The Mad King (The Dark Kings #1)(47)

That life had never been. Though I wished it otherwise, I could never have forgotten a life that wonderful.

But I did not want him to die. He was the Hatter, after all, the object of my youthful infatuation and a man I’d come to care for deeply in the short time I’d gotten to know him.

“You must kiss me, Alice. True love’s kiss will set us both free.” There was a freneticism to him that scared me a little. He really did believe what he was saying. I could see that, and it made me sad.

What had happened to this man? Or had he always been this mad, and I’d simply never realized it before? Our only other interaction had been so very brief I’d not had a chance to study him. All I could vividly remember had been the beauty of his words and his dark, beguiling eyes.

And from that short meeting, I’d built an idea of a man who did not exist. Not really. Not the way I’d imagined him to be at all. He’d been fantasy. A fairy tale. A white knight. Not a broken man who could not tell fact from fiction.

But then I recalled his beautiful miniature people. The lovely woman built of moss and magic; she’d seemed so in love with her man of ice. So happy. Their life had been a good one. And I envied her, even now. I wanted so badly for that life to truly be real, be mine. Ours.

But it wasn’t. It never had been.

“Hatter?” I said his name slowly.

A pained expression crossed his face, and I think he knew, think he heard my truth. I did not know him, not really. And though a part of me ached because of it, I couldn’t pretend either.

His hold on me grew lax, and suddenly the weight of the world seemed to rest upon his shoulders. He visibly seemed to shrink in front of me. Not literally, but figuratively.

He was a man come to the end of all hope.

“I will kiss you, Hatter, and I will save you,” I said, not at all sure I really could, but I couldn’t bear to see him looking like this. “But first I want to ask my last question.”

He blinked, but there was no more hope left in his eyes. They were bleak and shadowed with pain. “Ask me anything.”

“Where were you when I was dying and called out to you? Did you even hear me at all?”

He sucked in a quick breath, shaking his head no, and though he said nothing, what he did say was enough to make me feel a sharp blade of pain pierce my chest.

I grabbed hold of my shirt, clutching so tight I pinched skin between my fingers. But the pain was grounding; it helped clear my mind just enough so that I could focus.

“You were with another, weren’t you? You never heard my cries.”

The answer was so obvious, and though I didn’t know him, that same dark pull deep within me that always came alive whenever I was with him shriveled up and died. I’d had no claim to him in this life, and yet I felt betrayed.

My lips wobbled, and I sniffed back the anguish. Outwardly, I was calm, but inside I was cold, dead.

Plastering on a brave smile, I wiped at my nose with the back of my hand and gave him a lopsided grin. “Now, about that kiss. Let’s save you.”

I was leaning in, but this time it was he who pulled back.

Shaking his head slowly, he said, “No. Not this way. I would rather die a thousand deaths than live another day knowing you did not love me as I love you. Yes, Alice, I was with another. And it pains me to admit that, because I did not know you. And I did not hear you until the very end. Let us always meet each other with a smile...”

I pulled in a halting, stuttering breath, fingers shaking as they covered my suddenly numb lips.

“...for a smile is the beginning of love.” The smile he gave me now was small and soft.

He had heard me. And while I was grateful he’d told me the truth, a part of me wished that had been one truth he’d kept to himself. I wasn’t sure I could hear another word right now. A fat tear dripped off my chin to the ground beneath. I needed to run and hide, needed to lick my wounds in private. And hope that maybe, someday, I could get over him. Move on with my life, or my afterlife as it were.

But I’d be damned if I let him die.

“Hatter, you say a kiss can save you. Then let me do that for you. I don’t know that we could ever be what you claim we once were. All I do know is that I’d be a terrible person if I let you die now.”

“Alice.” He gripped my hands tight in his. “What do you love most in this world?”

The questions. That stupid bloody game. Here I sat with my heart torn to bloody ribbons, not sure of anything other than the fact that the man I’d loved with all my heart and soul had heard me and not come.

I had no right to the jealousy I felt, but I was only human, and it was going to take me time to get over this horrible feeling of betrayal.

Answering with all the honesty in my heart, I said, “I don’t know anymore.”

“Alice, can you ever forgive me? Please tell me that you and I can move past this? Please tell me that. You promised me you’d fight, so fight. Fight, Alice!”

The passionate plea caused me to tremble, but I could no more remember those words than I could remember anything else he swore to me was real. What had happened to this man to make him lose himself this way? I cried for him. For us. For what we might have been.

“The problem is, Hatter, I cannot remember any life with you. You didn’t come to me, and you were with another woman. And I know I shouldn’t take that personally, because we have never been anything to each other—”