The Girl I Was Before (Falling #3)(71)

That’s my penance. Cee Cee shows up because—as much as she’s Beth’s opposite, I think maybe she also always wanted to have a real sister. And maybe having a relationship with Leah is her way of remembering Beth. Or maybe, she just feels guilty for not knowing her enough.

“So someone has a birthday coming up,” Cee Cee says, putting on this high-pitched little kid voice. It’s annoying, and a little belittling. An annual visit, I remind myself—I can survive this hour.

“Her birthday’s not until July,” my mom corrects. She barely tolerates the visits. I don’t think my mom thinks the money is worth it. I don’t think it’s her choice though. And Leah isn’t old enough to be able to choose.

“I know that,” Cee Cee says, rolling her eyes, but letting them glow bright again when she kneels down in front of Leah. She winks at my daughter, then hands her a small gift bag. “I was just looking for an excuse to spoil you.”

Leah’s grin is the only reason I wave my mother off. Paige has disappeared into the kitchen, behind the counter. I wasn’t down here when Cee Cee came in, but Paige told me they made their acquaintance with one another. I hope Cee Cee wasn’t rude to her. Maybe that’s why Paige has gotten weird.

Weirder.

“An iPod!” Leah screams, clutching the electronic device in her hand and bouncing around in circles. It’s too much, a gift my daughter has no need for. I glance at my mom and her look reflects mine, but we don’t do anything about it. It’s not like we can take it away.

“And guess what?” Cee Cee asks, urging Leah to repeat.

“What?” she says, her gift pressed in her hands against her chest, her skirt swaying against her nervously excited legs.

“It plays videos!” Cee Cee says. More jumping. More swaying.

“Like movies?” Leah asks.

“Uh huh!” Cee Cee says.

“Can I watch one? Daddy, can I watch one now? Can I, please?”

I look to my mom for help; she waves a tattered potholder at me, dismissing herself into the kitchen, behind Paige, busying herself with the pre-bought lasagna she put in the oven earlier. My mother didn’t put much effort into this visit, and she has no interest in helping wow Leah with Cee Cee’s non-birthday gift.

“Oh, princess. I’ll need to set it up, but maybe later, okay?” I say. I’m buying myself time. My dad used this same line with me for dozens of toys that he didn’t feel like assembling—and I hated having to wait every time he did. That’s where Leah’s at right now, her chin dented with the dimple from her frown. If only I could tell her what this gift feels like to me and her grandma…like a bribe. I just don’t want to give it any more attention than I have to.

“Maybe your new friend knows how to find one,” I hear Cee Cee say, her voice lower; low enough that I don’t think I was suppose to hear that part.

“Paige? Can you help me get a video on my iPod?” Leah asks, holding her device in her hand, moving closer to Paige.

Leah stops in front of her, her hands holding it up, and Paige takes the pink, metal device in her own hand, a strange smile playing out on her face. It doesn’t look happy, but just the opposite. Leah continues to ask, begging in her persistent way at Paige’s waist, but Paige remains silent, her eyes fixed on the iPod.

The discomfort of the silence breaks my mom first, who disrupts it with the clatter of a heavy pan on the counter and the announcement that dinner’s ready. I move into the kitchen to help, but I give a look to Cee Cee first, and I can’t help but note the way she seems to be obsessed with Paige, and the way Paige is refusing to look at her.

“Time for dinner. Go wash up,” I say to Leah.

“But what about my iPod?” she asks. I don’t like that she’s taken with it so quickly. Mostly, because I didn’t give it to her, and I don’t like that I feel that way either.

“Later,” I say, nodding her toward the sink. I’m shorter with her than I mean to be, and her frown comes back.

I hate Cee Cee.

We all gather around the table, and I notice Paige stalling, taking her seat last, laughing silently to herself and shaking her head when the seat at the end is the last one open, the one next to Cee Cee.

My mom wastes no time, scooping helpings of food onto everyone’s plate, wanting to get through this ransom dinner we’re beholden to. The last time we had Cee Cee for a visit, it was Leah’s actual birthday, and Cee Cee showed up drunk. My mom asked her to leave, but she said she had a right to see her niece—unless we’d like her to call her daddy and tell him we kicked her out. I’m surprised my mom agreed to this dinner when Cee Cee called. I wasn’t here for that call though, so maybe she didn’t.

For several minutes, the table is filled with only the sounds of Leah’s humming and forks scratching at the surfaces of our plates. Despite all the noise, I seem to be the only one actually eating—everyone else opting to push their food around in pretense. I shrug and lean forward, scooping another helping onto my plate. No sense in wasting what’s a pretty decent frozen lasagna.

“You seem so familiar,” Cee Cee says finally, holding her fork out, pointing at Paige.

Paige sets hers down carefully, taking time with her napkin against her lips, not that she’s eaten a single bite. She places it next to her plate then pushes back from the table slightly, giving her legs enough room to cross underneath. She turns her body to the right—her head cocked so the curls in her hair slide down her shoulder.