The Foxling Soldati (Soldati Hearts #2)(30)

Riley swallowed hard. He shook his head, his voice a near whisper when he spoke. “I want to hate him, but I just love him so much. He’s a good man. I know he is. I just… I don’t understand any of this. And I don’t want to try, because it’s wrong. I’m not just his prince. I’m his husband. Do I have any say in anything, or am I just something pretty that hangs off his arm for people to gawk at, because that’s what it feels like.”

“You are more than that, Riley. Go to him. Speak your heart. You are everything to him.”

Riley threw his arms around Rayner and hugged him tight. “You’re too good, Rayner.”

“He is my king and… my dearest friend.” There was nothing they hadn’t faced together, except this. It was why his heart ached beyond words, but he would fight as he always did, for Toka, and for his friendship with Khalon. Riley pulled back, and Rayner held out his arm. “Come. I’m going to speak with him. It would do him good to see you.”

Riley nodded. He hooked his arm with Rayner’s and accompanied him inside. They were silent on their walk to Khalon’s study, where Khalon had been sleeping, unwilling to sleep in his bedchamber if Riley wasn’t there. When they entered, Khalon was at his desk, and he stood quickly when he saw Riley.

The last two days had taken their toll on Khalon. There were dark circles under his reddened eyes. His black hair was a mess, where he’d clearly simply run his fingers through it rather than comb it. He hadn’t even dressed in full garb, simply his black trousers, boots, and black shirt, the long wide sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Rayner was taken aback by his friend’s appearance. He had never seen Khalon in such a state. How foolish Rayner had been, believing his dearest friend was unaffected by what had transpired. To make matters worse, neither Riley nor Rayner had been at his side to keep him from falling into despair.

Rayner gave Riley a gentle prod on his lower back, and remained where he stood as Riley fidgeted from one foot to the other. Khalon’s expression was hopeful as he came around his desk. His fear came through in his voice when he spoke.

“Riley….”

The word was a broken whisper, and it must have reached something deep inside Riley to tug at his heart, because one moment he was standing beside Rayner, the next he was throwing himself into Khalon’s outstretched arms. Khalon held Riley tight to him, one arm around his waist, and his hand to the back of Riley’s head as he buried his face against Riley’s hair.

“Forgive me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t know what I would do without you. It was not my intention to hurt you.”

Riley nodded. “I know.” He pulled back and cupped Khalon’s face to meet his gaze. “I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Khalon.”

“I love you too. You are the light in my soul, the other half of my heart.” He closed his eyes and let his head rest against Riley’s.

“I’m still upset,” Riley murmured, “but maybe we can talk about it? Maybe you can tell me how you feel and help me understand?”

Khalon nodded. “Yes, of course.” He took Riley’s hand in his, and brought it to his lips for a kiss before releasing him to take a seat behind his desk. He looked at Riley, who joined him in the seat beside him. The prince’s chair. “I know what I’ve done is unforgiveable. I haven’t slept since Toka was dragged away by Pavoni.” Tears filled Khalon’s eyes, and Rayner forced himself to remain silent as Khalon continued, his eyes now on Rayner. “When I close my eyes, I see his kind face, and I’m reminded of all the ways I have failed him.” He turned his attention back to Riley. “But how could I risk another war? I was there after the demons tore through the human world.” A tear rolled down Khalon’s cheek, and Riley reached out to tenderly wipe it away with his thumb.

“I watched millions die. Men, women, children. And there was nothing I could do. There was no one to save them. The thought of it happening again terrified me, and it made me sick to my stomach knowing you would be exposed to such destruction. Since Pavoni’s departure, I have been at war with my own heart, asking myself what I could have done to save Toka, to right the wrong I have allowed.” Khalon closed his eyes, clearly fighting to maintain a grip on his emotions.

Rayner stepped forward, his heart breaking all over again, for his loss and for the pain in his friend’s heart. “Khalon….”

Khalon sniffed, and wiped at his eyes. Rayner had never known Khalon to show such vulnerability in front of anyone. It only went to show how dire this all was.

“Yes, Rayner.”

“I’m here to ask a favor.”

“Name it,” Khalon said.

Rayner took a deep breath as the two men he admired most waited patiently for his request. “I ask that you strip me of my position and rank within the Soldati. That way the realm won’t be held accountable for my actions.”

Khalon and Riley stared at him in disbelief. Khalon was the first to speak. “And what actions might those be?” There was no anger in his voice, merely curiosity.

“I’m going to free Toka from that hellish beast and take him far from here. I will send word once we’re safe, but it may take some time. I’m not certain what we’ll do after that, but what I do know is that I will get Toka back.”

Khalon seemed to be considering his words. “You plan to give up everything for him.”