The Mad King (The Dark Kings #1)(41)

“I can imagine,” he said, looking at me with a polite smile, and I fidgeted on my seat.

“Is that weird? How much I like food? My mother always thought I was weird. She wanted me to be a—”

“Doctor?” he said, and I frowned.

“How’d you know that?”

Clearing his throat, he took a quick sip of his tea and shook his head. “Most parents do. I just guessed.”

“Hm.” I gave him a dubious look, because yes, he was right. But... “I guess you’re right. And yes, they wanted me to be a doctor. My sister is a renowned cardiologist, most of my family is white-collar, and there was me. Silly little Alice Hu. Head in the clouds and heart—”

He grabbed my hand, bearing down. And the words died on my tongue as his heat and mine converged and became one for just a moment. I liked his hands. Not too soft or rough. As Goldilocks would say, they were “just right.”

“What?” he asked.

And I shook, realizing I’d said that aloud. “What?” I yanked my hand out of his and scratched the back of my neck. “I didn’t say anything.”

The heat of blood blazed through my cheeks, branding me a liar, but he was nice enough to pretend not to notice.

“Alice, I was only going to say that you followed your heart. You should stop being so hard on yourself.”

“Huh?” I hadn’t expected him to say that. “I-I wasn’t.” I lied. Because my bakery business had always been a point of contention between my family and me. Didn’t matter how successful I’d become, there’d always been a bit of shame in my mother’s words whenever she’d be forced to introduce me to one of her friends.

“Yes, well, as someone who fully understands what it feels like to let down someone they love greatly, take it from me—don’t dwell on what you can’t change. The past has a terrible way of poisoning the future if you let it.”

I’d just been reaching for a scone when he said that. Pausing briefly, I studied him. “What did you do, Hatter? What brought you here?”

I doubted he would answer, but suddenly I was desperate to know.

I waited on him, not saying anything after that. I had just finished slicing through my scone and slathering it with lemon curd when he inhaled deeply.

“Is that your question for the day, Alice?”

For a second I’d forgotten about our game. But I was just desperate enough to know the answer, so I figured why the heck not. “Sure, it’s my question.”

I took a bite of the scone. Orange cranberry and very buttery, but the curd was a little on the sugary side. I wrinkled my nose but ate it anyway.

“Her,” he said softly.

So softly that I almost hadn’t heard. But when I did, I froze with that next bite of scone halfway to my mouth and a crumb dangling off the tip of my thumb. Ice suddenly flowed through my veins.

“She’s... she’s here?” I didn’t recognize the breathy, gravelly voice as belonging to me.

He nodded once. “Yes, I think now maybe she might really be.”

Feeling like my stomach was now full of sawdust, I gently eased my half-eaten scone back onto the plate and said, “I should go.”

He didn’t say anything for so long that I forced myself up to shaky feet. She was here. The moss woman, his life. She was here. And it was so stupid that it should hurt me, because I knew he’d come for her.

It was why we’d built the connection from the start, because something about me had reminded him of her. And it sucked that I suddenly and deeply wished that for just a second I was the type of girl who could inspire someone’s devotion as deeply as his was for her. But that wasn’t fair to either of them. And so I forced myself to smile through the aching heartache building up inside me.

“I haven’t asked you my question, Alice,” he said just as I was set to turn around.

I paused. “Then ask, Hatter.”

“What do you love most in all the world?” His question was instant, and I frowned.

“You asked me that yesterday.”

“Yes, and it will be the only question I ever ask. Because we can love many things, can’t we?”

I shook my head. Hatter was strange in the most wonderful sense of the word, but being around him right now, it hurt. And I wasn’t even sure why. But I felt so close to tears, and I didn’t want to feel close to tears. It was why I’d sought out Lethe as I had. Because I was tired of hurting.

He would leave me now. He would go and find her and forget all about me. But I owed him an answer, and so I said the first thing that popped into my head. “Dance. I love to dance.”

Suddenly he stood, but I rocked back on my heels, holding up my hands, not sure why or if he planned anything, but knowing I could never let this man touch me again.

There was a part of me that knew if I did, I could never walk away from him again. And so I shook my head. “Don’t. Don’t come any closer.”

He stood still as a statue and nodded only once. “If that’s what you want.”

“It’s what I want.” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat.

His smile was sad, soft. “Good-bye, Alice girl.”

Stupid, stupid tears suddenly did fall from my eyes. I don’t know why. And I hated myself for them. Angrily, I swiped at them with my wrist and gave a hard nod.