The First Taste(83)

I run through the conversation as best I can. Maybe if I show her the idiotic tools of his manipulation, she’ll understand and calm down. Money—check. He said he had lots of it, and implied any sane woman would want a piece of it. Love—check. Virginia has his love, and it’s better than Amelia’s ever was. Sex—check. He diminished my relationship with her. I’m torn between two different instincts—one to protect Amelia from Reggie, the other to protect Bell by staying levelheaded.

“I hope he and I don’t cross paths again anytime soon,” I say, “not for his sake but for mine. I can’t afford to lose my temper.”

“I understand.” She nods slowly, dazed. “I’m sorry you even had to meet him.”

“What was he doing here? What does he want?”

“One minute he wants me, but then he brags about being happy with her.” She’s no longer looking at me, but off to the side, as if addressing someone who isn’t there. “I think you’re right—I doubt they’re back together, but in the moment, when he’s saying those things, I’m there again. I’m back in my bedroom watching them go at it for a full ten seconds before I start screaming.”

I watch her closely, my teeth clenched. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have killed another man in my bed. “He knows how to get to you.”

She nods. “Whatever will hurt the most, that’s what he says. And it does. It’s not like I want him back, but when he rubs it in like that . . .”

“I get it. You loved him.” I remember all the nights I’d lie in bed, cursing Shana. I never wanted to see her face again—and I missed the way she fit in my arms. The little snort she made when she laughed too hard. “That love doesn’t just go away overnight, unfortunately.”

She swallows, and we exchange more than a simple look. I study her, and she does the same to me. Here we are on the precipice of something new, and neither of us knows what’ll happen. I’m not even sure we know enough about our own feelings yet, much less each other’s. Does she still love him on some level? Do I still love Shana? Is there a chance in hell she’d go back to Reggie? The thought should wrack me with fear, send me running in the other direction. She could leave, just like Shana, and I’d be the blind fool who believed her when she said she was over her ex.

But when that realization is finished working its way through me, I’m still standing in the same spot. Somewhere along the way, she became worth it to me. The threat of pain that comes with keeping her in my life—it’s not enough to scare me away. In fact, it’s the threat of competition that stokes a fire in me. It makes me want to put up a fight.

And then, as if I’d spoken my thoughts aloud and she didn’t care for what she heard, she sniffs and turns away. “You should go. You’ll be late picking up Bell.”

I check my watch. “I still have a few minutes.”

She tucks some of her hair behind her ear and seems fascinated by something in the street. “Yes, but I should run too. It just hit me how much work I have to get done this weekend,” she says. “I should’ve done it last night, but—”

“But instead you came three times,” I say, hearing the roughness of my own voice.

She bites her lip harder than I think she means because she releases it right away. I’ve brought her back to what’s important. Us. For a moment, I think she’ll come to me. She doesn’t. “It was great,” she says stiffly. “I had a great time. I just need to . . . go.”

“Great?” I ask. “That’s all you’ve got?”

“Maybe,” she says. “So what if it is? I said it was great, I didn’t say okay or complete shit.”

I raise both eyebrows at her, noting the sudden flush of her face. “Okay, you’re mad, I get it,” I say. “I don’t get why, but—”

“I appreciate that you stuck up for me, but you’re not actually my boyfriend, Andrew. This part is ugly and hard and I’m telling you, as nicely as I can, although you’re pushing me, that I want to be alone.”

“Hold up. You just completely flipped on me.” She won’t look at me as she inches backward like a caged animal. “Why? Are you having second thoughts about getting back together with him?”

She widens her eyes, stopping in her tracks. “I would never, ever—he disgusts me.” Her face crumples. “Didn’t you hear anything I said last night?”

“Of course I heard. I heard every goddamn word,” I say, reeling. I’m raising my voice but I’ve been holding back too long, and I can’t seem to control it. “I’m disgusted. I’m outraged. But I don’t understand why you’re suddenly acting like I’m the bad guy. I just want to protect you from whatever black hole you’re standing at the edge of right now.”

“You’re being dramatic,” she says.

The accusation is so ridiculous, I laugh. “Babe, I don’t do drama. Neither do you, which is one of the many things I like about you. I see your mind spinning, though. You’re going down a path that’s not good for you. I’m just trying to bring you back.”

She presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. “I know. I know. I wasn’t expecting him to say all of that. I feel like I’m right back in the middle of it, so . . . so f*cking stupid and blind and—”