The Lies Between Us (The Devil's Dust #4)(53)

“I was a job,” she whispers. “I WAS A FUCKING JOB!” she shouts. She turns her head, tears spilling from her eyes. I feel like a f*cking tool; nothing in my life has compared to the hurt that’s driving through my chest at this moment. I caused those tears on her face. I’m causing her hurt. Me.

“Try to relax, Cherry. It was for your own good, darlin’,” Bull tries to reason with her, but he obviously doesn’t know Cherry. She glares at him, her expression telling him to f*ck off. I’m surprised she isn’t throwing a chair at him—or me, for that matter.

“So, he knew about Piper this whole time?”

“No, we didn’t tell him about Piper. In fact, we told him nothing. He was a prospect at the time. I had Shadow track you, and I told Lip where to find you,” Bull responds.

She shakes her head; her eyes clenched shut. “Why didn’t you just tell me all of this, why make –” She chokes on her words.

“I had my selfish reasons, Cherry,” Bull rasps. “This lifestyle isn’t all rainbows and unicorns, if you haven’t noticed. Everyone has been tested in one way or another in earning a place here.”

“Explain. I deserve to know why you couldn’t just tell me what was going on over the last six years!” she shouts.

Bull’s face hardens. “You were blackmail if that f*cker ever broke our agreement,” he spits, his tone not sugarcoating a f*cking thing. Cherry winces and closes her eyes again. “It was a win-win for everyone. You were alive and safe, and I had my insurance.” I glare at Bull’s insensitive tone.

“Cherry, I—”

“Don’t,” Cherry interrupts me. She rolls her lips on top of each other and exhales a long, tired breath. I look at Bull, his eyes giving an apologetic look.

“We aren’t even real, Lip. What I feel for you is not even real, is it?” She wipes her eyes and sighs loudly. “We are so done,” she cries.

Hearing her say those words, my heart jumpstarts with panic and my eyes sting. I grit my teeth, angry my emotions are getting the best of me.

“I thought fate sent you to protect me, to care for me, but it was all a lie. The only thing that sent you was the f*cking Devil himself.” She points at Bull, and he sighs heavily.

“Cherry, just stop and listen to me,” I demand, my tone harsh.

“We’ll give you kids a minute,” Bull states, he and Shadow pushing away from the table.

As soon as they leave, I pull a chair up next to her and reach for her hand. She pulls away from me and levels me with a look that has my balls shrinking into themselves.

“Cherry,” I coax. She holds a hand up and closes her eyes, turning her head away from me.

I look down at my boots and fumble with my hands. “I’m sorry, babe,” I mutter. I feel like shit. I never wanted to hurt her; I was just following orders. This club is my family, my life. I did what I had to, even if I didn’t like it.

“Don’t call me that,” she snaps through gritted teeth. I slowly lift my head to find her tear-filled eyes solely on me. I’ve seen Cherry cry maybe twice the whole time we’ve been together. To see her beautiful eyes fill with sorrow, it hurts.

“I was a job. A f*cking job to you. I fell in love with you, Lip.” She tilts her head to the side, a tear falling from her beautiful eye. “The way you cared for me, showed me affection, did you mean any of it? Or was that part of the job, too? Was any of it real, or did Bull tell you to be that way?”

I draw in a tight breath and run my hand over my head. It’s complicated. I tried not to love Cherry, and I’m still not sure if I am in love with her 100%. Over the years, seeing only her visit me in jail, her face lighting up when she saw me come home, falling into pure ecstasy when I f*cked her—she grew on me. But when I told Cherry I loved her, it was because Bull had told me to, and not because I loved her. I know I care about Cherry on some level but I can’t identify my feelings for her. Are they because Bull told me to portray them, or are they real? I’m f*cking confused.

“Yes, he told me to care for you, to be a gentleman.”

A whimper escapes her lips. She lifts her hand, resting her fingers against her mouth, as if trying to keep from showing me she’s so affected.

“That explains everything. The way you were before, and the way you are now. Your lies were catching up to you. Your mask of lies were SLIPPING!” She swipes a glass off the table, causing it to smash against the wall. “Six years. It was all a lie… for six f*cking years. That day Bull showed up with my patch, that was him, wasn’t it?” she mumbles. I look down and nod.

“You f*cking prick!” She shoves me hard, and anger flares in my chest. “You were the Devil in a mask of a saint.” I furrow my brows. Is she throwing Bible verses at me?

“You weren’t exactly truthful with me either, Cherry,” I sneer, sitting back in my seat and resting my hands behind my neck. Her head whips in my direction, her cheeks flushing with anger.

“I wasn’t exactly in the position to tell you I had a little girl,” she snaps.

I scoff. “Right. Six years wasn’t enough time, huh?”

“Fuck you!” She stands from her chair, tears streaming down her face. “I gave more than my heart to you, Lip. I gave my f*cking soul.” She clutches her chest, and my worthless heart feels as if she just grabbed mine and squeezed. “I may not have been on the right path when we met, but at least I had my soul. I loved you and I loved this club; I thought you all were my family. I’ll do anything for family. When an ol’ lady wanted vengeance, I was there drawing blood by her side. This club and you blackened my spirit and for what?” She throws her hands out, hostile. “For it all to be for nothing!” she screams, her face turning near purple. “I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”