The Iron Butterfly (Iron Butterfly #1)(49)

Taking a deep breath I went on, “Joss, I won’t let myself be made a victim again, and right now this is exactly what I need. I need a chance to be able to fight back against the unknown and defend myself. How will I ever be able to go out into the world again and feel safe and secure? The only one I can rely on for protection is myself. I need to do this.” And right then, hearing the words from my own mouth, I realized I did need this. Looking Joss straight in the eye, I jutted my chin out defensively.

“It doesn’t have to be,” he said quietly, looking up at me with his intense blue eyes. “I would protect you if you would let me.” His jaw clenched and unclenched in hidden emotion. “It seems like whenever I’m around, you withdraw from me and try to build a wall between us.”

He was right; I had tried to accomplish this without his knowledge and without hurting him, but I had failed. Without speaking he pulled the reins and led Faraway over to the fence and looped them around the post.

Joss reached up and placed his hands on my waist and I let him help me down from Faraway, his hands burning with heat through my shirt. He let them linger lightly on my waist and I moved away uncomfortably.

Now that I was off of my perch on my horse and looking up to Joss, my head barely reaching his shoulders, I felt more vulnerable. Wishing that I still had the advantage of height, I tried to make myself appear taller by standing up as straight as I could and putting my hands on my hips.

“I’m sorry, Joss. But you must understand I’m still missing a lot of my memories, so in reality I don’t know who I fully am. So how can I let someone else get to know me, if I don’t even know myself?”

“I don’t care about who you were in the past; I care about who you are right now, in the present.” His voice was rising in frustration. “I don’t even think you’re giving our friendship a chance. And that’s all I’m asking for, is friendship. If anything else develops, so be it.”

Joss turned his back to me and leaned both arms on the top rung of the fence. He stared out over the mountains in the distance. “But you have to admit, it’s a fair question, and I have been really patient.”

I looked at the top of my scuffed boot in resignation, kicking at a stubborn pebble that refused to come loose from its home in the ground.

“Joss, I can’t make any promises to the future, especially if I don’t know if they are ones I can keep, but I can promise you friendship.” I looked at him warily as he turned his blonde head to me with his crooked grin.

“That’s all I ask for, a chance to be your friend.” Standing up he reached for me and pulled me into an embrace, his chin resting lightly on my head.

I selfishly let the comfort of his hug wash away all of my insecurities. Tears started to come to my eyes when I realized the last time I had been hugged was months ago, from Mara. Taking in one last deep breath of his earthy scent, I pulled away. I couldn’t help but notice his look of disappointment.

Turning away from him, I ran my fingers through Faraway’s mane. “So what was their decision?” I asked, almost dreading the thought of them changing their mind after I had gone through so much preparation.

“What?” Joss looked a little puzzled, as he was deep in his thoughts.

“The Adepts?”

Regaining his composure, his eyes darkened and he was visibly upset. Climbing the fence he swung his long legs over and jumped down. He made eye contact as he spat out the words.

“Don’t worry. You’re still the target.” And with that he left, his tall head walking proudly toward the training grounds.





Chapter 21





With only hours to spare before midnight, I ran around the training grounds gathering the supplies I thought I would need. I wasn’t about to go on with my daily routine when I felt as if there was a big target painted on my chest that yelled ‘HERE I AM’ to the world.

Earlier we were each given our specific instructions as to the rules of the game. When the bell tower rings out its twelfth toll at midnight, the training game will begin.

The game can only take place within the training grounds. Leaving the premises results in disqualification. If you are hit with a paint pack, you must report to the main hallif you are a student. There, you will be inspected to make sure it is a legal hit. Guards report back to the barracks.

Whoever can take out the most attackers will win a purse of gold. Anyone caught cheating and trying to wash off any dye will be punished. The Adepts would also be patrolling the grounds and halls to make sure that the game stays fair. Healer Prentiss would be ready in the Healer’s ward in case any students or soldiers get too carried away. It was made very clear that we were allowed to outfit ourselves with various paint-filled weapons, similar to what we’d been training with.

Upon my request the paint had been changed from blood red to blue for the SwordBrother, yellow for students, and soldiers were assigned a pale green. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the change, which was to make sure that the game stayed fair and the Denai wouldn’t mutiny against each other.

I had sent Avina to the market to pick up some special ordered items that I needed for tonight. I had spent almost all of the money that Adept Cirrus had given me, but it was worth it if I learned anything from this.

Handing me the sack of supplies, Avina asked me what I planned to do. I told her she would have to wait and see.