The Ending I Want(66)

Passed away.

It sounds so calm, so easy, when said that way.

Nothing about how they died was calm or easy.

They died because of me.

But I can’t say that out loud because it would make them feel uncomfortable.

And if I’m being true to myself, I don’t want Liam to know.

I don’t want to change the way he looks at me. And if he knew, it would change. He wouldn’t like me or think of me in the same way.

I don’t want to lose that in the time I have left with him.

Liam’s hand is still covering my fist. Relaxing my fingers, I turn my palm over to meet his. Our fingers slide together, joining that one part of our bodies.

I can feel Liam’s eyes on me. But I don’t look at him.

Because I’m afraid, if I do, I might just crack and break.

So, I look at Bernie. His expression hasn’t changed, and I appreciate that very much. He’s not looking at me with sympathy that I don’t deserve. He’s just looking at me.

“I am sorry to hear about your parents, Taylor.”

“Thank you.”

I really hate saying thank you, but what else can I say? Don’t apologize. It was my fault they died. I killed them. No, I definitely can’t say that.

“Do you have any siblings?”

I did…but not anymore.

I shake my head in answer. Talking about my parents is bad enough, but I can’t talk about Parker and Tess. At least my parents had some life. They went to college. Fell in love. Had jobs. Had children.

Parker’s and Tess’s lives were just starting when I stole it from them.

“My wife died when she was thirty-five,” Bernie tells me.

And even though we’re still talking death, I’m relieved not to be talking about my family anymore.

“Cervical cancer. Liam’s father was five at the time. It’s tough, losing someone you love.”

I see his eyes flicker to Liam, and I know that Bernie is thinking of Liam’s mother.

I move my gaze to Liam. His eyes are already on me. I feel this swooping sensation in my stomach along with safety. I feel safe in his eyes.

The doors to the room open, and the waiters come in with our soup, putting a halt to any more conversation for now.




“Thank you so much for dinner,” I say to Bernie.

We’ve just arrived back at Hunter Hall, and we are standing in the ginormous hallway.

“You don’t have to thank me. The pleasure was all mine, Taylor.”

“You fancy a nightcap, Grandpa?” Liam asks Bernie.

“No, I’m going to head to bed. But you two youngsters go ahead.”

“You up for a drink, Boston?” Liam turns to me.

I’m feeling a little wiped out after all that food and wine. The seven courses were small, but I’m stuffed.

I still find myself saying yes to Liam though because I’m not ready for the night to be over just yet.

“Good night, Taylor.” Bernie kisses me on the cheek.

“Good night,” I say.

He hugs Liam. “Night, boy.”

“Night, Grandpa.”

We both watch Bernie head for the sweeping staircase.

“Oh, and the good brandy’s in the decanter in the drawing room,” he calls over his shoulder to us.

Liam chuckles, and then he takes ahold of my hand and tugs on it, leading me across the hall, heading for the drawing room.

“The good brandy? Or something else?” Liam asks, walking over to the drink cabinet.

“It’d be rude not to have the good brandy.” I smile.

Liam gets two brandy glasses out and then pours in the brandy from the decanter. He carries them over to me and hands me mine.

“Cheers.” He holds his glass up to mine.

“Cheers.” I clink my glass against his and then take a drink.

It is good brandy but strong.

“That has some kick to it.” I blow out a whistling breath.

“Yeah, I guess I’m kind of used to it.”

“Seasoned drinker?” I jest.

“Nah, brandy is just Grandpa’s answer to everything. Fall over and scrape your knee? Glass of brandy. Girlfriend dumps you? Glass of brandy.”

“He gave you brandy when you were young?” I’m guessing he meant young from the scraped knee comment.

He laughs. “Only a toddy.”

“He did have you flying planes when you were barely out of diapers, so I shouldn’t be surprised at the hard liquor.”

“I told you that he was a little unconventional.” He grins.

“But it works for him. He’s a wonderful man. He loves you a lot.”

“I love him a lot, too.”

Hearing him say that about his grandpa sets off an ache deep inside my heart. The one that reminds me that I used to have that. I used to have people who loved me in that way.

And, now, I don’t.

Liam clears his throat. “Boston, I’m sorry that my grandpa asked about your parents at dinner. I should’ve thought ahead and told him it was a no-go area.”

“It’s fine.”

And it was. It could have been a lot worse. But I handled it better than I had before.

That’s because of Liam. Because he was there beside me. His strength gave me the strength to talk about them.