The Fall Up (The Fall Up #1)(64)

It’s the right thing to do. No matter how it affects me.

But what about how it affected Sam?

Before I even realized it, I was on my feet and heading out to Sam’s shop. I slung the door open and was instantly greeted by the loud grinding of a power tool. Sam was in the corner, hunched over a table, a cigarette dangling between his lips. The room fell silent as his gaze swung to mine. I must have looked panicked, because he immediately dropped the tool on the table and marched in my direction.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can we go to Indiana?”

He spun to drop his cigarette into an ashtray before turning back to face me. “Depends on why you want to go, I guess.”

“There’s a sick little boy who sent me a video on Twitter. I think it would be a really nice thing to do. It’s not like I have a lot going on right now. But I bet it would mean a lot if we showed up. I could have Stewart get in touch with his parents and make it a big surprise,” I rushed out in one long breath until I ran out of air.

He arched an eyebrow.

I sucked in deeply before exclaiming, “We could both go! Make it a romantic getaway!”

He stared at me for a minute before silently flipping his palm up, requesting my phone. I sidled up beside him as he pressed play on the video.

My eyes bounced between his face and the phone as I watched him smile warmly at the child on the screen. When it ended, he tossed an arm around my shoulders, and just like I had, he pressed play again. I cuddled into his chest, wrapping my arms around his hips. Closing my eyes, I listened to his strong heartbeat as I awaited the verdict.

“What do you want to do, Levee?” he asked when the video ended.

I didn’t open my eyes as I answered, “I want to go.”

“And you think that will help him?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you think it might help you though, right?”

Yes. “I don’t know.”

Sam sucked in a hard breath, my head rising as his chest expanded. “You know I love you, right?” he said.

I didn’t answer that question, nor did I release my hold around his waist even when his arms fell away from me. “You’re going to tell me no, aren’t you?”

“No. I’m not telling you anything. If you want to go, go.”

I craned my neck back in surprise. “You want to go with me?”

“Nope,” he answered shortly.

“Why…why not?” I stuttered.

“Because you’re supposed to be on a break. You’re supposed to be going to see your therapist tomorrow. You’re supposed to be firing Devon, contacting Stewart, cleaning out your closet.” He paused, raking an angry hand through his hair. “You’re supposed to be f*cking moving in with me.”

Shit. Maybe I am moving in permanently.

I finally stepped away. “What do you expect me to do, Sam?”

“The things you promised!” he roared before collecting himself. “If you want to go, do it. But that’s on you,” he snapped, turning his back on me.

My guilt morphed to anger. “See, that’s exactly the problem. It is on me!”

His back was still to me as he lit a cigarette. “Two days.” He laughed without humor.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I was more than ready for an icy gaze as he turned to face me, but I was nowhere near ready for the level of disappointment that showed on his angry face. “It means two days ago, I agreed to play Spiderman and bring you home with me. It means I love you so f*cking much that I was willing to risk your life just to spend more time with you. And two f*cking days later, I’m already failing.”

My stomach sank, and the air between us became too thick to breathe. “You aren’t failing. I just wanted to visit a kid!”

He lifted the cigarette to his lips for another drag. “Then what?”

I opened my mouth to reply, only I didn’t have an answer at all. I had no f*cking clue what came next. It was just an impulse to help someone. It wasn’t the spiral down I was quickly realizing he was convinced I was going to take.

“That’s what I thought,” he whispered on a cloud of smoke. “Eventually, you’d end up back on that bridge.” He wrenched his eyes shut.

“Sam, I won’t let that happen again. I swear.”

Scratching the back of his head, he announced, “I think you need to go back to Maine, Levee.”

“No!” I cried, taking a giant step toward him. “Listen to me, please. I won’t go to Indiana. It was just a gut reaction to seeing that video. I came out here to get your honest opinion.”

He looked at the ground, shaking his head. “Well, you got it, didn’t you?”

“Look at me,” I ordered, and his eyes immediately lifted to mine. “I don’t need to go back to Maine. I made the appointments with the doctor. I’m trying here.”

“Are you?” He tipped his head in question. “I mean, are you really?”

“Yes, I really am.”

He put his cigarette out and lit another. “Then why haven’t you called Stewart? You’ve told no one about the break you so adamantly promised me you were gonna take. Henry didn’t even know when I mentioned it last night.”