The First Taste(89)

“Things are fine.”

“I meant with Andrew. I’m not blind, Amelia. I know you’re sleeping with my brother.”

I pause, then slide my specs off completely and set them on the desk. “And? Are you upset?”

“Why would I be?”

“You know how I am about men. And he’s your family. I didn’t think you’d like it very much.”

“Admittedly, at first, I was a little shocked,” she says. “You two don’t really make a lot of sense. But then I decided I was too impressed to feel anything else about it.”

“Impressed?”

“I’ve been trying to get him interested in someone for years. That’s why I tried to force Mindy on him.”

“Right. Mindy.” I sit back in my chair. “You should’ve tried harder. She really would’ve been a good fit for him.”

She tilts her head at me. “You think?”

“She’s young, energetic, beautiful. She wants kids. Well, I’m not sure how she’d fare in Jersey, honestly, but—” I stop at the perplexed look on Sadie’s face. “Oh. I’m ending things with him.”

“I didn’t realize. Andrew’s not very forthcoming about these things.”

He wouldn’t be, if not because he’s fairly private, then because I asked him not to be. We’ve only known each other a short time, but it’s as if the harder I resisted him, the closer we became. Which might be fine for a normal couple, but we’re far from normal. We can only be dysfunctional together, since we don’t function all that well apart.

I’d forgotten that for twenty-four hours, but seeing Reggie at the flea market over the weekend brought it all barreling back to me. Andrew and I might be able to make this work, and if I were younger, it would be fun to try. But now I know better than to walk willingly into the lion’s den.

“I’m sorry,” Sadie says. She makes a move like she’s going to leave, and I’m surprised by my disappointment. I have no one to talk to about this, and it’s been bothering me for days.

“It’s just too complicated,” I say. “There’s avec and Bell and New Jersey and the city, and, well, maybe he thinks those are things we can work through, but how could we? He’s never going to move here, and he shouldn’t have to when he’s got Bell to think of.”

Sadie slides to the edge of her seat. “Are you telling me you and my brother have talked about these things?”

“Well, not at length—”

“And he thinks it could work?”

“I suppose. He came with me to look for a new apartment, and we talked about the future some. But that was before things were . . . over.”

Sadie’s mouth falls open. “I don’t believe it. Andrew never talks about anyone in the future tense. Not since . . . never mind.”

My cheeks redden. My urge is to downplay what I said—maybe I exaggerated. I didn’t, though. We really had an amazing weekend up until I spoiled it. “Since Shana?” I ask.

Sadie widens her eyes. “You know about Shana?”

“Yes,” I say. “A fair amount, actually.”

She blinks a few times, looking around my office as she seems to collect her thoughts. I can’t seem to read her shock. Is she upset? Happy? “So why’s it over?” she asks.

“I don’t have to tell you how screwed up I am after Reggie. You already know. Andrew and I ran into him while we were together, and it reminded me of everything I’d been through this year. Andrew got the brunt of it. Just for being there.”

“But he didn’t leave,” she states.

“No, but is that the kind of woman you want with your brother? One who’s too emotionally scarred to operate with any normalcy?”

Understandably, she stays quiet.

I sigh. “I care about him, but maybe I was too rash thinking I could get involved with someone so different from me. He has tattoos and a motorcycle and his garage. And I—I’m probably too stuffy for him. We just don’t click, you know?”

“But do you click?” she asks, arching an eyebrow. “Like when you’re together?”

My face heats. There’s only one possible answer to that question. “Yes.”

“That’s not enough, though,” she says.

I can’t tell if it’s a question or a statement. I hesitate. “Bell.” Just her name says it all. “Out of everything, she’s the most important thing to consider. I mean, what if we try this, and down the line, it’s time to move in together, but I won’t go to Jersey and he won’t come here. Then what? We’ve put her through all that for nothing. Just to have another parental figure ripped out of her life.”

Sadie laces her hands in her lap, unusually quiet.

“You understand, don’t you?” I ask. “Would you have gone out with Nathan if he’d been your complete opposite in every way?”

“Probably not.”

“Thank you,” I say. “If you could just explain that to your brother. I’m not sure how he’ll take it. He seems to think we have a shot.”

“Okay,” she says. “I will.”

I realize then I was bracing myself for resistance, though I’m not sure why. All along I’ve suspected she wouldn’t want us together. But she hasn’t actually spent time around us while we weren’t hiding our relationship. She doesn’t realize how good we are even though we aren’t supposed to be. “You’ll convince him for me?” I ask.