The Loose Ends List(74)

“This is out of control,” Jeb says. “This is a legitimate snow globe moment.”

“Shh,” we all shush Jeb.

We turn off the headlamps and Enzo and I paddle to the middle of the largest lagoon. We stop and rest the paddles on the kayak. The stars fan out in waves, brilliant against the night. It’s impossible to know where earth and space begin or end. It’s one fantastic stretch of dark and light and streaming, glowing blues and greens. I am awestruck that life can give us such breathtaking beauty.

We turn and face each other. I look at Enzo, then out at the expanse of color radiating around us. Enzo dips his hand into the lagoon and drags it through the glow, making patterns in the water.

I press my forehead against his and we sit, knee to knee, forehead to forehead, breathing the same slow breaths. Suddenly he looks up, as if he just remembered something important. He stares at me with serious eyes.

“I love you, Maddie.”

“I love you, too, Enzo.”





TWENTY-THREE


ON THE WAY back through the marsh, Jeb and Camilla had a big fight after he tried to stand up in the kayak and tipped it over. He screamed like a maniac in four feet of water, and Ty and Enzo had to fish him out. Jeb should spend the rest of his life in Brooklyn.

We got back to the cabin, and Enzo said it again. Once might have been an accident. Twice makes it real.

Only two other guys have ever told me they loved me. Neither of them counted. My junior-year boyfriend, Brett, said it once right after I agreed to give him a BJ. My mouth touched his thing for less than one second before I bolted to Remy’s bathroom to brush my lips raw with her toothbrush in an act of messed-up germ logic. Brett told everyone he got a BJ, and I let him have his moment of glory because I knew he was too dumb to go to college, the mythical land of bountiful BJs.

Ethan said he loved me every time he was drunk and suffocating me with his dry humps. I never bothered to say it back.

Janie helps me process my first real “I love you” over a breakfast of toast and frozen yogurt on our balcony. “A guy saying he loves you in the middle of a bioluminescent lagoon in Oceania, while sober, counts.”

“What if he just feels sorry for me because of Gram?”

“That’s stupid.”

“What if he thinks it’s love but it’s only lust?”

“That’s possible. But, really, how do you tell the difference?” Janie crumbles her toast and sprinkles it over her frozen yogurt. “Just go with it. I’ve never seen you so needy, Maddie. Maybe you’re better off with somebody you can boss around, like Ethan.”

“I didn’t boss Ethan around.”

“You made him go out of his way to pick you up for school so you could play on your phone.”

“He liked picking me up for school.”

“Just be normal. A perfect guy loves you. Deal with it.”

Our bees vibrate at the same time.

“Uh-oh. Now what?” I say. “It’s not even eight in the morning.”

Wishwell guests, please come to the lobby. Pronto. Don’t worry. It’s all good. (You don’t need to put on your face for this, Gloria.) Eddie

We wait in the lobby like sleepy hotel patrons during a fire drill. I almost panic a little when I don’t see Aunt Rose, but then remember she’s accounted for in the freezer. Heinz is the only one not in pajamas. Paige’s dad and Lane drag a trunk off the elevator. Her mom follows them with Francesca, who is holding Grace. I have no idea what’s going on.

“You had better give me a grandchild someday, Enzo. This is delightful.”

She holds Grace’s drooling mouth up to Enzo’s cheek.

Paige texts me: Come meet me by the elevators.

I quietly slip away from the crowd and find a smiling Paige standing in the very spot I last saw Skinny Dave.

“Oh, you look so cute in your jammies,” she says.

“What’s going on, Paige?” I study her face. There’s grief behind the unrelenting smile.

“Little sis, I’m staying here, on Wishwell Island.”

I feel a massive sense of relief. “Oh, thank God.”

My birthday wish came true.

“All along, this didn’t feel right. Like I jumped into it too quickly.” She looks down at her bee and texts Lane to wait a minute. “I was so angry, Maddie. When I had Grace, they told me I couldn’t hold her, that it was too dangerous, because of the seizures. I was so mad at the universe, I just wanted to be done.”

I nod.

“And then my parents were suffering; all the stress was killing them. And poor, wonderful Lane, I don’t know, I just wanted to make it easy for them.”

“I totally understand.” I can’t stop staring at her, soaking up every last Paige second.

“But even though all the doctors told me this is terminal, and I get what terminal means, I’m not ready to let go. I’m not ready yet. If there’s a shred of hope, I’m going to hold on to it. Astrid convinced me last night that this is where I belong right now.”

“I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.” I reach over and hug Paige for as long as I can before she pulls away.

“I have something for you.” She wipes the tears with her T-shirt and pulls something from her shorts pocket. It’s a tiny anchor pin.