn’t trust me.”

“I know—”

“Because it meant I couldn’t tell you something about myself. Something that is probably going to change your opinion of me. I figured if you didn’t have enough faith that I wouldn’t do something absurd like sleep with Amelia, you and I would never be able to deal with my past. So we’d never have…you know, a future.”

What was this, she thought, a strange hope sizzling across every inch of her skin. She’d come to apologize and do the right thing. But she’d never dreamed…

“A future?” she murmured. “Spike…I thought you don’t do relationships.”

“Me, too. But you’re different.” His eyes traveled over her. “You’ve been different since the moment I first saw you coming out of that bathroom at Alex’s. Then when I went out to Greenwich, I tried to do the right thing and stay away from you, but I failed. By the end of Memorial Day weekend, I’d thought maybe we could have something…but then you left and I assumed it was because Richard told you about me.”

“He didn’t say a word.” Joy started to gather speed, but then anxiety gathered in her chest instead, tightening her ribs. “Spike…what don’t I know about you?”

His deep breath made her nerves go off until they were a wild jangle. “Mad…1 went to prison. For a long time. Years.”

She wrapped her arms around herself. “What for?”

“I killed a man.”

“Dear…God.” She closed her eyes, hoping, praying it wasn’t in cold blood. “Why?”

“To save Jaynie’s life.”

Mad looked at him, thinking about what his sister had said at the dinner table. “Spike…there was no choice, was there? She was in…mortal danger, wasn’t she.”

His eyes darkened from conflicted feelings. “There was no other way. I had to do it.”

“But then why did you go to prison?”

“You can only raise self-defense against a murder charge if you were the one being attacked. I wasn’t the one he was going after with a baseball bat.” As she flinched, he said quickly, “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel…uncomfortable around me.”

Spike moved a little farther away from her on the bed, as if not wanting to crowd her in any way.

Her mind went through her memories of him, focusing on the moments when he’d disappeared even when he was right in front of her. “So this is what you hide. This is what you don’t talk about.”

“Yes. I…Mad, I didn’t mention it to you in the beginning because I figured we were just friends. But then things got complicated. I was going to tell you, I swear. Especially after I decided…”

“What?”

“That I wanted to see you again. Often.”

She looked at him for a long time, then reached out for his hand. He seemed surprised that she would want to touch him, his eyes widening.

As their fingers intertwined she said, “I wanted that, too. I want that.”

His brows shot up. “Even though you know?”

“Yes. I can’t pretend that I’m not shocked. I am. But I’m not frightened of you. And I’m not going to stop…” Now that she was fully awake she found it hard to say the L word. “I still want to see you.”

“Are you sure?” He bent down and kissed her hand, squeezing it tight. “Because I figured…with the way you lost your mother, this would be especially difficult for you to accept.”

She frowned. “The way I lost my…what does my mother dying of cancer have to do with your having been to prison?”

Spike’s face registered undiluted shock. Like the kind people showed at traffic accidents. “Excuse me?”

“My mother died of cancer. So why should your past be hard to accept because of that?”

“What?”

“I…Why are you so surprised by this?”

He cursed and then those yellow eyes narrowed until they were slits. “You have no idea what…Holy hell.”

Holy hell was right, she thought. Spike was truly furious. And trying very hard not to show it.

“How did you think she died?” Mad asked.

“It doesn’t matter—”

She cut him right off. “Michael Moriarty, so help me God, you better not withhold anything from me anymore. If you and I are going to be together in some way, we are starting a no-hiding rule right now. Either you are totally up front with me or you and I are going nowhere fast.”

His brows lifted. Then he smiled a little. “Okay. I…ah, all right. You know, I kind of like it when you order me around.”

“Good. Get used to it. If I can handle the boys on the crew, I can handle you. Now spill it.”

He kissed her quick and hard. Then got serious. “Richard told me that your mother had died in the course of a violent felony. He said he’d looked into my background and gone to you as soon as he found out about my past. Maintained you’d left because you didn’t want to see me anymore. That’s why when I came to you in Newport, I was so surprised you thought I’d been with Amelia.”