The Fear That Divides Us (The Devil's Dust #3)(66)

Mom whips her head in my direction, as if the thought of missing the man she fell in love with fluttered away. “I love your father. I do, but I loved Leo, too.” She turns her head, her cheeks turning red. “Leo made me fall in love with him. He was relentless. Always chasing me, saying the most outrageous things,” she continues, laughing. I smirk. He sounds just like Bobby.

She reaches over and grasps my hand, her bright eyes staring at me. “Don’t fight it, Jessica. Don’t fight your feelings if you truly care for this man of yours.” She gives my hand a firm squeeze. I take a sudden breath and nod.

“Me and daddy will take care of this,” she continues, letting go of my sweating hand.

“But dad…” I begin, knowing my dad will not want anything to do with Bobby if he saw the tattooed outlaw he is.

My mother scoffs.

“When you were with Travis, I was not the most attentive mother. I didn’t know just how severe it was, Jessica. Your father told me to butt out, let it be, and I did. I have regretted that choice every day since you left. Your daddy just recently had a heart attack and is seeing things in a different light lately. He will do what I ask I am sure, but if he doesn’t, I will be leaving him,” she informs seriously. I remember when mom told me he had a heart attack; she said he was different. I didn’t know he completely changed his outlook on life though.

“You are our daughter,” she continues. “It’s in our nature to f*ck up along the line of parenting, but when we get the opportunity to correct our wrong doings, we should, and this is one of those times. With age comes wisdom,” my mother adds, smiling.

Without thinking, I fling myself into her, hugging her. She tenses, hesitating before wrapping her hands around me. The woman before me has transformed into a mother I had never dared to imagine.

“You just said the word f*ck,” I laugh into her shoulder.

“You have to come to Thanksgiving though, and bring this biker hero, along with Addie,” she whispers against my ear, completely ignoring my observation of her swearing, making me laugh.

“Mom, I don’t know,” I start, knowing there are so many bad memories in Nevada, and the idea of my dad meeting Bobby is already making my palms sweat.

“Baby, from what I understand, there is nothing left in Nevada that can hurt you,” she laughs. I shrug and give a crooked smile, not confirming or denying that notion.

“Yeah, but dad—”

“Despite your father’s actions, Jessica, he misses you and Addie. He will come around if he wants his daughter back in his life,” she interrupts, her lips pursed with determination.

“All right, we’ll come,” I say, exasperated.





15


Jessica





It’s been two days since I saw my mother, and I’m growing more and more anxious by the hour. She assured me these things take time and that there were plans in the works for getting Bobby out of jail.

“Did you brush your teeth?” I ask Addie who walks to her room from the bathroom, getting ready for bed.

“Yup, love you, Mom,” she yells, shutting her bedroom door.

“Love you, too,” I mumble, knowing she can’t hear me.

I sit up, looking over the now clean apartment. I’m so thankful that some of the guys from the club helped clean it up after Grant trashed it. I head into my room and flop on my bed. Glancing toward my closet, I spot the repacked shoebox. My eyes furrow inward. That box needs to go. There is no reason to suffer in a turmoil of fear anymore. Decision made, one which has my heart leaping into my chest, I stand, snatching the box from the shelf. I check on Addie in her room, finding her snuggled in bed and already dozing off. I shut the door and head to the kitchen drawer. After grabbing a lighter out of one of the drawers, I make my way to the front door.

I run down the stairs and out the back lobby door to the community grill. I throw the shoebox on the charred rack and set it alight. I watch it burn. The smell of freedom and the sound of my fears crackle as the flame claims the entire box. Not many people would understand why I kept this box. Why I would keep something I was trying to move on from. To me it was simple. It fed my fear. Every day I saw it, it reminded me why I needed to tread lightly, make careful decisions that would protect Addie and me. It was a daily reminder that being lonely wasn’t such a bad thing considering how much pain I was in before. Only in the last few weeks, I realized I lived in more fear trying to make sure I never relived what I had been through, than the fear I had endured when I was living that nightmare.

Safe, protected, secure. These are words, but nothing more. Their meaning a cloak of reality. It’s impossible to be fully in control of your well-being. Life reminds us we’re human; we just often choose to ignore it. I’m trying to survive this f*cked-up world, and I finally refuse to sit back and allow the savage beast of fear to dictate my life.

When I killed Grant, a burden of fear that divided me from Bobby was finally obliterated. Maybe it was the near-death experience, Bobby telling me he loved me, or maybe it was when Bobby took that collar off me and threw it into the devouring darkness. Whatever it was, all I know is I am in love with Bobby, and of course, it hurts. It hurts to come to terms with the notion, and not have him here with me to tell him over and over again.

After the box is nothing but ash and a couple of charred rings, I turn and run back inside. Leaving my past to dwindle in the summer breeze.