The Firework Exploded (The Holidays #3)(15)

“She has to go to the bathroom. Why can’t she go in there?” I ask, hoping to God he doesn’t say what I think he’s about to say. Noel’s crazy need for calm is going to be shot to shit because I’m pretty sure things getting ugly in Target is the exact opposite of relaxing.

“My daughter is in there,” the guy growls, not taking his eyes off of Aunt Bobbie.

“And?” Noel prompts him, clearly forgetting about staying calm herself as she takes a step toward him and mirrors his pose, crossing her arms in front of her and glaring at him.

I’m not going to lie, seeing her all angry and protective of her aunt makes me want to drag her out to the parking lot, shove her in the backseat of her car, and screw the hell out of her. You know, after we put this guy in his place and Aunt Bobbie can finally take a piss.

“AND, she’s only twelve,” the guy adds, rolling his eyes at Noel before they fly back to Aunt Bobbie when she lets out a huge sigh.

“Oh, wow. Twelve, you say? There’s no way I can go in there NOW,” she tells him with a shake of her head.

“That’s what I thought,” the guy replies with a nod.

I take a step forward myself, but Aunt Bobbie lifts her arm and presses her hand against my chest to stop me from moving any closer to the guy. When she’s sure I’m not going to tackle him to the ground, she drops her hand from my chest and presses it against her heart.

“I mean, thank God you warned me. Twelve-year-old girls are the spawns of Satan. All of that PMS and hating everyone and everything…” Aunt Bobbie trails off with a shudder. “Seriously, I’m so glad you warned me. That would have been a NIGHTMARE if I went in there and had to face a she-devil before I’ve had my evening cocktail. Whew! I can’t believe I dodged THAT bullet!”

Noel and Alex both laugh at the shocked look on the *’s face as Aunt Bobbie turns with a flip of the long red locks of her wig, and walks away with her head held high. I have so much respect for her right now, and I wish I could let this go that easily, but I can’t. The guy’s eyes narrow angrily and he opens his mouth to most likely shout another stupid comment to Aunt Bobbie’s back.

Before anyone can stop me, and before he utters one more word, I quickly close the distance between us and punch him in the nose.

Noel screams, Alex lets out a whooping cheer, and Aunt Bobbie comes running back to us as the guy bends forward, holding his hands over his bloody nose and letting out a string of curse words that even make me blush.

“You should worry more about your daughter turning into a giant * just like you, instead of who she’s in the bathroom with,” I mutter, taking a step back and shaking out my hand.

“Don’t worry, folks! I am completely calm!” I shout as a few of the Target workers start running over to us to see what happened and Noel grabs my hand and starts examining my knuckles. “Did you see how calm I was? That felt great. I should punch people more often!”

“And that’s how you get Mister Ed back in the saddle,” Aunt Bobbie adds, leaning in to give me a kiss on the cheek.

“Mister Ed can go f*ck himself!” I shout happily.

“Well, that’s one way to fix the problem,” she whispers loudly to Noel.

Honestly, I should probably be ashamed that I just assaulted a stranger in Target, but I’m not. I’m more relaxed than I’ve been in weeks. And with Noel staring up at me with so much love and appreciation on her face, I’m also hornier than I’ve been in weeks. I know it’s only been a few days since I stopped taking those other pills, but my dick feels like it could pound nails right now. Noel is so f*cking sexy that I grab her hand and start tugging her toward the doors so I can show her there’s no need to even think about canceling the wedding.

Sadly, the arrival of a few police officers puts a damper on testing out my dick.

*

Noel didn’t say a word on the ride home from Target. We dropped off Alex and she didn’t even crack a joke when Aunt Bobbie reminded him about their plans to girly him up later this week. As soon as we pulled into Reggie and Bev’s driveway, Aunt Bobbie jumped out of my truck and ran inside to call all her friends and tell them about what happened. We’ve been sitting here in the driveway with the truck idling, not saying a word.

“Hey, at least I didn’t get arrested right before the wedding,” I finally speak, trying to crack a joke in the hopes that it will get Noel to say something. “Your mom didn’t have to use that cake money to bail me out of jail. She’d have been forced to serve the guests a plate of Twinkies and Ho-Hos instead. I mean, if you look at it that way, I’m kind of a hero. A cake hero.”

The word vomit just flies right out of my mouth, and still, Noel doesn’t say anything.

Thankfully, Bev really didn’t have to bail me out of jail. There were enough witnesses to give statements to the two police officers, confirming that the * I punched was indeed being an * and deserved what he got. Another thankful moment was when Aunt Bobbie realized one of the police officers was one of her fellow drag queens from bingo night. The * with the bloody nose wasn’t too happy when no one paid attention to his bitching and moaning because the officer was too busy talking about how excited he was to come to our wedding.

Sadly, even with a drag queen police officer on our side, it was still considered an unprovoked attack and it was still up to the * if he wanted to press charges. Luckily, in the middle of his tirade about suing all of us and making sure I rot in jail for all of eternity, his daughter came out of the bathroom.