The Mother's Promise(67)

Zoe felt her eyes unexpectedly fill with tears. “I shouldn’t be applauded. I’m terrified all the time. I’m terrified of what people think of me. I’m terrified of my mom dying. Mostly I’m terrified of feeling like this for the rest of my life.”

“What if I told you that you don’t have to feel like this the rest of your life?” he said. “Zoe, have you heard of a treatment called exposure therapy?”

“Uh … is that … like electric shock therapy?”

“Not at all. Exposure therapy is when you actively challenge your fears, one at a time, until you are not afraid of them anymore.”

“Like the debate?”

“Well, yes, but we would start on a much smaller scale. The idea of exposure therapy is that you start by tackling something that is scary, but not so scary that you can’t be successful. Most important, you tackle each thing in a controlled way, with support.”

Zoe wasn’t sure she liked the sound of exposure therapy. “But … the debate—”

He held up a palm, silencing her. “When you did the debate, you didn’t have me on your team.” He smiled a little.

His arrogance was, in a weird way, reassuring. As was the prospect of having a “team.” Zoe felt fear and hope sparring inside her.

“I would say that the debate scenario might be something we could build up to, say, after a year of incremental exposure therapy,” he said, “but for now, we’ll do much smaller things. The good news is that we know you have guts. That will serve us well in exposure therapy.”

Zoe swallowed. “So … what would I have to do? In this exposure therapy?”

“It’s up to you. You clearly have a fear of speaking in public, maybe we can try something related to that, like asking a question in class? Or you could try to challenge another fear, like eating in public? Even one French fry. Would that be doable?”

Zoe stared at him. “But how would eating a fry help me?”

“It might not help you much,” he admitted. “But if the next week you ate two fries, and the week after you ate a chicken nugget and two fries, and the week after you ate two nuggets and two fries … you get the idea. In six months you might be able to eat an entire meal in public, and that would make a difference to your life, wouldn’t it?”

He raised his eyebrows and Zoe had no choice but to nod. She suddenly realized why this guy was so good. You had to improve under his guidance. Even your feelings were too scared to disagree with him.

“So,” he said. “Shall we make a deal? By the next time we meet, which I think should be in a week, you will have either eaten in public or asked a question in class. Can we agree to that?”

“Yes,” she said, “we can.”

They both stood.

“Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Sanders,” she said, reaching out to take his outstretched hand. She shook it, cringing at her clammy palms. His hands, she noticed, were dry and surprisingly cold.





49

At lunchtime, in the cafeteria, Zoe was looking for Harry. Instead, she found Emily.

“Hey,” Zoe said, approaching her table. Emily was sitting with Lucy Barker and Jessie Lee. “Saved you a seat,” she said.

Zoe hesitated. With one eye, she continued to look for Harry. She stood in a thoroughfare and she had to squish up against the table to let people past.

“If you’re looking for your boyfriend,” Emily said, knowingly, “he’s gone.”

“Harry’s gone?”

“Aha, so he is your boyfriend!” She snapped her fingers in delight. “Man, I’m so jealous.”

“Where is he?” Zoe asked.

“He was suspended,” Lucy Barker said, clearly delighted to impart this particular piece of information. “For hitting Cameron this morning.”

“Hitting Cameron?” Zoe exclaimed. “He pushed him.”

“Whatever it was, Harry’s been sent home.”

Zoe ignored a loud whisper of “That’s her!” as someone passed her. She was too busy thinking about Harry. She’d been looking forward to—and anxious as hell about—the possibility of sitting beside him in the cafeteria.

“Are you going to sit down or what?” Emily said. “We have so much to catch up on!”

Zoe remained standing. It was hard to describe how it felt to have someone in her corner. Harry had stood up for her. He’d gotten into trouble for it. She thought of what Dr. Sanders said. And she had a feeling she’d just gotten another new member on her team.

“Can we catch up later?” she said to Emily. “I have somewhere else to be.”

*

Zoe was skipping school, something she’d never done. She felt a knot of anxiety at the idea of getting caught, but she tried to block it out. What’s the worst that could happen? she muttered to herself. Just don’t think about it.

“So you’re my bodyguard?” Zoe said when Harry answered his door.

Harry grinned. “Apparently I am. You’d better be impressed because my parents grounded me for two weeks.”

“I’m impressed,” she said, blushing.

He widened the door. “In that case, won’t you come in?” he said, in a fake-formal voice.