The First Days (As the World Dies #1)(78)

Travis had called off any other sojourns out of the fort for another day.

He enlisted Mike to once more go over gun safety and procedure, with Curtis helping him out with demonstrations. They couldn't afford to lose anyone else.

As her body struggled to heal, she sat in on planning sessions for the new entrance and the taking of the hotel. Though she didn't understand all the logistics and the terminology, it became apparent that Juan and Travis were clever and resourceful. If she were well enough, she would be joining the team that was going in to clear out the hotel. Meanwhile, Jenni had volunteered to go into town to the library with Juan and had also volunteered to stand guard at night.

Katie suspected Jenni was interested in standing guard due to Travis taking the late shift. It was pretty clear to her that Jenni was interested in Travis. Whether the attraction went both ways, she wasn't sure.

Unable to sleep, Jack and Jason snoring loudly on the nearby cot, she slid off her bed and wandered up to the roof. The wind was cool and soft on her skin and she hugged herself to keep warm. Sitting down on a plastic chair someone had left up there, she looked up at the bright stars and sighed.

It was hard to feel peace when you now knew you could kill without remorse and on pure instinct. In her mind, she replayed the image of that man, torn and bleeding, and how he had not even realized her finger was pulling back the trigger. He had been so relieved that she had saved him.

Then she had truly saved him.

Rubbing her hands together, she leaned forward and sighed. Staring at the rooftop between her feet, she took a deep breath of cool, fresh air. With the zombie bodies gone, she felt liberated to take deep breaths. The air was fresh once more.

"We do what we have to do," Lydia's voice whispered.

She looked up to see Lydia sitting in the chair next to her. "Baby?"

Lydia smiled and reached out to run her fingers lightly down her cheek.

"I'm here, sweetie."

Katie fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around Lydia's waist, clinging to her. Her cheek pressed to Lydia's lap, she began to weep. "I'm dreaming."

"It's okay though, isn't it?" Lydia's long cool fingers stroked her hair gently.

"Yes, oh, yes. I was afraid I wouldn't dream of you anymore. Not after what I did."

Lydia carefully lifted Katie's chin to gaze down at her. "And what did you do?"

"I killed that man. I just killed him."

"But you killed Jason's friend and his friend's father at the camp."

"They wanted me to. They were infected!" Katie face was wet with tears.

Lydia lovingly traced the contours of her face with the tips of her fingers.

"And how was this different?"

"I just…did…it." Katie's voice caught and she shivered. "And I don't…feel bad."

Lydia nodded. "I know, baby. And you shouldn't. You shouldn't feel bad.

You saved him from my fate. You liberated him from hell. You did what you had to."

"I don't feel bad, Lydia, because I hate them. I want them all to die. I don't care what they are or once were. And when I knew he would be one of those things, he stopped being human to me and I killed him. And I don't f*cking feel bad!"

Lydia leaned down and gently kissed Katie's forehead. "I know, baby. I know. But there is more, isn't there?"

Katie drew back. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Katie, tell me."

"I can't!" Katie stood up and wiped at her face with trembling fingers.

Lydia slowly stood up and took Katie's face between her hands. With infinite tenderness and love, she kissed Katie's lips. Katie clung to her and kissed her back.

"I love you, Lydia. I should have…"

Lydia lightly kissed her again. "Tell me."

Katie shivered and whispered against Lydia's soft lips, "Oh, gawd…"

"Tell me."

"I should have killed you!"

Lydia nodded and drew back. Her figure began to alter before Katie's eyes. Lydia looked down at her chest as a huge hole opened slowly and her emptiness was revealed. Raising milky eyes, Lydia whispered, "You should have."

And then she rushed Katie screaming.

Katie awoke, tumbled off the plastic chair, and landed hard on the roof.

Travis was there in an instant, helping her up.

"Geezus, you're shaking," he said with concern.

Katie looked around, terrified. Her fingers gripped his shirt tightly as she swung her head around, looking desperately for the ghoul from her nightmare. But the rooftop was empty except for them.

"Travis," she sobbed.

"I'm here," he answered, his gaze concerned.

"Travis, I let her down," Katie choked out, then collapsed against him, weeping.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, feeling her trembling violently against him. Tenderly, he stood stroking her hair as the woman cried, not understanding her rambling words. But he knew her heart was broken and his broke for her.

At last, he helped her down the stairs back to her room. She walked slowly, weakly, and leaned heavily against him. When he entered, Jenni was just lying down. Seeing Katie, she immediately sprang up and took her from him.

"Katie, honey, what is it?"