The Private Serials Box Set(93)
Lena let out a small bubble of laughter. “I guess that’s true, but it’s just not the same. I’m going to miss my girls.” At that point, Lena’s hand left mine and I watched as the three slightly drunk girls wrapped their arms around each other in a group hug, swaying and stumbling in the sand, but ultimately staying upright as they embraced each other. I stood back and let them have their moment, smiling at how much they seemed to genuinely care about each other. Women seem to form bonds, strong bonds, quickly. They could become best friends with someone almost instantaneously, and remain loyal for a lifetime. But, they could also turn on you even quicker. Men were much more reserved and cautious when it came to trust and friendship. I gave my friendship to very few people, and even then, they were men I’d known for years.
When the girls dispersed, Lena made her way back to me, her eyes a little sadder than before. The three of them were quiet until we’d made it back to the apartments, then they made plans to lie on the beach the next afternoon, all three agreeing that a morning run wasn’t on their to-do list.
We walked into our apartment and I flipped on the lights, heading directly to the kitchen to bring Lena a tall glass of water and some pain pills. She quietly sank into one of the chairs around the table.
“Wanna talk about it?” I asked as I grabbed a glass from the cupboard.
She looked back at me and gave me another sad smile. “I’m just going to really miss the girls. I’ve never been far from Sam, besides the first two months here. And I love Piper, but I’ll be honest, it makes me a little jealous that the two of them will be living together while I’m all the way across the ocean.” She dropped her face into her hands and groaned. “Ugh. I sound like an annoying child.” She took another deep breath and her eyes met mine once more. “I’m mostly just sad.” She paused again. “Sam’s always been around, and when she wasn’t I had Piper.” Her face turned into an adorable pout and her eyebrows scrunched up in the middle. “Now I won’t have either of them.”
“Babe, come here,” I said, trying not to laugh at how adorably drunk she was. She stood and wasted no time ambling into my open arms. I ran my hand down the back of her head, loving the feel of her silken hair against my skin. “Everything’s going to be all right.” I let her lean in to me for a while before prodding further. “You know I’ll support you in whatever decision you make, sweetheart. And if you want to stay in Hawaii I will, gladly. But I’ll follow you anywhere.” I felt her tense a little in my arms and I knew what was going through her mind. “Do you have any friends or relatives anywhere else? Do you have any place else you can go where there would be people you could rely on?” She shook her head against my chest.
“The only family I have left is in Russia and I haven’t seen them since I was a small child. Any other friends I had were friends of Derrek’s.” She slumped further against me and I hugged her closer. “You’re all I have.”
Her words, although they meant the world to me, left her feeling less, left her lacking. She needed her friends just as much as she needed me, but wasn’t allowing herself to be close to them. I wanted so badly to just shake her and tell her to go back to Portland, that I would keep her safe and far away from the memories of Derrek, that she didn’t have to punish herself this way. But I knew she needed to come to that conclusion on her own. I knew Lena, and I knew the decision to be in Portland needed to be hers alone, so I didn’t push. I couldn’t help but wonder when Lena would take something for herself. She’d spent years in a marriage of giving and giving up, and did nothing but sacrifice for others I resolved in that moment that I would try to help her realize that she deserved to take what she wanted, that she deserved the same happiness anyone else did.
“Everything is going to be all right. I swear. If I’m all you have then I’ll be all you need.” I leaned back and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “Will you drink this water for me and take these pills? I need you to sober up a little so we can have a conversation.”
“Is everything all right?” she asked anxiously.
“Yeah. Just do this for me and then get ready for bed and I’ll meet you there after I shower.”
She nodded then tipped up on her toes, trying to reach my lips with hers—always failing since I was so much taller than her. So I smiled and leaned down to meet her, accepting the way her lush lips pressed into mine, the way her meek and shy tongue asked gently for permission to enter, then took more from her than I had anticipated when my tongue took a few wide sweeps through her mouth.
I pulled away, not wanting to take the kiss further, needing, instead, to clear the air between us.
“Go, babe. I’ll meet you in the bedroom in a bit.”
She smiled, turned away from me, and made her way down the hall. I scrubbed my hands down my face, trying to build up some nerve to have a discussion with Lena that could really go one of two ways. I made my way to the bathroom and showered, distracted, trying to piece together what I would say to her, how I would tell the woman I loved I was being forced to kill her husband.
I stepped out of the shower, confidence at an all-time high, convinced I was going to march into the bedroom and tell her the truth, tell her about Edgar and Derrek, and everything would work out for the best. I wrapped a towel around my waist and marched into the room, only to be stopped in my tracks by the sight of Lena kneeling on the bed.