The First Days (As the World Dies #1)(86)

"Honestly, I understand. I wish…I wish I had had the strength to kill the thing that was Lydia so she wouldn't be out there right now. I wish it with all my heart. So be glad you gave that family at least that much," Katie responded in a soft, tortured voice.

Jenni lowered her head, nodding slightly. "I wish we had put Mikey and Benji to peace. Lloyd…f*ck him…but the kids…" She sighed wearily and shoveled more food into her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully, then waved her spoon around in the air, and said around her food, "It f*cking sucks when death is a gift."

Katie ran her fingertips over her forehead lightly, then leaned forward to look at Jenni straight on. "I'm not joking, Jenni. It's ripping me apart knowing that Lydia is out there. Lately, it’s almost unbearable."

Jenni frowned and reached out to grip Katie's hand tightly. "I'm sorry, Katie. I didn't realize. Of course it's eating you up."

Katie leaned her chin on one hand and just sighed. "Promise me, if I am ever bitten, that you will give me an out."

Jenni nodded vehemently. "I will. I promise. I will. And you will do the same for me."

Katie held Jenni's slim hand in hers and smiled at her sadly. "I promise.

Strange, isn't it? The vow to kill each other has suddenly become sacred."

"I'm telling you it's a f*cked up world!" Jenni shoveled more food into her mouth.

Katie let go of Jenni's hand slowly and nodded. Her gaze traveled to Travis, who was sitting across the room eating with Mike and Juan. "Yeah, It is. Can you excuse me?"

"Uh, sure. You okay?"

"No, not really, but I think that's normal," Katie answered with a small smile.

"Yeah, tell me about it."

Katie slid to her feet and carried her dish and glass over to the big plastic bins set up for the dirty dishes. It was looking pretty messy tonight and she was glad her kitchen detail had been the night before when it had been just sandwiches and salad.

Moving down the hallway, she sought out the room where all the library books had been set up. It had formerly been the record room, but now served its purpose as a small-condensed library. As she suspected, Jason was seated at the table, his food congealing beside him, Jack dozing at his feet, as he flipped through a book on chemical warfare.

She was relieved to see that he was alone except for the dog.

Sliding into the chair across from him, she rested her elbows on the table and regarded him thoughtfully. "Jason?"

"Yeah?" He didn't even look up.

"I have a favor to ask you," Katie said slowly.

"Yeah?" He looked up, obviously trying to shift gears in his head. "Huh?"

"Remember our talk a while back about my sexuality?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't tell anyone I'm bi did you?"

Jason kind of smiled. "No. I let them all think you and my Mom are doing it. Keeps the guys away from both of you."

"Oh?" Katie thought about this then laughed. "Okay."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "It works out better that way. I thought for awhile Juan was gonna try to hook it up with Mom, but he's all about Belinda."

"Yeah, he seems to be," Katie agreed. "But anyway, I don't want you to tell anyone I'm bi, okay?"

"Why?"

"Well, for the reason you stated. I don't really want to deal with guys hitting on me."

Jason blinked, thinking, then blinked again. "Um…okay…but is this…wait…" He frowned a little. "Why is this important all of the sudden now?"

Katie hesitated considering that Jason's motives for everyone thinking she was gay was as a cock block for his Mom. "A guy likes me. I don't want him to get his hopes up."

"Because you're not over Lydia?"

"That's one of the reasons."

"Is this about Travis?" Jason's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You're not clearing the way for my Mom are you?"

Katie winced and slightly nodded.

Jason frowned even more and sat back in his chair.

"Jason, your Mom likes him and he's such a great guy-"

"Then you go for it! You like guys!"

Katie shushed him and made a face. "I don't want to. I can't. Lydia…"

"Lydia is dead."

Katie felt her jaw set with anger, but she reminded herself sternly that she was dealing with a teenage boy. "Yes, she is. But, I am nowhere near being ready to be with anyone else: male or female."

Jason looked at her angrily. "So why is my Mom ready? Why is she ready, Katie? You tell me!"

Looking down, she sighed. "Because, by the time it all went to hell, your Mom was already wanting to move on. You know what your Dad did. She wanted to be free."

Jason furiously wiped a tear away. "I know. But why does she want to move on from my brothers? Why isn't it good enough to be my Mom?"

Startled by his outburst, she hesitated, then said, "She wants to be your Mom, Jason. You mean the world to her. But she has a right to find happiness beyond just that one role. The way you find happiness beyond being her son." Katie tapped the book with one hand, then pointed to Jack.

Jason frowned even more. "Yeah, but…"