The Fidelity Files (Jennifer Hunter #1)(23)

Now, suddenly the thought of my babysitter, Elizabeth, making my dad feel good with her open-mouthed kiss made me bolt up to my feet and grasp desperately for the light switch on the wall.

The bright glow was a welcome salvation. It chased away all the lingering images and brought focus to the happy and joyful landmarks that were scattered about my room. The posters on my wall illuminating the envied influences of Paula Abdul, Janet Jackson, and The Party. The Madame Alexander doll collection my mom and I had started three years ago after she had given me my first one for Christmas. My pink boom box with the latest Debbie Gibson tape inside... exactly where I had left it after Sophie and I had choreographed a dance routine to the song "Electric Youth."

Then my eyes found their way to my nightstand, with the framed photograph of my mom propped up on top of it. It was a picture my dad had taken while she was pregnant with me. She was sitting in the backyard of our first house, lounging on one of the chairs. Our dog, Casey, who was then only a puppy, was making her laugh by determinedly attempting to climb onto her lap. It wasn't a particularly special picture. But I had found it in my mom's photo box a few years before and asked if I could frame it and put it in my room.

I picked up the frame and held it in my hands.

That night I felt an emotion for my mother that I'd never felt before: pity. She had always been the wise one, the one who knew everything about the world and all the things in it that she needed to protect me from.

And tonight, as I stared at the picture, it was clear to me that our roles had suddenly been reversed.

She was now the one who would need protection. And I was the only one who could give that to her.

I grew up that night.

In one accidental glance that revealed a side of my parents' life I never knew existed, in that one glimpse at the complexities of an adult relationship, I knew I had taken a giant step closer to becoming an adult myself. A step I always naively assumed came with a private phone line and a later curfew.

I placed the picture down and climbed back into bed. Not daring to shut the light off again, I tried desperately to ignore the distant sounds that continued to find their way from the shadowy living room, up the long staircase, and through the small crack under my closed door.



THREE NIGHTS later my mom came into my room to kiss me good night for the first time since she had left. "Sweet dreams," she said, walking toward the door and resting her hand on the light switch.

I suddenly sat upright in bed. "Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Play the game," I requested softly.

She cocked her head to the side and smiled at me. "The bedtime game?"

I nodded.

"But I thought you were too old for that," she teased, moving toward the windowsill.

I looked down at my lap and fidgeted with the edge of my comforter. Then, with a rush of unexpected strength, I picked up my head and looked her straight in the eye. "I'm not," I said confidently.

The smile on her face brightened up the entire room as she took her usual place in front of the first contestant. It was exactly as I had remembered it. My mom played the game with the same flawless delivery as she always had. It was like we hadn't missed one single night in all those years.

She started in front of Leo the Bear. I obstinately shook my head. She raised her eyebrows curiously, and with one step to the left, moved on to the next contender.

Frank the Fish?

I shook my head.

Floppsy the Rabbit? Always a popular choice.

I shook my head again.

I knew exactly whose turn it was. And he had waited long enough.

When she reached Snuffles the Elephant, I nodded triumphantly and reached my arms out for him to be brought to me.

"Well, isn't that an interesting change of heart?" my mom said with genuine surprise, as she carried him over and placed him tenderly in my awaiting arms.

I held him close and buried my face in his soft purple fur. He smelled new and fresh and... untainted.

I lay back down under the covers and tucked him into the once highly coveted spot in the crook of my elbow. My mom kissed me again on the forehead and then leaned over and kissed Snuffles as well. When she stood up she looked at me, her eyes filled with questions.

Questions that I knew I would never be able to answer.

Not because I didn't know, but because I would choose not to.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I nodded, swallowing back tears that threatened to flow without end.

"So why Snuffles? Why now?"

I took a deep breath and pulled him in closer to me. "I just wanted to make sure he wouldn't be lonely."





6

Full Circle


SATURDAY MORNING I awoke at nine-thirty A.M. to the ring of my home phone. It was my first day off in what felt like months. I pulled the extra pillow over my head and tried to drown out the sound until eventually, after five rings, it stopped. I searched under the tangled sea of sheets and blankets for Snuffles and finally found him lying on the floor next to my bed, looking outcast and rejected.

I reached down and pulled him back into bed, tucking him under my arm again and cooing gentle apologies in his ear before drifting back to sleep.

The phone rang again thirty seconds later.

I groaned loudly and looked at the caller ID. It was Zo?. "What?" I said groggily into the phone.