The Problem with Forever(40)

“I’m not trying to be a bitch,” she said, and I thought she was doing a good imitation for someone who wasn’t trying. “But Rider has been living with a guilt trip since I’ve known him, and it wasn’t until this past year that he seems to have moved on. And now you’re back. That kind of crap is the last thing he needs right now.”

Guilt trip? I blinked slowly as the empty sensation spread across my chest. Numbness followed as what Paige was saying began to really sink in. Rider had shared heavy stuff with her. Unspeakable things about both of us, and he felt guilty—he felt bad for what had happened to me. His pity cloaked me in a stickiness that couldn’t be washed off.

Her eyes narrowed and then she shook her head, letting go of my arm. In that moment I realized we had an audience. I didn’t think they could hear us, but they were definitely watching. In a rare moment, I was too startled to feel humiliation.

“God, you’re so stupid,” Paige bit out. “You’re looking at me like you have no idea what I’m talking about. Why else do you—”

The words erupted from me, bursting through the seal that had plugged the top of my throat. “I’m not stupid.”

Paige’s jaw gaped. A moment passed, and the sound of the students around us faded away. “Did you just speak to me?”

A voice intruded. “Don’t be a cabrona. I know it’s hard and it’s like all you have in this world, but Jesus, knock it off.”

My gaze darted to where Jayden stood. I dragged in a deep breath, welcoming the earthy scent that seemed to always cling to the younger boy.

Paige’s cheeks flushed pink as she turned to Jayden. “What did you just call me?”

He tilted his head, eyeing her. “You know what I said. And you know it’s true, unless you’re the estúpido one.”

Her eyes narrowed, but Jayden edged her out of the way, allowing me to gain full access to my locker. Without looking at the small crowd that had gathered around us, I tugged open the door and quickly switched out my books, barely aware of what I was doing. My head was thousands of hours in the past, and when I turned around, Paige was gone and Jayden was standing with his signature sleepy smile on his face.

“Walk you to class, mu?eca?”

I’d heard mu?eca used before. Carl called Rosa that every once in a while, and she smiled when she heard it. Hands shaking, I nodded as I hefted the strap of my bag.

“My locker is actually down the hall,” he added. “I have a reason to be in this hallway. Paige doesn’t.”

The twisting motion in my stomach increased since that meant Paige was seeking me out.

Jayden fell in step next to me, and I kept my chin down, eyes on the floor as we navigated the congested hall. I wondered if this would mean he’d be late to homeroom, but doubted he cared.

“Can I ask you something?”

I nodded again.

He scrubbed a hand over the close-cropped curls. “Why don’t you talk? I mean, you can. I’ve heard you. So why not talk, like, you know, all the time?”

Don’t make a sound.

Those four words echoed in my thoughts as I struggled now to get my tongue to work. Would “conditioning” make sense if I gave Jayden that explanation, or would he think I was weird? Probably weird. Dr. Taft had explained to Rosa and Carl that my lack of...speaking came from PTSD and that I had been conditioned to be as quiet as possible. I’d done research on the whole conditioning thing and learned all about Pavlov’s dog. At least I didn’t drool when a bell was rung. I’d just been trained through negative reinforcement to not make a sound, to not be seen or heard.

“You know, it’s all right. No worries. Like I said the other day, I’ll do the talking. It’s kind of like my thing. You know what they say about me, mu?eca? That I can sell ice to an Eskimo. I’m just that cool and charmin’.” With his grin, I couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not. “I think that’s what I’ll do once I get out of this damn place. Go into sales. I’d rock that shit.” He paused. “Unlike Paige. If she was tryin’ to sell somethin’, she’d just piss that person off.”

I drew in a shaky breath. “How can...Rider like her?”

He stopped and looked up at me. “Paige?”

“I’m sorry,” I immediately said, thinking of how Rider explained that Paige had known Hector and Jayden since they were young. “She’s your friend and...”

“Yeah, she’s my friend, but she ain’t actin’ right with you, so you don’t need to apologize. She’s not like that with Rider. And I doubt she’d act that way when he’s around. She wouldn’t pull any crap with him.”

Jayden pulled out a phone from his pocket—a new, shiny and large cell phone. He hit the screen, quickly scanning a text message. His brows knitted. “Anyway, just ignore Paige. You probably already...”

Jayden trailed off, and when I looked up, we were near my homeroom class, but that wasn’t what he was staring at. Up ahead, a really big dude was coming down the hall. Had to be a senior—a senior that might’ve repeated the final grade a year or three. He was staring at Jayden in the way that other guy was eyeballing him the first time I’d seen Jayden.

“Mierda,” Jayden muttered, and then started backing up. He glanced at me. “Check you later, mu?eca.”