The Perfect Stroke (Lucas Brothers #1)(19)

“Gray, I don’t think we should do this,” I tell him, forcing myself to pull away. Once his hands leave me, I feel strangely deprived. God, I’m a bigger mess than even I knew.

“What’s going on, Cooper?”

“It’s just… I don’t think I’m ready to just jump into bed with you.”

“It doesn’t have to be a bed. The floor, the wall—hell, the kitchen counter works for me.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

“I don’t see the problem. We’ve already slept together, did you forget?”

“No. That was different.”

“I don’t see how. Besides, you can’t deny that we’ve been talking all week, and I think it was pretty clear from our conversations where this was headed. So why the sudden hot and cold, Cooper?”

His words make me feel like I’m on trial, which sucks. He wants full honesty? Fine.

“It was different before because there was nothing but one night of sex.”

“Two,” he corrects me.

“Whatever. The point was it was a space out of time where I let go of my better judgment and just took something I wanted.”

“Me.”

“Yes, you.”

“So go ahead and take me now. I’m okay with being used, buttercup.”

“That’s just it. I know you now. I know way too much about you now.”

“Wait, let me get this straight. Before, you could f*ck me because you didn’t know me. Now, you can’t because we know each other?”

“It’s not that simple, Gray. I mean…”

“You realize you have this shit backwards, right? Most women insist on knowing a man before they spread their legs for him.”

Heat rises in my face and I want to slap him for trying to make me feel embarrassed over making the decision to have a one-night stand. Sanctimonious *.

“That’s the problem, Grayson Lucas. Entirely too many women have known you. I just don’t want to be one of the long list of numbers.”

His face goes hard and he looks at me so intently, I want to take a step back. “What the f*ck was this week about if you were never planning on sleeping with me? Because I got to tell you, I’m a little over the whole come-over-and-watch-movies-and-hold-hands phase in my life.”

“Were you ever in that phase?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“Answer the question, Cooper.”

“I do want you. I just… I guess I just need time. You have a long history, Gray. I don’t think I trust that I’m not just…”

“What if you are? How will you know? Or how will I, if we don’t see what’s between us? Jesus, Cooper, you overthink shit way too much.”

“You have a sex tape on the internet, Gray,” I remind him, my stomach curling in distaste.

“Again, it was before I met you, and I knew nothing about the making of it. My lawyers had it taken down.”

“It’s still there.”

“You know the drill, Cooper. Once it’s on the internet, it’s always there. If you show me the site, I’ll report it. It’s all I can do.”

“Gray…”

“CC,” he starts, using my nickname. Strangely enough, I already miss him calling me Cooper. “I like you. I’m pretty sure you like me, but I’m not going to fight your fears every time we get together just to…”

“I’m not afraid,” I lie, because I’m kind of terrified.

“Your doubts, then.”

“What is this, Gray?” I ask him, needing it defined. I want to know what he’s thinking, where he sees this going. I want to have no surprises.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t do great in relationships. I don’t know how to…” How do I explain to him that I don’t trust people? How do I tell him that I’ve never had a real relationship? He really would think I’m a freak if I told him exactly how much I feel out of my depth right now.

“Why do we have to label anything? One day at a time, Cooper,” he says, his face going soft as he walks towards me. “Let’s just see what happens.”

“What are you doing?” I ask him unnecessarily when he comes up to me and cups the side of my face, pulling my lips to his.

“Kissing you and then, with any luck, kissing you some more.”

“Until…”

“Until we’re not kissing and we’re doing so much more.”

“Aren’t you hungry? I have the food ready to fix, and…” I’m rattling on nervously, but he stops me with just a faint touch of our lips.

“I’m hungry, but not for food.”

“Gray…”

“Are you with me?”

I look into his eyes, finding them so deep and intense. Am I? Why am I so nervous? I’ve withstood bigger storms in my life than Gray Lucas, right? If this all blows up, then it will be my shame alone and I’ll just go on. If it doesn’t, then could what started off as a one-night stand become something… more?

“I’m with you,” I whisper, making my decision and throwing caution out the door. Banger would either kill me or be proud.