The First Days (As the World Dies #1)(21)

"I just can't," Katie whispered.

Jenni stroked her face and her mouth pursed in thought. "Can't what?"

"Let her be dead in my heart, in my mind," she answered.

Katie refused to look at the image in her mind of Lydia shrieking and charging her, her chest torn open, and her heart gone. Instead, she made herself see Lydia, as she had been just thirty minutes before that, smiling, happy, kissing her softly goodbye, a cup of coffee clutched in one hand.

Jenni wrapped her arms around Katie and held her gently. Her black hair was soft and soothing on her cold skin and Katie leaned into her. They sat that way for a long time, until Katie's sobs subsided.

Awkwardness set in and Jenni sat back, her brow furrowed, looking anxious, and maybe even confused. Her T-shirt and shorts, which both read "Hunters do it better", were now damp.

Katie rubbed her face and felt flushed and tired. Nothing in this new world felt right. Nothing.

It was then Jenni tried to kiss her, very awkwardly and unsure of herself.

Katie caught her immediately and held her back. "Don't."

"I just want to make you feel-" Jenni mumbled, her face reddening.

"Don't. I'm not your husband. I don't need sex to comfort me. Or make me feel better." Katie held Jenni firmly back. She realized in that moment she had been waiting for this. Subconsciously, she had understood that Jenni was looking for security in this new world. And that would mean Katie fitting into a role Jenni understood. Jenni was used to a strong male figure that she could calm with sex, follow obediently and maybe fear a little.

Jenni lowered her eyes and tears fell. "I don't know…I just wanted…"

Katie smiled and forced her to look at her. "It's okay. I understand. But this is not who you are. Right?"

Jenni nodded slowly. "I thought I could learn-"

"This is not who we are," Katie said firmly and stroked Jenni's hair.

Jenni looked at her, eyes wide, trying to understand. "I just want to be useful. For you to need me."

"But I do, Jenni. We are bonded by all that happened today. For better or for worse, we have a bond. You and me." Katie took Jenni's hands firmly in her own and held them tightly. "My Dad always told me about his war buddies. They loved each other and they shared a bond no one really understood because they are not a part of it. I think I understand that now."

Jenni sat down all the way next to her Indian-style, her hair falling over one shoulder. Jack immediately plunked down and set his head on Jenni's knee. "I don't know how to…I don't have female friends or know any…lesbians…or…" Jenni rubbed her nose with the palm of her hand rather rigorously. "I don't know how to act."

Katie smiled at her and kissed one of Jenni's hands. "That's okay. Hell, for both of us to be utterly insane right now is okay. But just know I just need you as my friend. I just need you to be whoever you are, Jenni. Okay?"

Jenni nodded thoughtfully and smiled. "Okay." And she seemed relieved.

Katie forced herself to stand up and pulled on the T-shirt and shorts Jenni had left in the bathroom for her. Her business clothes were wadded up in the trash bin along with her high heels. She knew she would never wear them again and in a way, that was a relief.

"I wish it would stop," Jenni whispered.

Katie raised her head, realizing she had been mentally blocking the sound of the moans.

"Yeah, me, too."

"Well," Jenni said at last, with a smile. "At least we live in Texas where people actually own guns and hunt."

"Well," Katie said with a grin. "At least we're in a hunting shop and not a mall."

Jenni giggled as she stood, stretching her long legs. "Yeah. Or a farmhouse."

"Do you know how to fly a helicopter?"

"Uh, no."

"Me neither," Katie grinned.

"You have watched Dawn of the Dead!"

"Romero series all the way." Katie walked out into the bedroom and crawled onto the bed.

"How about Fulci?" Jenni climbed in after her, looking much more relaxed now.

"No, can't say I have," Katie said with the shake of her head.

"I had hoped if this ever happened they would at least wouldn't run like in the new movies." Jenni pouted.

Outside, the moaning continued, almost a lulling sound, the same sound over and over again. Jack crawled into the bed between them and nestled down.

Snuggling down on either side of the dog, the women laid there listening, both lost in thought. The tension that had been brewing between them had dissipated without either one of them ever realizing it had been there. They now knew where they both stood and it was good.

Without fear, without reservation, without being afraid of being misunderstood, Katie reached across the dog and took Jenni's hand. Jenni squeezed it tenderly.

"Tomorrow we'll get your stepson," Katie assured her.

"And kill more zombies," Jenni added.

Katie somewhat laughed, her eyes still feeling horribly large and swollen. "Yeah, kill zombies."

"But avoid malls and farmhouses and helicopters."

"And find ourselves a handsome black man for the main lead in our story," Katie added.