The Lucky One(65)
He looked at her with an emotion she couldn’t name.
“On our last day, we went fishing early in the morning. It was just the two of us in this little rowboat, and when we rowed out, the lake was as still as glass, like we were the first people ever to disturb the water. I remember watching a hawk fly over the lake while its mirror image glided directly beneath it, thinking I’d never seen anything more beautiful.” He shook his head at the memory. “We planned on finishing up before the lake got too crowded; then we were going to head into town later and have some beers and steaks. A little celebration to end our trip. But time just sort of got away from us and we ended up staying on the lake too long.”
He started to knead his forehead, trying to keep his composure. “I’d seen the boat earlier. I don’t know why I noticed that one among all the others. Maybe my time in Iraq had something to do with it, but I remembered thinking to myself to keep an eye out for them. It was strange, though. It wasn’t as if they were doing anything different than any of the other boaters out there. Just some teenagers having fun: waterskiing, tubing. There were six of them on the boat—three boys and three girls—and you could tell they were out there for a last hurrah on the water while it was still warm enough to do so.”
When he continued, his voice was hoarse. “I heard it coming,” he said, “and I knew we were in trouble even before I saw it. There’s a particular sound that an engine makes when it turns in your direction at full speed. It’s like the noise begins to trail behind the engine by a millisecond that the brain can pick up only subconsciously, and I knew we were in trouble. I barely had time to turn my head before I saw the bow coming at us at thirty miles an hour.” He pressed his fingertips together. “By then, Victor had realized what was happening, and I can still remember his expression—it was this horrible mixture of fear and surprise—the exact same thing I’d seen on faces of my friends in Iraq right before they died.”
He exhaled slowly. “The boat sliced right through ours. It hit Victor head-on and killed him instantly. One minute we were talking about how happy he was that he’d married his wife, and in the next instant, my best friend—the best friend I’d ever had—was dead.”
Elizabeth put her hand on his knee and squeezed it. Her face had grown pale. “I’m so sorry. . . .”
He didn’t seem to hear her.
“It’s just not fair, you know? To live through three tours in Iraq, to survive some of the things we had . . . only to be killed on a fishing trip? It didn’t make sense. After that, I don’t know, I was pretty messed up. Not physically. But mentally, it’s like I went down a deep hole for a long time. I just gave up. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep more than a few hours a night, and there were times when I couldn’t stop crying. Victor had confessed to me that he was haunted by visions of dead soldiers, and after his death, I became haunted, too. All of a sudden, the war was front and center again. Every time I tried to go to sleep, I’d see Victor or scenes from the firefights we’d lived through and I’d start shaking all over. The only thing that kept me from going completely crazy was Zeus.”
He stopped to look at Elizabeth. Despite his memories, he was struck by the beauty of her face and the dark gold curtain of her hair.
Her face registered her compassion. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t either.” He shrugged. “I still don’t.”
“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
“Yeah,” he muttered. “But that’s not where the story ends.” He put his hand on hers, knowing he’d come too far with his story to stop.
“Victor liked to talk about destiny,” he finally said. “He was a big believer in all sorts of things like that, and on our last day together, he said that I would know my destiny when I found it. I couldn’t get that thought out of my mind even while I was struggling. I kept hearing him say it over and over, and little by little, I slowly came to the realization that while I wasn’t sure where to find it, I knew I wouldn’t find it in Colorado. Eventually, I packed my backpack and just started to walk. My mom thought I’d lost my mind. But with every step I took down the road, I began to feel like I was becoming whole again. Like the journey was what I needed to heal. And by the time I got to Hampton, I knew I didn’t need to walk any further. This was the place I was meant to go.”
“So you stayed.”
“Yeah.”
“And your destiny?”
He didn’t respond. He’d told her as much of the truth as he could, and he didn’t want to lie to her. He stared at her hand beneath his, and all at once, everything about this felt wrong. He knew he should end it before it went any further. Get up from the couch and walk her back to the car. Say good night and leave Hampton before the sun came up tomorrow. But he couldn’t say the words; he couldn’t make himself get up from the couch. Something else had taken hold of him, and he turned toward her with dawning amazement. He’d walked halfway across the country in search of a woman he knew only in a photograph and ended up slowly but surely falling in love with this real, vulnerable, beautiful woman who made him feel alive in a way he hadn’t been since the war. He didn’t fully understand it, but he’d never been more certain of anything in his life.