The Orphan's Tale(51)

There is a gasp as I plummet. “Mon dieu!” a high-pitched voice in the crowd cries. I hit the net and my head snaps forward and back. Pain shoots through me and white sparks erupt in my eyes as I slam against the floor once and then a second time, almost as hard. I lie still, too stunned and hurt to move.

I keep my eyes closed. Hands are on me, lifting me and carrying me from the net as they had Yeta the night she fell. But as we reach the ground, I shrug them off and struggle to rise on my own. Somehow despite the height and speed with which I fell, I am sore but not injured. Had it worked? I curtsy elegantly, and the applause grows. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the father carrying his daughter from the tent while the police are distracted.

“Clowns, then elephants,” I hear Herr Neuhoff instruct. He has a plan, Astrid had told me once, to curtail the show without ending it abruptly. I make my way from the tent, legs shaking so much I can barely find my footing.

Astrid approaches then, having slipped out the far side of the big top and come around. “Are you all right?” she asks, and I study her unfamiliar expression, somewhere short of anger. Concern. She is worried about me—even after everything that I have done.

Tears form in my eyes. She has been so furious with me, first for telling Herr Neuhoff and then for adding the move. “I’m sorry,” I say, my voice breaking. I want so much to make everything between us whole. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know,” she says. “It’s all right.”

“Really?” I look up.

She nods. “Really.” The forgiveness in her eyes is complete.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat, needing to say it again. I burst into tears and she draws me close, letting the wetness soak the fabric of her dress without complaint.

A moment later, I straighten, drying my eyes. “But Noa, you must be careful,” Astrid says once I’ve collected myself. Her voice is gentle but her eyes grave. “We have so much to lose now.” She is talking, I realize, about Luc and the danger he could bring.

Peter approaches us from the big top and I can tell from his expression that he is angry. “Fool!” he spits at me. “Now you’ve caused even more trouble for the circus. What were you thinking, inviting that boy?” I am surprised—I had expected him to berate me for what I had done on the trapeze, as Astrid had. But for everything that happened, he is still furious about the mayor’s son, maybe because Luc had the nerve to confront him about his act. He is worried, of course, about the danger to Astrid. I want to point out, as Luc had, that if Peter is so worried about her safety, maybe he shouldn’t do acts that mock the Germans.

I do not dare. “I didn’t,” I protest instead. “He came on his own. He wanted to see the show.”

“Of course he did,” Peter retorts, his tone mocking. “The mayor’s son comes and then the police? Pure coincidence. After everything we’ve done for you,” Peter continues, gathering steam. “Taking you in and training you. And this is how you repay the kindness? We should kick you out.” Panic grows in me. What if he persuades Herr Neuhoff to do just that?

Astrid raises a hand, as if to ward him off. “Enough.” Confusion clouds his eyes as she defends me. She puts her hand on his arm gently. “She did the right thing.” Astrid looks at me with newfound admiration. “You could have been killed, though,” she adds to me, the concern returning to her voice.

“I didn’t think... I had to do something. That poor man...” My voice is trembling, though whether from the fall or Peter’s wrath, I cannot tell.

“It won’t matter,” Peter says. “The police will go to the man’s house and find him.”

I hope that the man and his daughter might have had time to flee, just as I had with Theo. I want to believe against all hope that what I had done might have made a difference. But I know that they will probably not be as lucky.

“Now do you see why I had to tell Herr Neuhoff about the German?” I ask Astrid. “The arrest tonight—that could have been you.”

She shakes her head stubbornly. “I would have been fine.” She considers the circus a shield of armor that somehow makes her immune to the Germans. But it simply isn’t true. “You can’t save everyone, you know.”

“I’m not trying to save everyone,” I protest. “Just Theo.” And you, I add silently. But when I had seen the police about to take that girl, something had stirred me to act, the same as it had the night I had rescued Theo from the boxcar.

“Then you must think more carefully before you act,” Astrid admonishes. “Inviting the mayor’s son here was foolish.”

“I didn’t invite him,” I insist again. But I hadn’t told him not to come either. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause any harm.”

“I know,” she replies, “but our actions have consequences. Good intentions won’t save us from that.”

The music cues, signaling the final bow. As Astrid helps me to my feet, I feel a sharp pain across my back that I hope is nothing more than a bruise. Limping, I follow her back inside the big top and up the ladder to the perch. The gendarmes have gone. Worry mixes with my relief. Had they followed the girl and her father?

Luc has left his seat, too, I notice as I make my sweeping bows to the crowd below. I wonder if he will be waiting for me in the grove as he said. Or maybe after all that has happened, he will have given up. After everything that happened, perhaps it would be for the best.