The Letters (Carnage #4)(16)

I don’t care if she reads them and they make her cry … much.

I just wish she’d hurry up and get it over with.

I just care about how upset it’s making her. My telling her not to feel guilty is pointless. Nothing I say will change how she feels, so the sooner she gets them read, the sooner we can move on with our lives.

In the meantime, I just wanna have a little read through them, so if there is anything in them that’s too upsetting for her, at least I’m prepared. That’s what I tell myself anyway as I head out of my office and into my wife’s, grabbing another beer from the fridge on my way.

I sit at her desk with just a lamp on for light. It looks like two bits of rusty metal with a bare light bulb hanging from it, “industrial” Georgia calls it, scrap metal is more like it.

The first stack of letters I come to are in envelopes but have no stamps or address written across the front. They just say “Gia” in what I now know to be Sean McCarthy’s handwriting.

I open the first one, lean back in the leather chair, and take a swig of my beer.

-

Gia,

I’m watching you sleep as I write this. D’ya think that’s creepy? I don’t care if you do. I’ve been away from you for two whole weeks while I worked. I wanted you with me, but I understand your reasons for not wanting to go back to the States. Everyone there remembered us announcing the pregnancy on New Year’s Eve, and everyone was offering me their condolences and sending you their love and best wishes. It was painful, and it was hard to hear on my own. I wanted you with me, but at the same time, I was glad you stayed home and didn’t have to listen to it all.

We’ll never forget Baby M. We’ll always make sure he’s a part of our lives. I know we don’t know for sure, but I’m pretty positive he’s a boy.

I can’t begin to tell you how f*ckin happy I am right now, you coming to the airport to surprise me and the fact you waited for me to get home before you took the pregnancy test.

Pregnancy.

Pregnant.

We’re pregnant, G. We’re gonna have a f*ckin’ baby.

My cheeks ache because I’ve smiled so much over the past few hours. Things will be good this time. I just know it.

We’ll see the doctor Monday and make sure you get the best of care.

You can moan all you want at me, woman, but I will be waiting on you hand and foot. Hand and f*cking foot. No lifting, stretching, and definitely no horse riding.

A baby, G. I’m so f*cking happy (did I say that already?) and so proud of you. I’m so glad this year has turned around for us. It started off so f*cked. I was so scared, G. So f*cking scared I was losing you. So many thoughts were going through my head, you’ve no clue, babe. No f*ckin clue about the dark place I was in. I was thinking all sorts. Convinced you were leaving me.

And now, here we are, out the other side, still going strong. Sean and Georgia. Georgia and Sean. The way it’s meant to be, except now it’s gonna be Sean and Georgia and baby Beau.

I know you’re gonna shake your head when you read this, but mark my words, gorgeous wife of mine, that’s another boy I’ve put in your belly, and we will be calling him Beau. No girls for us until she has at least two or three big brothers to look after her.

I love you. Please don’t forget that. You’re not just my wife and lover, you’re my best friend as well, so just remember that and please don’t shut me out.

I know you’re gonna be nervous after what happened last time, believe me, I know. I’m f*cking shitting myself, but I want you to talk to me, please? If you’re worried about anything, share it with me. He’s my baby too, remember? Which means I now have the both of you to worry about. That’s my job, though. It’s my role in all of this. You keep our little man tucked up safe and warm in your belly till he’s big enough to meet us, and I’ll do all the worrying for the both of us. Deal?

Right, my eyes are getting heavy. This is my fourth time zone in three days. I love ya, G. I think I’m the happiest bloke on the planet right now, but I need to sleep. Night, G. Night, Beau. Love ya both xxx

P.S. Just in case I’m wrong and you’re a Lilly not a Beau, don’t worry, I’m your daddy and it’ll be my job to protect you till we get you some brothers x



My head pounds as I finish my second beer. No wonder she loved him so much. Fuck, if I were a woman, even I’d— Nah, let’s not go there.

I could never compete with that. I love Georgia and my kids just as much as he loved her and their kids. I would just never be able to put it into words as eloquently as he does … did.

I don’t have an artistic bone in my body. A doodle of a cock and balls is a about my limit, I might add pubes and spunk squirting out the end if I’m feeling particularly arts and craftsy, but that’s where my artistic flair ends.

Georgia, on the other hand, has her own fashion line that’s sold exclusively through Posh Frocks, and she’s been hands on with every design. She refuses just to put her name and face to it and now draws and sketches her own ideas and is on board throughout the entire production, even modelling some of them for magazines herself.

She can sing and play guitar and she has designed a couple of custom-made pieces of furniture for our home when she couldn’t find what she wanted in the shops. Even this office, she knew exactly how she wanted it to look and feel and worked with the decorators to get it to how she wanted it. No wonder she left me and went back to him.