The Mother's Promise(78)

“How are you feeling?” Sonja asked her.

“I feel good,” Alice replied, sipping her coffee. It tasted bitter so she reached for a packet of sugar. “Much better since taking a break from the chemo.”

Sonja’s expression was hard to read. “Well I’m glad you’re feeling good.”

The truth was, Alice didn’t feel all that great. She hadn’t had any more infections, but she was constantly tired. A lot of days, she could barely get herself out of bed. Today was the first time she’d felt remotely like leaving the house. But no one liked a downer.

“I’ll admit,” Alice said, “I can’t wait until it’s all over.”

Sonja looked surprised. “You … can’t?”

“I just want things to go back to normal. Except,” she said, when Sonja opened her mouth. “They won’t go back to normal. They’ll be better. I’m going to go outside more with my daughter. Go on vacation. Dance!” Alice ripped open the sugar sachet, spilling granules everywhere.

Sonja didn’t say anything for a long time. “Did Dr. Brookes tell you things would go back to normal?” she asked, eventually.

“Well, he told me to be optimistic.”

“Alice, while it’s wonderful to be optimistic, it’s also prudent to plan for all possibilities.” Alice started shaking her head but Sonja held up a hand, silencing her.

“Just … think of it this way. Most people take out roadside assistance when they buy a new car. They don’t expect anything to go wrong with it, of course, it’s a new car. But it’s insurance. It means they know they’ll be taken care of. Just in case.”

Alice didn’t like the direction the conversation was taking. She’d been focusing her energy on remaining positive—for Zoe. She didn’t see the point of “planning for other possibilities.”

Sonja’s hand was still in the air. Alice looked at her wrist. The bruise was yellow now, but still there. “What happened,” Alice asked, “to your wrist?”

She hoped it sounded like a change of topic rather than an accusation—even though the truth was, Alice was suspicious. And her suspicions were confirmed when Sonja immediately shrugged it back under her shirtsleeve. “Oh, nothing,” she said. Sonja looked for a moment like she was going to continue, but she just stopped as though she’d lost her train of thought. For the first time, Alice wondered what was going on behind her perfect, Botoxed exterior.

“Are you married?” Alice asked. Sonja wore a ring, but she never talked about her family—and Alice had never asked Sonja anything about herself.

“Yes,” Sonja said.

“Kids?”

She shook her head. “Unfortunately not. I married too late for that.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sonja shrugged, sipping her coffee. “George and I have a full life.”

“Lucky you.”

“Well, it’s not as though things are perfect. No marriage is.” Sonja put down her cup.

“I wouldn’t know,” Alice admitted.

“You’ve never been married?” Sonja asked. “Not to Zoe’s father?”

“Not to him or anyone else,” Alice said. “I’m not sure if that makes me lucky or unlucky.”

Sonja’s eyes were downcast as she absently swept the loose sugar granules into a pile. “At the beginning, you think it’s all going to be happiness, romance and charm. Then real life creeps in. You know, the ugly stuff.” Sonja’s mouth twisted on ugly stuff. She was speaking in a slightly detached way, as if she’d forgotten Alice was there.

“Ugly stuff … like your wrist?” Alice asked.

Sonja glanced up quickly. Consciously or unconsciously, she fiddled with her shirtsleeve again. “All sorts of ugly stuff,” she said eventually.

Suddenly Sonja seemed to remember herself. “But … life has its ups and downs, doesn’t it?” She pasted on a false, bright smile. “During the downs you just have to remind yourself that the next up is just around the corner.”

“I agree,” Alice said. “Although … while it’s good to be optimistic, isn’t it prudent to plan for all possibilities?”

They locked eyes. Alice cocked her head. For the first time, Alice felt like they were both actually seeing each other.

“That’s familiar advice,” Sonja said.

“It’s good advice,” Alice admitted. “And perhaps we should both take it?”

They both lifted their coffees in unison then, and after they put their cups down again conversation went in a different direction. But, despite herself, Alice had heard what Sonja was saying to her. Alice hoped Sonja had heard it too.





59

Zoe still walked to school these days. She was doing better with people, but she didn’t know if she’d ever be comfortable on a bus. However, unlike before, when she was filled with dread on the way to school, now she looked forward to it. Because Harry met her halfway.

She could see him now, up on the corner, his hands shoved in his pockets. The sight of him, as always, started a flap of panic in her chest. By the time she reached him her heart was thundering and her hands were shaking, but if he noticed, he didn’t seem bothered. He removed one of his hands from his pocket and put it around her, sneaking a kiss on her forehead. And then they walked to school, arm in arm—even as her cheeks flamed.