The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2)(57)

“Amazing feats?” she parroted, still not buying into my spiel.

“Growing and birthing babies. It’s the most amazing thing anyone will ever do with their body, and only women can do it, Ruby. It’s a gift.”

“It doesn’t feel like a gift.”

“I know. Most of the time it doesn’t, but it is.” My throat tightened again, thinking about the torture of still getting a period, my monthly reminder that my body was broken.

“Do you have anything at home? Pads? Midol?”

“My school gave out these little boxes that have three pads in them,” she said.

“Well, that’s not going to do the trick at all. You’ve got nothing else at home?”

She raised her eyebrows at me. “No. I haven’t asked my dad to stock up on maxi pads just in case I started my period.”

I laughed and ran my thumb under her eye, trying to dry the last of the tears.

“Fair point.” She laughed with me. “Okay, new plan. We’re headed to Target. We can get everything we need there. Do you still want to try on swimsuits?”

She thought about the question, and her face scrunched up, giving me my answer.

“Of course not. I wouldn’t want to try on swimsuits while on my period either. Okay,” I said with new enthusiasm. “We’ll go to Target, get everything we need, then we’ll pick out a few swimsuits you think you’ll like, buy them, and then later tonight or tomorrow you can try them on at home. Keep whichever one you want and I’ll return the rest.” I ran my hands down the sides of her face, then rested them on her shoulders. “Sound like a plan?”

“Okay,” she said softly. “But…,” she started, then looked as though she was too embarrassed to continue.

“Hey, you can ask me anything, Ruby. Okay? Anything.”

She took a breath then said, “What should I do right now? You know, about the blood.”

“Right,” I said, thinking. I had exactly one tampon in my purse, not ideal for an eleven-year-old. “Is there a lot? Has it leaked through your underwear onto your jeans?”

“No. Not yet. There isn’t much.”

“Okay, good.” I walked to where the toilet paper was and pulled a bunch off, wrapping it around my hand until there was a thick pad. “I’m going to step outside and I want you to put this in your underwear. Do you know where it goes?” She nodded but didn’t say anything. “This will be fine for the drive to Target. As soon as we get there, we’ll buy everything we need and then get fixed up in the bathroom. Don’t worry. Every woman has faced this dilemma. You are not alone.” I handed her the toilet paper pad, then made my way out of the bathroom, giving her my best smile before I shut the door behind me. I heard the lock click into place and I leaned against the wall, letting out a deep breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.

After a few quiet minutes, Ruby finally emerged from the bathroom.

“Good to go?” I asked, putting a smile on, trying to communicate that everything was going to be all right.

“Yeah,” she said, although she didn’t look too convinced.

We walked out to the car and I could tell she was tense. I totally understood. Any woman would understand the dreaded walk through a public place when you weren’t properly equipped with suitable period protection. It was horrifying and embarrassing all at the same time—no matter your age.

We made it to the car and she slid in with a sigh of relief.

“Everything will be fine, Ruby. Promise.” She gave me a weak smile, but I could tell she didn’t believe me. At least, not yet. “I was eleven when I got my first period too.” I wasn’t sure why I’d offered that information, but I figured anything I could tell her at this point to make her feel like less of a leper would do her some good.

“Yeah, same as you. Although, I had already started sixth grade and was in school when it happened.”

Ruby gave me a horrified look.

“Unlike you, I hadn’t had any symptoms. No stomachache, no fatigue. And the worst part was, I had no idea I’d even started. The bell rang between classes and I left one class to go to the other and didn’t realize I had a big bloodstain on the back of my pants.”

“Oh, my goodness,” she said, obviously disturbed by my story.

“Right? And I walked all the way through the school before a teacher grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear that I needed to go see the school nurse.” I remembered the day so vividly and realized Ruby would probably remember today much the same way. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t horrible. “I had to wear a saggy pair of sweatpants the rest of the day with a giant pair of underwear the nurse had given me.”

We were both quiet for a moment, then Ruby said, “I guess it could have been worse. I could have been out somewhere with Dad and Jax.”

I tried to contain my laughter at the mental image popping into my brain. “Your father loves you very much, but you’re right—he probably would have freaked out.”

Ruby sank down farther into her seat. “Ugh, I can’t imagine having to tell him about this.”

“Listen, I don’t want to promote you keeping things from your father, because I’m sure he’d want to know about this, but it isn’t necessary for you to run home and tell him right away. I mean, I’ll get you enough stuff to keep you stocked for a while, but you can always come to me if you’re uncomfortable talking to your dad.”