The Iron Butterfly (Iron Butterfly #1)(31)

“All of it,” I intoned sadly. “Though I don’t really understand what exactly happened.”

Healer Prentiss jumped in. “It’s my fault really. I should have given you medicine to numb the pain since you refused the students’ help. But I was in such a hurry.” Her hands fluttered nervously as if she batted an imaginary fly away. She took a deep breath as if steeling herself for what she was about to say. “It seems that when we went to set the bone, your mind and body went shock. You started convulsing.” She stopped speaking and shook her head, bewildered.

“Go on,” I prompted her.

“Joss held on and tried pulling the pain from you, but it wasn’t enough. Your mind was injured.” And with a disapproving glare at Joss, she continued. “He then, without permission or training, tried to heal the pain in your mind.”

Joss nodded. “I know, it was stupid of me, but I could see that you were in terrible pain and I did the only thing I could think of. I tried to pull the memories from you, only to be overtaken by them.”

I looked at Joss in astonishment, speechless. “I thought I saw you there, in the room with me?”

“I was there, Thalia, I saw it all. I saw that machine they used on you, the one that looked like a giant iron butterfly.” He looked grim as he asked, “Was that what it was like for you? Did they put you in it often?”

Feeling ashamed that he witnessed some of my worst memories, all I could do was nod my head. “I’m so sorry Joss. You shouldn’t have had to see that.” I covered my face with my hands in humiliation. “It was some of the most degrading moments of my life.” I could feel my cheeks burn. “There were times I wished for death.”

Joss reached to touch me and I flinched at his touch.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized quickly. “It’s a habit.”

“No, Thalia, I’m sorry. I should not have touched you. I should know how sensitive you are to being touched after witnessing what you went through. After Darren and I found you, I often stayed awake at night and wondered what happened to you. And now that I know,” he paused, as if he couldn’t go on.

“It’s all right,” I tried to console him, because I know how he felt.

“No, it’s not,” he was becoming frustrated with himself. “It’s almost as if…” He grabbed his head with his hands and looked at me with his intense, blue eyes and I saw my own pain mirrored back at me. “I wish now I didn’t know. I wish I could take it all back. That’s all I can see now when I look at you. It’s torture for me to see you in that much pain, to see what you went through. I can feel how much you distrust me and are scared of us. ”

I felt like I was punched in the gut. It was a wish that I had made a hundred times over. And here I was hoping that Joss would be able to understand me a little better, but as soon as he spoke those words, I felt as if a giant crevice in the ground opened up and split us apart. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t care, not really.

I turned my head as if by blocking the sight of Joss I could block the pain and maybe erase what he said. The pain was overwhelming, I was being swallowed up and the one person who may have taken it away, who could have helped me through it, now denies the pain and memories.

“Because now there’s the other problem.”

His words forced me to turn my head back to him, but he looked away from me not willing to make eye contact.

“What?” I asked Joss when he didn’t respond. I looked to Healer Prentiss and her eyes dropped to the floor. “Please!” I begged. “Please tell me what has happened. Is Joss in trouble because he read my mind? Tell me what’s going on.”

“Thalia,” he spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child. “I didn’t read your mind or memories; it’s not one of my gifts.” He stopped and looked me dead in the eye. “Whatever happened, I didn’t do it. You did. I felt myself go weak and watched helplessly while you ripped away my defenses and in a surge of power I’ve never felt before, took over me. I was there because you dragged me there.





Chapter 9





“We have a serious problem here.” Adept Lorna stated firmly.

We were once again in the Adept’s meeting room, only this time all of the Adepts were in attendance as well as three guards who escorted me from the infirmary. Even now they were standing guard out in the hall, in case I tried to escape.

And in that moment, that’s exactly what I felt like doing. You could feel the tension in the air and I was finding it hard to breathe. I was given a wooden chair to sit on and even though the healers mended and set the bones in my leg, I was still weak. The chair was also much needed support because Joss’s words were still echoing in my mind. I didn’t believe him at first, and well, I still didn’t believe him.

Nervously I scratched my healed leg, still feeling the itchy warmth of newly re-knitted muscles. I watched Lorna stand and address the Adepts.

She gave the Adepts Healer Prentiss and Joss’ report of what happened the previous night. I watched as Breah’s face paled and then become wary. Her cute pixie face would bob in my direction, and then look away as if she was afraid to make eye contact.

Pax Baton was frowning so hard, you could almost imagine a stormy cloud gathering above his head. Kambel was by far the most excited at the news and you could see him twitch with excitement, jumping across the table for a spare scrap of parchment, pulling from a hidden pocket in his robe a spare quill and ink set. He immediately started to document this whole affair; after all, this was history in the making. Cirrus and Lorna were the most calm, with Cirrus being openly curious and thoughtful and Lorna being nothing but cautious.