The Private Serials Box Set(50)
I shook my head.
“Now listen to the reasons you should give yourself over to me, take me up on my offer, and be a good girl, Lena.” His hand left mine and I felt my bottom lip pull into a pout for just an instant before I could rein in my tell. He didn’t need any more fuel for the fire he was slowly stoking. He left my hand cold, but his fingers found his mouth, his index finger running over the slight stubble above his lip. I swallowed hard, imagining that stubble running along my upper thigh, and felt my sex start to throb between my legs.
“One: I don’t believe in God, per se, but I do believe in fate. I believe there’s a reason I’m the one you’ve decided to help you end this. Is it bad timing? Sure. But when’s the last time anyone was ready to find something as fantastic as we are together and it was just handed to them? Never. The best things happen when it’s least convenient. Two: I can help support you while you sort out your marriage. I know it’s not optimal, and I know you don’t need anyone’s help, but I can make it easier for you. I’d like to make it easier on you.” He paused and took another sip of his scotch, swallowing slowly. “My third reason is my most compelling: I want you, Lena. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you, and I’m willing to do anything to have you. I’m hoping you’ll trust me to make this decision for us.”
What he said was nuts. It was crazy. It was every bad idea I’d ever had, wrapped up in a bow, and put under the crazy tree. But it’d been years since someone had wanted me. And even though I knew it was a reckless decision, I couldn’t admit I wasn’t swayed by his words. I couldn’t tell my heart to stop pounding in my chest, couldn’t make my pulse stop skipping around, and couldn’t keep the corners of my mouth from tipping up and even more, I didn’t want to.
I could see the unease come over Preston when I didn’t answer right away, and he began fidgeting with his glass again.
“I can’t give you everything he gave you, can’t provide the same kind of life he could, but I’m hoping you’re looking for something different.”
My hand instinctively found his again, trying to ease him slightly.
“Preston,” I whispered, suddenly acutely aware we were having a supremely private conversation at a table in the middle of a swanky restaurant. “Look at me.” His eyes found mine and I saw the worry in them. His apparent vulnerability tugged at my heart. “I’d be lying if I said I knew exactly what I wanted, or where I think I’ll be in a month, or a year. But I do know that being with you has been the highlight of the last few years. Even in the wreckage that is my life,” I couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped me, “you’ve been able to give me something I’ve been lacking for so long, something I’ve always wanted.”
“You haven’t given me an answer.”
“I don’t have an answer.”
“That’s not good enough.”
I shrugged. “It’s the best I’ve got for now. I can’t give you something I don’t have, and I don’t have any assurances. All I know with complete certainty is, I’m here with you right now and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
Preston didn’t move for a few moments and I felt my breath stall, afraid I’d lost him by not agreeing to his proposition. The panic that swelled within me was palpable, and I instantly wanted to take my words back, grab them right from the air and shove them back in my mouth. In fact, I opened my mouth to take it all back when he finally moved, only to grab his tumbler and throw back the rest of his scotch. He winced as he swallowed but then his gaze found me yet again.
“Lena.” His voice was harsh and removed. Usually when he said my name, something inside me liquefied. This voice made everything tense up. “I want you to walk to the ladies room, remove your panties, keep them in the palm of your hand, and then come back out here to me.”
His words shocked me, but they also excited me. The memory of being panty-less in the storage closet at the gala flashed through my mind and I remembered how exhilarating it felt. I saw this man, someone who I couldn’t say I knew, really, but also did know. I knew how he worked, how he operated, and how, most of the time, he was transparent. He was always up front with me, always telling me exactly what he wanted and so, even though I couldn’t agree to some exclusive relationship where we lived together and pretended as if everything were normal and not the f*ck-up my life actually was, I could give him this.
Without a word, I scooted my chair back, stood slowly, and headed toward the back of the restaurant. I found the restroom with little difficulty and thanked the bathroom gods for a single room with a lock on the door. I didn’t want to have to worry about another woman seeing me peel my underwear down my legs from the stall next to me.
With the black lace bundled up between my fingers, I rested both hands against the sink and looked at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out if I recognized the woman staring back at me. It was the same face I’d always seen, but she had a glint in her eye that was new. A glow to her skin she’d never had before. She was excited about something; and far be it from me to deny myself the one person who could make me come alive again.
I took a deep breath and closed my fingers around my panties, trying to be sure no piece of errant lace peeked out and shouted to the entire restaurant what I was up to. I also pulled down on my dress, which now seemed quite a bit shorter than it had when I left Preston’s condo. The respectable just-above–the-knee hem now seemed like an expressway to my most private of areas.